chapter three
Before we knew it, we were cruising down the freeway. I glanced over at him, and couldn’t help but stare. *God- just look at him. He is so incredible - I’ve never met anyone like him before. He is totally wild - like me at times, yet he has this sensitive side. And I could get lost in those eyes a hundred times over. I think I’m falling pretty hard over for this guy - what if he has a girlfriend? Jen, you are just setting yourself up for another disappointment *
He turned to face me. I blushed , embarrassed he had caught me staring at him. I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.
"So...about your singing - how did your group get together?"
He smiled, seeming happy to talk about it. "Well, as I told you before, I’ve been singing since I was little. At my voice lessons, I became friends with two guys - Howie Dorough and Nick Carter. We were at an audition for a minor part, and there we met Kevin Richardson. We had already looked into getting a contract, and our manager suggested we find another guy. Kevin knew he had a cousin that sang in church a lot - that’s Brian Littrell - and he flew down here. We instantly got along - and began singing together. We auditioned for some major record companies - and we’re looking into being signed by Jive records. Right now we’ve been singing at high schools, and we’re scheduled to play the prom."
"Our prom?"
"Yeah."
"Wow - that is incredible - I’m sure you guys will do awesome."
"I hope so too. You know - I love singing and all, but sometimes it’s not all it’s cracked up to be."
"What do you mean?," I asked, concerned.
"Like for instance - me and my girl been getting in lots of arguments over me being in the group. It seems she doesn’t like me being gone so much - thinks I’m cheating on her."
My heart dropped. *I knew there had to be a catch - I finally meet the perfect guy and he has a girlfriend. But then again - what can you expect from a guy like him?* "Well - are you?"
"No! Of course not, I would never do that to any girl. But I’m starting to get the feeling she’s the one cheating on me. I come home and there’s all these answering machine messages from other guys. When I ask her about it, she insists they’re from work. And she’s never around when I’m home - and then she blames me for being gone too much! I just don’t know what in the hell is happening anymore. I’m thinking of breaking it off with her - she’s not worth my frustration."
I looked into his eyes and saw them begin to gloss over with tears. *Who could ever hurt a guy like him - I wouldn’t - I couldn’t....*
"Do you love her?"
"If you asked me before, I would have told you yes. But now, I just don’t think it’s there anymore."
" I’m sorry."
"Nah - don’t feel sorry for me. In the end - everything will end up as it should be. Hey - what time is it?"
I checked my watch again. "3:00 , have another date?"
"Yeah actually I do - I’m supposed to meet the guys at my house at 3:15 for rehearsal. - You wanna come and listen?"
I smiled at his offer , "Of course - I’d love to. Tell me which exit to turn off on."
"That one."
He pointed at an exit just as I was going by it. The coast looked clear so I swerved quick to get off on it. As I was doing so, I looked at my mirror and saw a Jeep heading right for AJ’s side.
"AJ watch out!"
I slammed on my brakes, but it was too late. The next few moments seemed to happen in the blink of an eye. I felt my self being flung out of the car and onto the pavement. I landed hard, so hard it must have knocked me out, because the next thing I remember was feeling a sharp pain in my left arm as I was coming to. I reached up to touch a sore spot on my fore head and found my fingers oozing in blood. Instantly my mind switched to AJ.
*Oh my god - where is he? If he’s hurt I will never forgive myself*
I opened my eyes and vaguely saw him laying about 6 feet away from me, sprawled out on the pavement. There was a guy about our age, with blond hair and blue eyes standing over him, talking on a cell phone. I put together all my energy to stand up and managed to walk over to him. I gasped when I saw him. His face was streaked with blood coming from a gaping wound on his forehead. I couldn’t tell if he had broken anything by the way he was laying. I kneeled down beside him, and tears came to my eyes.
"AJ! AJ!", I yelled, trying to get him to come to.
His eyes rolled back in his head, and then focused on me. He mumbled something I couldn’t comprehend. I placed my hand on his chest. "AJ - everything’s gonna be fine - I promise."
