ten Ten

Once
i admit it...what's to say
i relive it...without pain
backstreet lover on the side of the road
i got a bomb in my temple that is gonna explode
i got a sixteen gauge buried under my clothes
i pray...
once upon a time i could control myself
once upon a time i could lose myself
oh try and mimic what's insane...
i am in it...where do i stand?
indian summer and i hate the heat
i got a backstreet lover on the passenger seat
i got my hand in my pocket, so determined, discreet...
i pray...
once upon a time i could control myself
once upon a time i could lose myself
(you think i got my eyes closed but i'm lookin' at you the whole fuckin' time...)
once upon a time i could control myself
once upon a time i could lose myself
once upon a time i could love myself
once upon a time i could love you
once...
once...
once...
once...

even flow
freezin', rests his head on a pillow made of concrete, again
feelin' maybe he'll see a little better, set a days
hand out, faces that he sees time again ain't that familiar
dark grin, he can't help when his happy looks insane
even flow, thoughts arrive like butterflies
he don't know, so he chases them away
someday yet, he'll begin his life again
life again, life again...
kneelin', looking through the paper though he doesn't know to read
prayin', now to something that has never showed him anything
feelin', understands the weather of the winters on its way
ceilings, few and far between all the legal halls of shame
even flow, thoughts arrive like butterflies
he don't know, so he chases them away
someday yet, he'll begin his life again
whispering hands, gently lead him away
him away, him away...
(forget about him...)
even flow, thoughts arrive like butterflies
he don't know, so he chases them away
someday yet, he'll begin his life again
whispering hands, gently lead him away
him away, him away...

alive
son, she said, have i got a little story for you
what you thought was your daddy was nothin' but a...
while you were sittin' home alone at age thirteen
your real daddy was dyin', sorry you didn't see him
but i'm glad we talked...
i...i'm still alive
i...i'm still alive
i...i'm still alive
she walks slowly, across a young man's room
she said i'm ready...for you
i can't remember anything to this very day
'cept the look, the look...
you know where, now i can't see, i just stare...
i...i'm still alive
i...i'm still alive
i...i'm still alive
i...i'm still alive
is something wrong, she said
of course there is, you're still alive, she said
oh and do i deserve to be?
is that the question?
and if so...if so...
who answers...who answers...
i...i'm still alive
i...i'm still alive
i...i'm still alive
i...i'm still alive

why go she scratches a letter into a wall made of stone
maybe someday another child won't feel as alone as she does
it's been two years, and counting, since they put her in this place
she's been diagnosed by some stupid fuck, and mommy agrees
(you're right) why go home...
why go home...
why go home...
she seems to be stronger, but what they want her to be is weak
she could play pretend, she could join the game, boy
she could be another clone...
why go home...
why go home...
why go home...
why go home...
what you taught me...put me here...don't come visit...mother...
sting me...
why go home...
why go home...
why go home...
why go home...
what you taught me...put me here...don't come visit...mother, mother, yeah...
why go home?

<black
sheets of empty canvas, untouched sheets of clay
were laid [her legs] spread out before me as her body once did
all five horizons revolved around her soul
as the earth to the sun
now the air i tasted and breathed has taken a turn
and all i taught her was everything
i know she gave me all that she wore
and now my bitter hands shake beneath the clouds
of what was everything?
all the pictures had all been washed in black, tattooed everything...
i take a walk outside, i'm surrounded by some kids at play
i can feel their laughter, so why do i sear
and twisted thoughts that spin round my head
i'm spinning, oh, i'm spinning
how quick the sun can, drop away
and now my bitter hands cradle broken glass
of what was everything?
all the pictures had all been washed in black, tattooed everything...
all the love gone bad, turned my world to black
tattooed all i see, all that i am, all i'll ever be...
i know someday you'll have a beautiful life, i know you'll be a star [sun]
in somebody else's sky, but why
why, why can't it be, why can't it be mine?

