by Cherie
"I don't fucking wanna do this anymore!", Nick yelled, throwing things around the tour bus. This was shortly after one of the final dates of the Millenium tour. He had fallen once, and made several vocal mistakes that evening. He was hot, tired and simply burnt out.
"C'mon man, there's only a few more shows, then we can rest for a while", Kevin said, trying to reason with his younger group-mate.
"I can't talk about this right now", Nick said with finality as the tour bus pulled into Orlando, where they were to do their 3rd to last show. He grabbed his duffelbag and stepped off the bus, the others looking at his disappearing shadow worriedly.
As the remaining members, glad for a few days off, collected their things and exited the bus, Brian grabbed his cell phone and made a call.
"You've gotta do something April, we only have a few days left and you're the only one he'll listen to."
"I'll do my best Bri, thanks for calling me", April told him. They said their goodbyes and April pressed the off button on her phone. She threw on some jeans and one of Nick's old sweatshirts. The two had been friends for years, and she understood him better than anyone. After tying a bandana over her long curly hair, she drove to the place she knew Nick would be. She parked her car and walked slowly down the dock, seeing a light coming from Nick's boat, the 'April Mist'. As she got closer, she could see him leaning over the railing, his head down, his blond hair hanging in his face.
"Permission to come aboard", she called out to him softly.
His head popped up at the sound of her voice and he reached out a hand to help her aboard. After she stepped onto the boat she grabbed him and hugged him tightly.
"What's goin on with you, Frack?", she asked him.
He sighed and then just broke down. She held him, rubbing his back softly and whispering soothing things into his ear until he was calm enough to talk. He let go of her and rubbed his eyes fiercely.
"I dunno Bug",he told her, using a childhood nickname. "I just don't love it like I used to. The constant travelling, shows, interviews, photoshoots, trying to maintain on maybe 4 hours sleep a night. Not to mention the constant expectation to be 'on' all the time. I don't even know who I am anymore." He looked her in the eye then turned around, his back to her.
"April if I tell you something, you promise not to get upset?"
"Well I don't want to make any promises I can't keep, but we've been through alot of shit together. I'm sure I can handle this too", she told him matter of factly.
"Well, we were at this party. I was tired and bored out of my mind. This girl came up and started flirting with me hardcore and I just wasn't into it. She told me I looked tired and offerred me something to wake me up. I took the pills, and minutes later I was raring to go. These weren't No-Doz or anything like that-- it was Meth. I thought I could use it every once in a while, just when I needed a pick me up, ya know?".
He turned around again, searching April's face to see what her reaction was. She simply looked at him and nodded for him to go on, her face showing little emotion.
"First it was once a week, which turned into once a day, which then became several times a day. I wasn't sleeping, I couldn't eat. I was constantly messing up at shows. The guys called me on it, but I just told them I thought I was coming down with something".
"And they believed you...", she said, and he nodded.
"And now, I don't know how to be myself without it. So that's it -- I don't know what else to say really", he finished, making eye contact with his friend again.
"Well I can't say I'm surprised. With the schedule you keep, that's enough to wear anyone down. I just wish you had called me sooner. Maybe I could have...hell, no sense in worrying about the past. We need to deal with the here and now. Do you want me to help you?", she asked him solemnly.
"Yeah I do-- I didn't know who else to turn to. The guys have their own problems, and we both know what kinda fit Jane would throw", he said. Nick and his mother had grown apart the last few years, so much so that he had stopped calling her 'Mom'. "And you can't tell Aaron, ok? He still looks up to me, and I don't wanna lose that."
"Well, first things first, where are the pills? ALL of them", she asked him. He pulled a large plastic bottle from his bag and handed it to her. She walked to the bathroom area and emptied it's contents into the toilet and flushed it away. "Next, I want you to take these next few days and just relax, catch up on sleep. We both know in your heart you don't want to quit the group. You just need to take some time to slow down."
"Yeah, I guess you're right. Could you stay with me? At least until I fall asleep? I have nightmares sometimes...", he told her.
"Sure", she replied, following him into the bunk area. He pulled off his shoes, jeans and t-shirt, leaving him in his boxers. He lay on his side in the bed, and April curled up behind him, spoonwise. She brushed the hair away from his forehead and rubbed his back gently. She sang a song in his ear, an old Jimi Hendrix tune called "Angel".
and told me a story about the love between the moon and the deep blue sea….'
"Sleep my angel, you'll always be safe with me", she whispered, kissing the back of his neck softly and soon drifting off to sleep herself.