I looked up at the blond guy, "You did call 911, didn’t you?".
"Yeah - of course - they should be here soon. Listen, yo, I’m so incredibly sorry bout this - if there’s anything I can do - I’ll pay the bills, and cover your car - anything to make it up to ya’ll. By the way, I’m Justin."
"I’m Jen ....here, since I’m going in the ambulance, how about we exchange numbers so we can work all the legal stuff out later."
He nodded, and we exchanged numbers. I looked back down at AJ. "AJ, you hanging on?
He wearily opened his eyes. I faintly smiled and began to stroke his hair. Soon, I could hear sirens blazing in the distance. "AJ - the ambulance is almost here. Don’t worry."
The ambulance soon pulled in behind us. They laid AJ on a stretcher and loaded him into the ambulance, and I stepped in behind him. As they shut the doors and drove away, they started hooking AJ up to lots of monitors and machines. I turned to the medical worker and practically screamed at him.
"What are you doing to him? What’s wrong with him, is he going to be okay?"
"Shhhhh. Just calm down - we’re doing everything we can for him."
I looked at him through my tears. "That’s not what I asked you."
"If it makes you feel any better , I don’t think he’s going to die."
"Gee - thanks."
He picked up some cotton swabs and alcohol, and started cleaning the scratches on my face. He looked down at my arm , which had now turned a purple - blue color. "Looks like we’re going to have to take a look at that, huh?"
"You think?" I said sarcastically. *This guy is really pissing me off. Why won’t they tell me anything about AJ? Oh God - please let him be alright. I will never forgive myself if he is seriously hurt.*
I looked over at AJ, lying there numbly as the workers poked and prodded him. I felt myself begin to cry even more. *Hell, this has been a long day - could it really get any worse?*
We pulled into the Orlando hospital a few minutes later. As they were unloading AJ, I went over to him and held his hand in mine. "AJ - I’ll see you later - pull through for me, okay?" His eyes slightly opened and looked deep into mine with a look that made my heart wrench. I bent down and kissed him on the forehead. He squeezed my hand tightly. All of a sudden his eyes rolled back and a machine began screeching.
"AJ!" I yelled.
"Move it miss, we gotta get him in there," some medical guy said to me.
I laid my head in my hands and began to sob uncontrollably. I felt a touch on my shoulder.
"Miss - we’re going to take you to radiation now."
I solemnly followed him into the hospital and into the radiation ward. They took some X-rays of my arm as I sat there, not really aware of what was going on. A few minutes later some doctor came in to talk to me, but looking back , I couldn’t tell you a word he said - I was in my own little world worrying about AJ. He poked and prodded me, asking "does this hurt?". I shook my head or nodded. After that, I sat there for about a half an hour while they put a cast on my arm. Finally he told me I could go. I went out in the hallway and ran into the same medical worker who had helped me earlier, and I stopped him.
"Will you please tell me where they took AJ?", I said worriedly.
He nodded, "Sure, follow me."
He led me through a maze of stairs and hallways. Out of nowhere, he said, "You really love this AJ guy don’t you?".
I blushed at what he said.
"Why do you say that?"
"I can just tell - it’s obvious you care about him a lot."
I lowered my head. *Is it really that obvious?* Before I knew it , we were standing in front of AJ’s room. He knocked on the door and a voice from inside called me in. I cautiously entered, unsure of what I might see. I walked in and the doctor motioned for me to sit down. As I caught my first glimpse at AJ, I saw him lying there, hooked up to lots of machines and IV’s. My hand raised to my mouth and my eyes filled with tears again.
"Oh my god," I murmured.
The doctor spoke up. "It’s not as bad as it looks. Really - it’s not. See, it looks like he only suffered a severe concussion to his head, and maybe a few broken bones - but he’ll be okay in the end. You know - he’s very lucky, and so are you that neither of you suffered head injuries or were killed. You guys should have been wearing your seatbelts."
