Show Me The Meaning Of Being Lonely
Lexy had been the love of his life since the moment Jeff laid eyes on her. She was 5'4" with medium length light golden brown hair and sparkling hazel eyes. She had been an ice skater that had a reputation for doing as she pleased. He remembered the first time he saw her, she was on the ice and her coach was trying to get her to practice her new routine. But she had choreographed a program herself to a Backstreet Boys song. her coach walked over to the radio and turned it off. He said to her, "Alexis, that's not the program you worked on with your choreographer. That's not even the song you are supposed to be dancing to. Why aren't you doing the number we agreed on?" Lexy stopped in the middle of the ice and looked at her coach. She was wearing black tights with a black sports bra, her hair up in a pony tail and black skates. She said to her coach, "Mozart is not my style, I want my audience to feel my performance. I want them to feel what I feel. I don't want to bore them with something so old. Besides, there are really nice songs out there that I can work my magic on."
"Alexis, I'm the coach here. But you seem to forget who's in charge. I know what's best for you and this isn't right. It lacks feelings and emotions, it's not you. The dancer the people love is not in that performance. Listen to me and you will be all right."
"Coach, it's my career and my performance. I'll do what I think is best for me. It's my audience and I know what they like to see. If you don't like this song then quit being my coach. I'll find someone new who appreciates my talent and taste in music." Lexy said as she walked over to the radio and turned it back on. Jeff watched her as she spun around and jumped on the ice.
As he watched her laying there in her favorite blue dress and remembered the first time he met her. She was standing outside of the rink with her friend Kassie. Her friend was 5'6", thin, short strawberry blonde hair and green eyes. They were standing there talking and laughing when the four guys approached them. Lexy saw them and said, "Look who we have here Kass, it's the little bug, luscious lips, muscle boy and blonde." Kassandra turned about seven shades of red as she turned around and saw the guys of 98*. Drew looked at Lexy and said, "Little bug? Now, I know that you're referring to me and no one else. Shorty, what did I do to you for you to call me a little bug? And why is my brother luscious lips? Why don't I get a cute name like that? You shouldn't be calling anyone a little bug, you're shorter than me."
"I'm a woman little bug but you on the other hand are a guy, at your height you're considered short. Dimples gets his name luscious lips because that's the one that Kass gave him. I came up with the other names and I'll say them to your face not behind your back."
"So, precious what's your name? Maybe I'll just call you sweet lips, beautiful but first I would have to taste them to see how sweet they are. Ice Princess, can I be your muscle boy?"
"The name is Alexis but my friends call me Lexy. Touch me and you're dead thin lips, you can't be my anything. Did I give you permission to call me any of your pet names?"
"Lexy, would you relax and watch your mouth. If you don't cut it out I'll call you by your favorite name. Maybe I should tell them how much you love it when people call you Lexus."
"Kass.....uuuuurrrrrggggggg, don't call me that. That's the name of a freaking car. How could you say that out loud? That's like calling the little bug Andy."
"Ladies relax, can we have a civil conversation without calling anyone names?" Why don't we go get something to eat and get to know each other?" Justin said to the girls as Lexy laughed and walked away. Kass went with them but Lexy went home.
Jeff remembered that he had the toughest time getting Lexy to go out with him but in the end she agreed to go out with him. Lexy was stubborn and didn't give in easily, she liked to challenge Jeff. He accepted the challenge she presented and never gave up on the pursue. After four months of going after her, Lexy finally gave in. They dated for a year before he proposed to her. Lexy gave up her career as an ice dancer two years into her marriage to Jeff. She gave it up as soon as she found out she was pregnant. She didn't want to endanger the life of their child, they had been happily married for two years and now it was complete. But soon after Lexy started getting terrible headaches and not feeling well. She thought it was all due to her pregnancy but she told Jeff and he took her to doctors for check ups. She was given a clean bill of health and her pregnancy was normal. Everything was fine with the baby and with her. Sometimes the headaches were worst and she couldn't take any medications because of her pregnancy. She didn't want anything to harm their baby.
His friends came up behind him with Kass as Jeff sat there watching his beautiful wife. She laid there motionless but to him she looked like she was sleeping. He couldn't believe that he would never herd her sweet laughter or her soft, sexy voice again. Lexy had a malignant tumor that had not been diagnosed by the doctors. When she found out about it, it was already too late to do anything. She gave birth to a little boy that they named Brandon Jeffrey Timmons. She was able to enjoy a year and few months with her baby boy and husband. Brandon had light golden brown hair and thick lips just like his mother. From Jeff he got his nose and blue eyes but he saw a lot of Lexy in their little boy. He was a year and four months when Lexy passed away. Brandon sat on Jeff's lap because he wanted his little there with him when they had to say their last goodbye. Brandon was dressed in a white shirt, black pants and black shoes just like his father. He looked up at his father and said, "Daddy, mommy sleep?" A single tear rolled down Jeff's face as he looked down at his son and said, "Mommy is going to sleep for a long time munchkin. You won't be able to see her but she will watch you grow from Heaven." His little boy placed his head on his father's chest and watched his mother laying there. Jeff held him as tight as it was time to say good-bye to the love of his life.