jeremy
at home and drawing pictures of mountain tops, with him on top
lemon yellow sun, arms raised in a v
and the dead lay in pools of maroon below
daddy didn't give attention
to the fact that mommy didn't care
king jeremy the wicked, ruled his world
jeremy spoke in class today
jeremy spoke in class today
clearly i remember pickin' on the boy
seemed a harmless little fuck
but we unleashed a lion
gnashed his teeth and bit the recess lady's breast
how could i forget?
and he hit me with a surprise left
my jaw left hurtin', dropped wide open
just like the day, like the day i heard
daddy didn't give affection, no
and the boy was something that mommy wouldn't wear
king jeremy the wicked, ruled his world
jeremy spoke in class today
jeremy spoke in class today
jeremy spoke in class today
try to forget this...try to forget this...
try to erase this...try to erase this...
from the blackboard...
jeremy spoke in class today
jeremy spoke in class today
jeremy spoke in, spoke in
jeremy spoke in, spoke in
jeremy spoke in class today...
(spoke in, spoke in...)

oceans
hold on to the thread
the currents will shift
glide me towards...
you know something's left
and we're all allowed
to dream of the next
of the next time we touch...
you don't have to stray
the oceans away
waves roll in my thoughts
hold tight the ring...
the sea will rise...
please stand by the shore...
i will be... i will be there once more...

porch
what the fuck is this world running to
you didn't leave a message
at least i coulda' learned your voice one last time
daily minefield, this could be my time, 'bout your?
would you hit me?
would you hit me?
all the bills go by, and initiatives are taken up by the middle
there ain't gonna be any middle any more
and the cross i'm bearing home
ain't indicative of my place
left the porch
left the porch
hear my name, take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand, walk beside me
i just need to say...
hear my name, take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand, lie beside me i just need to say
i could not take a-just one day
i know when i would not ever touch you...hold you...feel you...ever hold...
never again...

garden
she don't wander in...don't wander in here, she...
she don't wander in here...don't wander in here...
the direction of the eye, so misleading
the defection of the soul, nauseously quick
i don't question, our existence
i just question, our modern needs
she don't wander in...don't wander in here, she...
she don't wander in here...
i will walk...with my hands bound
i will walk...with my face blood
i will walk...with my shadow flag
into your garden, garden of stone...
after all is done, and we're still alone
i won't be taken, yet i'll go...with my hands bound
i will walk...with my face blood
i will walk...with my shadow flag
into your garden, garden of stone
i don't show...i don't share...
i don't need...what you have to give...
i will walk...with my hands bound
i will walk...with my face blood
i will walk...with my shadow flag
into your garden, garden of...
i will walk...with my hands bound
i will walk into your garden, garden of stone...
i don't know...i don't care
i don't need...the need to live...

deep
on the edge, a windowsill
ponders his maker, ponders his will
to the street below, he just ain't nothin'
but he's got a great view, and he sinks the needle deep...
whoa, can't touch the bottom
in too deep...
can't touch the bottom
on the edge of a know-nothin' town
feelin' quite superior, the aged come
to the sky above he just ain't nothin'
but he's got a great view, and he sinks a burning knife deep...
can't touch the bottom
in too deep...
can't touch the bottom
in too deep...
on the edge of a christmas clean love
young virgin from heaven...visiting hell
to the man above her, she just ain't nothin'
and she doesn't like the view
she doesn't like the view
she doesn't like the view
but he sinks himself deep
can't touch the bottom
in too deep...
can't touch the bottom
can't touch the bottom
deep...
the bottom...
the bottom...
the bottom...
the bottom...

release
(father...)
i see the world, feel the chill
which way to go, windowsill
i see the world's on a rocking horse of time
i see the birds in the rain
dear dad, can you see me now
i am myself, like you somehow
i'll ride the wave where it takes me
i'll hold the pain...
release me...
dear dad, can you see me now
i am myself, like you somehow
i'll wait up in the dark for you to speak to me
i'll open up...
release me...
release me
release me
release me