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This was the day that little Zac passed away,
a day I will never forget.
The day started off normal
as any other day,
except today we would have a doctor appointment
an hour from where we lived.
We had driven there before so
I was not to worried about this trip.

As we woke up that day,
I got Zac up and fed him
and changed his clothes.
Zac's grandma and aunt would be traveling
with us this day so we all started getting around,
so we could leave for the doctor appointment.
Zac was crying during his feeding and
had turned a little blue in the face
this was normal with this heart disease,
his color quickly turned normal
when he quieted down
so we did not think to much of it.

As we set out on our trip
to the doctors appointment,
Zac's Aunt sat in the back with Zac
and me and Zac's grandma were up front.
We stopped at a drive thru for breakfast,
and then were off on our way.
Bout 15-20 miles from our home,
we pulled over to get gas for the car,
Zac was asleep.

As we getting ready to leave the Gas Station,
Zac began to fuss,
I turned around in my seat
to find a bottle or pacifyer for Zac
in the diaper bag.
I found the bottle
and was trying to see if Zac wanted the bottle,
then noticed he quieted down,
he was beginning to sweat
and his skin was turning blotchy.
I then yelled at my mom to pull over
something was wrong.
We had jus pulled out from the gas station
so was less than a mile down from the gas station.

I began fiddling with Zac's carseat,
trying to get him out of it,
the seat belt was stuck,
when i got it open I noticed Zac's breathing
had tremendously slowed down,
he was barely breathing.
As I picked him up,
he stopped breathing!

Zac's Nana a nurse (RN),
had been a nurse most of her life,
and I in no condition to do CPR
from screaming and crying
quickly handed Zac to her.
We had a car phone on us
and I quickly plugged it in and called 911.
Not knowing what to do I called a friend,
then called 911 again.
Called Zac's dad,
whom was home
getting ready for work,
then called 911 again.
I called 3-5 times
as it seemed they were taking forever.
It took them approx 20-25 min to arrive.

Finally about 20 min from my first call ,
we seen an ambulance approaching,
while my mother still continued CPR.
The ambulance stopped in front of our car,
got out and casually walked to the car,
I jumped out of the car
to tell them what had happened,
being on a busy highway,
I tried to be careful of not getting hit.
I told the ambulance people to hurry,
Zac had a serious heart disease,
they then ran over snatched Zac
and told us to follow them to the hospital.

On the way to the hospital,
I tried to reach Zac's dad again.
Upon getting a hold of him,
I told him what had happened
and that we were on our way to the hospital,
he said he would meet me there.

Upon arriving at the hospital,
my family and I were taken to a room,
I was crying uncontrolably
thinking the worse.
Zac's father soon joined us.
No later than 5 min after Zac's father arrived
a doctor came in and told us
that Zac was DOA (dead on arrival)
when they brought him in
and they did everything they could
but could not bring him back.
What !! I thought how could this be,
Zac had jus been to his heart doctor a week before.
I was in shock and did not want to leave with out my baby.

The doctor told us we could go in
and say good-bye to little Zac,
so that is what we did.
I picked him up and held my precious son
for over 3 hours after he passed away,
I let everyone else hold him
for 5 minutes but it seemed to long to me.
I did not want to say good-bye,
I did not want to put him down
or let him go.
I continued to hold Zac
and tell him how unfair this was
and that I loved him so much,
I was waiting for him to just wake up.

This day was one of the most horrible days of my life,
I still remember as if it were yesterday.
Unfortunately the pain I endured
that day of losing a child,
one of the hardest things to go thru,
happened again 4 years after
I layed Zac to rest.
My 3 year old son
born with the same heart disease
died in my arms at home to heart and lung failure.

Losing a child is so hard,
Im not sure where my strength comes from at times
but there are many days I pray
I do not have to get up out of bed,
I try to be strong for my daughter,
and I know one day,
I will be with my boys again.



A million times we've needed you
A million times we have cried,
If love alone could have saved you
You never would have died.
In life we loved you dearly
In death we love you still,
For in our hearts you hold A place
no-one could ever fill.
It broke our hearts to lose you.
But you did not go alone,
For a part of us went with you
The day God took you home.
~~Author Unknown~~

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