His friends said their good-byes and so did Kass, who had to be taken out by Nick. Drew took Brandon so Jeff could be alone with Lexy. Jeff walked over to her and placed her wedding band back on her ring finger. He wanted her to take it with her when she was buried. He knelt beside her, kissed her lips gently but they were cold and motionless. He cried because he was saying good-bye to her and he would never be able to have her near him or reach out and touch her again. He felt lonely because she was taking his heart with her. He would only love his son from now on but his heart would always miss her. Jeff watched as they closed the casket and took her out. Justin was there to lend him support but Jeff held himself together. But when they go to the cemetery and he saw his son wave good-bye to his mother and say, "Bye mommy," he fell apart. He fell to his knees as they lowered the casket and he held his son in his arms. His little boy didn't understand what was going on and why his father was crying. Jeff cried and said, "Why Lexy? Why did you have to leave us when we were so happy together?" There was nothing the others could do for him since none of them knew what he was going through. Kass cried on Nick's shoulder as she saw them lower her friend into the ground. Jeff let it all out as he fell apart, he didn't leave until they had completely buried her.
A week later he returned to her grave that read: Alexis Timmons, loving wife and mother. He placed a dozen roses by her tombstone and sat there leaning on her stone. He remembered that Lexy and him learned about her illness three months after she had given birth to Brandon. They went to the doctors office to get the results of some test that had been conducted on her. They walked into the office together, they had left Brandon with Jeff's mom. Lexy and Jeff sat down and Jeff said, "Dr. Winters, is my wife fine? What were the results of the test done on Lexy?"
"It's always hard to give bad news, especially when you are dealing with someone so young. Mrs. Timmons, the results revealed that you have a tumor and it's malignant."
"I want you to be brutally honest with me and tell me, how long do I have? By what you have said, I can tell that I'm dying. I want to know what will happen to me."
"Alexis, if you get chemotherapy we speculate that you can live for about a year. Without medication, probably six month or less."
"I won't have any of that, I want to enjoy whatever time I have with my son and husband. But I need to know what symptoms I will experience."
"The headaches will be persist and they will be worst at times. You will get very weak and lose your vision. But it's always good to get a second and third opinion to see what other doctors have to say."
"Oh, you can bet we will get other opinions. My wife is not dying, your test are wrong." Jeff said as he got up and left with Lexy. They both cried because of the news they had just gotten.
They visited other doctors and specialist that had the something to say. They discussed her getting treatment but in the end she always got her way. As time passed, her headaches got worst. She also got very weak towards the end and was bed ridden. Lexy lost her eye sight six months before she died but she lived a year. She out lived the doctors expectations. She was on the hospital before she died and Jeff took Brandon to her. The doctors had told him she only had a few hours left. Lexy was having trouble breathing as she held Brandon by her side and Jeff's hand. He was sitting on the bed next to her. Tears ran down her face as she said, "I can see Hun. After so many months I get to see you again." She looked at her little boy as he sat up next to her and then placed his head on her chest. She struggled with her breathing as she said, "He's beautiful, Jeff. Take care of Brandon and when the time is right get on with your life. I love you both and I will watch over you both."
"Oh Lexy, we need you so much. Please don't leave us, I can't raise him without you."
"Yes, you can. Honey, I can die in peace because no one can raise our son better than you. Brandon will have you and the guys and he will be a very happy little boy. I know you will love again also."
"I could never love anyone after you Lexy and I don't want to. I will raise our son and I will tell him about you. He will love you as much as I love you. You will be the only mother he will ever know. You will take my heart with you Alexis, I love you and that will be forever." Jeff said as he cried and placed a soft kiss on her lips. She took a few deep breaths and then closed her eyes as she let out her last breath. Jeff buried his face on her chest as he cried and their son sat up and looked at them. He started crying because his father was crying.
Jeff got up from her grave as the tears ran down his face. He couldn't believe he still had tears to cry. He placed a kiss on the stone and said, "Lexy, I will never forget you and I will make sure Brandon gets to know you as his mother. You have taught meaning of being lonely by leaving me but at least you left me a little piece of you. I miss you so much and I love you." Jeff said one last good-bye before leaving. He was going on tour with 98* and was taking their son with them. He wouldn't be able to visit her grave in a while. He took one last look as he walked away and he could've sworn he saw her in a short white dress standing by her grave. He heard a soft laugh and a voice that said, "I love you and Brandon. Bye baby."
THE END
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