This is me hanging out in someone's backyard.
This is my page to my son, David, who I was so
excited about. David shares the name as my father
and I. It was to be a joyous occasion for me to have
my first son and the fact we share the same name. As
my wife told you she picked out the name Jesus to be
included in his name. She believed in that God would
bless us with a son and all the year round and so
she made a promise to our Lord that he would have
the name Jesus in his name.
When I was paged and was told to come to the hospi-
tal's Labor and Delivery and that Nicole was there,
I just knew something was wrong, it was to early. I
was heartbroken and felt WHY. My wife was so sick
and this had to happen. It just so happened my
cousin was in town and so I called him and he, his
girlfriend, and my Aunt came over to be with me.
It was a hard time because here was my wife laying
in this bed and I couldn't do anything to help her.
She had never given birth before and didn't know how
to push or breath. She did very good though, she
did something that was amazing after just learning
her son had passed.
Getting prepared to lay my son to rest was the hard-
thing Nicole and I ever had to do. We hope never to
do it again. Before she was discharged from the hos-
pital I went and got my second tatoo, which is the
symbol they put outside my wife's door after giving
birth. They put it out there so that the nurses know
not to come in and check for vital signs. This is my
way of coping, getting that tatoo and so now I will
be adding on to it 'In Loving Memory of David Alan
Jesus Savage, III August 9, 2000', it will go around
the symbol. I tried to be there for my wife through
this but she was very solemn and didn't want to be
around anyone so I let her come to me when she was
ready. It's still hard for her now but she has been
trying to deal with it the best way she knows how.
The day of the viewing was extremely hard because
we were going to see our son for the last time. We
got there and right when we stepped in Nicole
couldn't hold back the tears. I had to be strong for
her but she was all to pieces. We went in the back
room first with her mother and grandmother as every-
one would come through and give their condolences
and it was hard for her because when we walked in
the room Nicole started to cry loudly and was over-
welmed with how everything looked. Kevin came to us
the day before and told us what to expect, I guess
she forgot as she was in shock. I didn't know what
to think as I saw my son laying in his casket with
all the things Nicole and I bought for him and there
was my wife about to faint. I all I could do was
gather her up, I was hurting inside to go through
this for the first time. I watched my wife vomit for
months while she was pregnant with David and I was
scared something would happen to her or the baby.
It did, and it was out of my control. I'm angry
because I didn't get to know my son as my wife did
and get to see him look up at me and smile and know
I'm his Daddy. That is something to behold. As
people came pass us to give us their condolences,
I'm not sure if my wife was aware of everyone around
her because she was just staring at David and I was
not really there either. I just wanted to go and be
with my wife and grieve together, but she was some-
where else. I wish I knew what she was thinking then
because she cried all the time.
We went into the room alone because Nicole wanted to
hold David one last time and so Kevin took him out
slowly and told Nicole how to hold him as if she
held him wrong some stuff will emerge from his
mouth. So she held him gently but wanted to hug him.
She and I cried as we looked at our son, he was so
beautiful, I couldn't believe we actually made this
wonderful being. He looked like both of us which was
astonishing to me, he had my hands and ears and
Nicole's lips, nose, and chin. The eyes was a mix-
ture. Then Nicole had to put him back, that was hard
for her to do. We had asked her mother to come in
there and take pictures of us with him and so she
did. The next morning it was the funeral. We went to
the funeral home early that morning around 8 or 9
and we went in to look at our son one more time.
They kept it open all night I think just in case we
wanted to come back that night, but Nicole was ex-
huasted and went to bed later that night before our
last goodbye to our son the next day.
The day of the funeral, it was a little breezy out-
side but hot. Nicole's best-friend, Joy, came down
that morning to be here for her. We all went in the
same car and got there. As I drove up Nicole start-
ed crying before we turned into the cemetary, I had
to hold it together because I was driving. As we
parked Nicole saw his casket and all the flowers
around, especially ours, the one we bought, it was
was so pretty on his casket and I think that is why
she cried so much. She knew this was the day we put
our son to rest. He was going to go in the ground.
She and I were going to say goodbye one last time,
she kept rocking back and forth holding on to a
teddy bear that she was going to put on his grave.
Nicole carried him for 6 months and it was hard for
her to let go. Father Timothy said some verses from
the bible and Sean, Nicole's brother, said some too.
Then we sang Amazing Grace. The other day when
Nicole and I went to pick out his spray for his
grave, she saw an Angel with her arms spread out and
she wanted it to put on his grave and the lady who
owns the shop told us that this same Angel had a
music box on it, so we bought it. She wanted it to
be by his casket at the funeral. So everytime we go
out there to visit him we take the Angel along and
play the song, it plays Amazing Grace. We knew it
would be sung at the funeral because Father Timothy
came by the day before and talked with us what we
would like at his funeral. Then came the time to put
him in the ground. I lifted his casket up and walk-
ed it over to his grave and put him in and in the
background Nicole had saw this and started to cry
some more after seeing me do this. Kevin asked her
if she wanted to go over and watch this, she said
no at first then yes. As she walked over she saw me
pick up the shovel and shovel the dirt into the
ground. The cemtary consultant told us days before
that when a parent or both does this it means clos-
ure, Nicole was to weak to help and I wanted to do
it, this is how I felt close to him even though she
had the benifit of knowing him the longest and more
closely. One of Nicole's mother's close friend
thought it would be a good idea to pick a flower and
put it in the grave with him. Nicole went first and
everyone followed. I filled the grave all by myself.
Nicole told me all she wanted to do was be in there
with him, just crawl in there with him and stay. She
knew she couldn't so she knelt on the ground and
cried. I hugged her and held her tight as Joy was
near to comfort her and her family was with her.
I wish I had more time with him and gotten to know
him, Nicole wishes that everyday and I know how much
pain she is in. Sometimes I hear her say 'I went
through all that sickness for nothing and look what
do I have to show for it, my picc line marks and my
stretch marks', then she apologizes to the Lord for
forgetting her faith. We are now planning on having
another baby. Hopefully we will be blessed this time
around and nothing bad will happen to either of them
is my prayer. Nicole's is that and she is so scared
of having Hyperemesis Gravidarum again, I don't
blame her for being scared, that was awlful to watch
a loved one go through. The TPN helped her and the
baby stay alive, but because the antimetic wasn't in
her bag David died, Nicole probably would of too.
If Nicole hadn't had the TPN, David wouldn't have
weighed as much as he did, he had a weight size for
the right size he was suppose to be at and more.
~The raindrops represent my tears that I cry for my
son.~
This is my Dad and I, we were in Virginia Beach when
we took this picture on a boat. We went fishing with
with my step-mother, Rose. Later that day we went
to Ocean Breeze Fun Park to the race cars. My father
and Rose love racing. The picture was taken in 8/98.
This is us for our Christmas picture, David is miss-
ing out of this picture. It would have be perfect.
It is very hard for Nicole to smile in this picture
as it was for me since David wasn't there. Nicole
wanted his first pictures to be taken there, we
went to The Picture People for this photo and she
couldn't wait for his newborn pictures to be taken.
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