The last thing I needed was this guy lecturing me. "I know. Is AJ awake?"
"Well, he’s temporarily knocked out right now. His body went into shock - that’s why you saw his eyes roll back, but he should come to pretty soon."
"Have you called his mom or anyone else?"
"Well - his mom’s out of town, but we were able to get a hold of one of his close friends - Howard Dorough, I believe his name is. He should be here pretty soon." He stood up to walk out the door.
"Can I stay here with him?", I asked him.
"Of course." He gave me a fake little smile.
As he left, I approached AJ’s bed cautiously and took his hand. "AJ - it’s Jen." I felt him squeeze my hand slightly.
"Listen - I am so sorry this happened to you. I never meant for you to get hurt. I just hope you’ll forgive me."
He held on tight to my hand. I felt myself choke up and another tear slid down my cheek. I softly kissed his hand, then went back to sit down. I put my head in my hands and closed my eyes. A few minutes later , I heard the door open. I looked up to see a handsome guy about my height, with brown eyes and medium curly brown hair, obviously of Spanish heritage, walk in.
"You must be Howie," I said as I looked him over.
"Yeah - and I take it you were the one with AJ in the car."
I nodded, "Yeah - Jen."
"Well nice to meet you Jen."
He held out his hand. I shook it and he pulled me to my feet. We both walked over to AJ, and the sight of him only made me cry more. I looked over at Howie and saw him trying to hold back tears as well. *What a sensitive guy*
"Are you and AJ really close?" I asked him.
He nodded , blinking back tears. " We’re like brothers. I’ve known him I was just a little guy."
He picked up AJ’s hand, "AJ - it’s me, Howie. How you doing, bro? You holding up? You don’t look too well from the outside - pretty banged up - but I know everything is going to turn out fine. I love you man." He came down and sat next to me.
"So how did you come across meeting AJ here?"
I told him the whole story from the beginning after I broke up with Josh to the car accident. By the time I was through, I was crying even harder than I was before. He took out a handkerchief and wiped the tears off of my cheeks. "It sounds like you’ve had a pretty hard day."
"Yeah". I looked up at him and gave a little smile.
"And it also sounds like you and AJ really hit it off pretty quick."
I lowered my head and tried to conceal a smile. I could feel my cheeks flaming. "Looks like someone has a little crush!"
I didn’t say anything and I looked up to see him smiling slyly at me. "Well....maybe just a little one."
He laughed and gave me another warm smile. There was a long silence and I began to think about everything that had happened that day. I felt tears streaming down my cheeks for what seemed to be the thousandth time. "Gee - you’re just a bucket of tears today, aren’t you?".
I nodded and we both stood up. He wrapped his arms around me and I let him hold me. I started crying even more. (hey - I can’t help it - I’m over emotional). He rubbed my back.
"It’s okay - you can cry all you want."
I leaned my head against his seemingly strong chest and took a deep breath , inhaling his sweet scent. I was almost afraid to let go - afraid I would collapse to his feet. He looked at his watch.
"It’s getting pretty late - we should probably leave him for the night. Do you need a ride home?"
"Yeah - thanks - that would be great."
We both approached AJ’s bedside, and each took one of his hands.
"AJ," Howie spoke up , "We’re going to go for tonight - I’m going to take Jen home. Hang in there for us , okay buddy?"
He didn’t respond, but we knew he had heard us.
Howie led me out to his car, we both got in and drove off. As we were riding in the dark, he turned to me. "I’ll bet your parents are real worried where you are."
I lowered my head. "I live by myself."
"Oh - I’m sorry I asked."
There was an awkward silence that followed. This time I turned to him. "You know what?"
"What?"
"This day has been so screwed up, but I really enjoyed meeting AJ and you - you guys really helped me out today - thank you so much."
"Well , you’re welcome."
"I just kind of surprised myself today - I mean , a couple of days ago, I wouldn’t have even trusted anyone I just met. But ….." , I paused , "I’m really glad I did - otherwise I never would have gotten to know two great guys."
He looked at me and smiled. I could see him slightly blushing as a oncoming car’s headlights illuminated his face. Before I even realized it, we had pulled up in front of my house.
"Thank you a bunch for taking me home - I really appreciate it."
"Oh - it was no problem. Say , are you going to visit AJ again tomorrow?"
"Yeah , of course I am - wait . My car.." I looked at him and he was smiling.
"That’s what I was getting at - you need a lift?"
"If you wouldn’t mind - I just don’t want you to start feeling like my taxi!"
"Alright - what time do you need me to pick you up?"
I thought for a minute. "I don’t know - it depends on if I feel like going to school. Here, how about you call me either later tonight or in the morning and I’ll tell you what I decide. Okay?"
I wrote down my number on a slip of paper and handed it to him. He wrote his down also. "If you need anything - just call me."
I smiled at him. "You are so sweet - thank you. I’ll see you tomorrow . Bye!"
"Bye." He answered back.
I walked up my driveway to my doorstep. I dug my keys out of my bag and unlocked the door. As I was going in , I glanced back and saw him sitting there smiling at me. I smiled back and gave him a little wave good-bye.
As I shut the door behind me, I threw my bag on the couch and kicked my shoes off. I walked into my kitchen and noticed my answering machine blinking at me. I sighed and pressed the button.
"Hey Jen - it’s me". It was my best friend Danielle. "Where are you? Everyone’s been worried sick. Are you OK about your and Josh’s breakup? He’s a jerk, Jen , he’s not worth it. I really hope you didn’t do anything stupid. Give me a ring when you get this. Later babes."
I debated whether I really felt like calling her. I grabbed the phone , went to my bedroom and sank down into my waterbed. I dialed her number and she immediately picked up.
"Danielle - it’s me Jen."
" Oh my God - where were you? What happened? Who were you.."
"Chill out girl! I’m fine."
"Where were you?"
"Let’s just say I was in good hands - no need to worry about me."
"And whose hands would those be?" she asked , slyly suggesting.
"How about I let you in on the info later - I’m beat. It’s been a long day."
"Alright - if you’re sure you’re okay?"
"Positive - I’m fine. Check you later."
"Later."
I threw the phone down beside me and buried my face in my pillow.
*This has been the longest fuckin day of my entire life. First Josh - then AJ. What am I supposed to do? I just can’t forget about Josh - I still care for him. But do I love him? And what about AJ? He is such a great guy - and I think there really might be something between us - but do I really want to trust my feelings with a complete stranger? I really hope he’s going to be okay. And what am I going to do about my car?*
So many thoughts were going through my mind - I guess it was so overwhelming , I dozed off. The next thing I remember , I heard the phone ringing. I drowsily reached for it, and managed to focus enough to hit the power button. "Hello?"
"Hey Jen - it’s me."
"Me who?" I asked.
"Me Josh."
I sighed. " I thought I told you to leave me alone."
"Jen ..Listen to me.. I am so sorry. I made a mistake."
"The hell you did Josh! When you broke up with me, you don’t know how I felt. You don’t know how I hurt. You hurt me more than anyone or anything ever has in my entire life!"
"I know sweetie , I know."
"Don’t call me sweetie."
"Jen - I WAS WRONG. I’ll admit it. I thought it was best for us to spend some time apart - but after not having you beside me for a couple hours , I realized I need you. I miss you ...I love you."
Tears were already streaming down my cheeks. "Don’t do this to me Josh. Listen. I care about you - and I always will, but face it - it’s over. You made the mistake and now you have to live with it."
"You can’t be for real."
"Oh trust me - I am. Now if you don’t mind , I’ve had a really long day, and would like to get some rest."
"But Jen.."
"Bye Josh."
I hung up on him, and laid back down. I closed my eyes and began to drift off. * I can’t believe I just ended it for good. I hope it was the right thing....*