"note to self: do not stick hangers in ear." me
"eeeww frank!" EVERYONE
"hi, my name is 'scott moffatt.' i play the 'guitar.' my favorite song is 'misery.'" holly
"yeah okay sheila, why don't you go fuck one of your stepsons or something..." me
"are you bringing any drugs or alcohol into the country?" customs lady
"HELL YEAH!!" sarah
"she should stop buying all that glam rock shit and go get her eyes sucked back in her head!" melissa
"ever see 'down to you?' i don't know man, but freddie prinze jr. is in it, and he can go down on me..." melissa
"hey, that was my fucking ear!!" girl
"....well...yeahhh...." me
"does anybody have change for a nickel?" me
"this marker smells like a wet rag..." mr. gosciewski, "....A DISH CLOTH!!"
"mooshi mooshi! aaahh, you deliver?" melissa
"you ladies need a ride?"
"....FUCK NO!!!!!!!" me and melissa
"i hope you're all having dreams about zac's penis, cause no one is waking up to talk to me..." chelsea
"'scott' is down there eating his 'croissants' moodily." holly
"woah... what if scott did endorse condoms and they couldn't sell any cause they had pics of scott on them... and i don't think a lot of non moffatt fans would go for that... well anyway instead of throwing out guitar pics scott could throw out unwanted unsold scott approved durex condoms....lol and to scotts annoyance half the fans still wouldn't know what they were for... cause despite scott's efforts to be all badass... about half the fans are still 10 and under...." holly
"i think it started when he wanted the barbies for christmas...i think for a little while... like 95-98 he wasn't so gay but after that.... i think he gave up on trying to deny his childhood realization that he's homosexual...." holly
"i just remembered this dave quote that could take him out of suspicion and under definate realization: 'okay that's it buddy, i'm coming out of the closet whether you like it or not!'" holly
"i hope some east sider puts a cap in his ass..." me
"what's this horseshit? NOW the shit has hit the fan and splattered the walls! AH bastards... well, i better get my money back or i'll fucking fly down to nashville and beat their goofy lookin ass mom bloody." sarah
"on a scale of one to ten, i give it a gay." john droke
"GAHHHH FALL IN LOVE WITH MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" cae
"i just watched 'boys and girls.' it was really fucking dumb but it made me realize i want to have sex with freddie prinze jr - WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?" sarama
"dave was staring at me with his googly eyes!" sarah
"*chrissy throws confetti, blows a whistle, and does a little dance while shaking pom-poms* i always wondered what it would be like to be a cheerleader." chrissy
"daniel can fuck me. many many times." me
"zac is beautiful." nevie and me
"we should have been born gay men." nevie
"why did I not think of this before? *taps fingers together* exxxxxccellent." lacie
"he was to busy trying to figure out how to suck his own ass to find another shirt." darlene
"yeah i can see that way he's kissing - its called shitty." cae
"he needs some facial soap asap." cae
"i mean - occasional bathing is a good idea." cae
"gertrude is growing. she must be eating well." nevie
"i think that fucking egotistical asshole lars ulrich should keep his jewish mouth shut!" sarama
"god i'm practically in tears here, i'm telling pool about the guy who swam in shit." chrissy
"i sound like SUCH an asshole speaking spanish, i swear." chrissy
"'eww, i'm afraid of commitment. however i am not afraid of having your hands down my pants.'" sarama
"nigga please he'll be staring at you too." sarama
"holy fuck, you're in charge of my bedtime stories from now on." me
"the boy can wear seafoam green like nobody's business." nevie
"come AGAIN?? but you wore me out after orgasm 13, lover." aspen
"YAY! you are PSYCHIC!" me
"this is true. lol *wears turban and has infomercials*" aspen
"you know he had like dave take a pic of you when you weren't looking." sarama
"when i'm famous i'm going to talk about how i get off to taylor - and how i would bed scott but he's too much of an ass to deal with. and of course being the bitchvixen i'll be, he'll want me bad." me
"scott must have quite the extensive fantasy file." nevie
"radiohead won a grammy! whoo hoo. bet scott's drinkin' a beer to THAT!" nicole
"and bob's sitting three going, 'that nsync guy has my haircut!'" me
"oh fuck that's rich." nevie
"that pic is money! that kid is solid gold i tell you, absolutely GOLDEN. man i'd bone him." liz
"yeah, margo and shauna should like...go bowling together or something. GO TEAM ASSHOLE!" liz
"and people say moffatts are bigger than hanson..hmmm HAHAHAHAH i laugh at that." sarah
"oops i did it again..it hit the talk butttonnnnnnn *sings*" brooke
"taylor always looks best sweating with his mouth wide open." nevie
"you know he's all in denial...'umm no, it's not a mullet it's just...uhh...a little long in the back...' 'yeah dave and a little short in the front you mullet freak!'" sarama
"but don't worry, canadians are the stupidest people in the world." holly
"hey, uh, zac, i was just wondering if you wanted to uh, touch me. bring your brother." liz
"i swear he is the ugliest kid i have ever known." sarama
"hahaha fuck me outlook express, i love you. let's get married. i wanna be mrs express." me
"and scott casually fuckin you in a closet." chrissy
"ahha like in mallrats, scott would be like, 'WHO'S YOUR DADDY? COME ON, WHO'S YOUR FAVORITE HANSON? CALL ME TAYLOR!' only he wouldn't be fucking me in the ass." me
"ahhh 'say my name! say my name bitch!' 'scott' 'no my OTHER name' 'taylor!!' that is semi-disturbing." sarama
"just semi." me
"she stoned me like a sinner." jack
"jesus, i'm a bloody fucking mess." me
"what'd you do?" mom
"shave." me
"pienso que son todos atractivos usted hembra caliente del asno." sarama
"what the FUCK does that say." me
"haha they are all sexy you hot ass bitch." sarama
"LOL sweeeeeet..." me
"oh okay mom since you dont want me to go i guess i'll stay. file that under never." sarama
"he was probably like playing video games, "scott! i am beating you in racing! ::geeky laugh::" ::scott's making out with girl:: oh not again dave....::sarcasm::" sarama
"i have nooo interest in guessing games unless it involves moffatts or hansons or ofarims and underwear or lack thereof." cassie
"my virgin vocabulary must have been sleeping around last week." cae
"i was sitting here mindin my shit and i hear shit outside my window... talking... like a radio." me
"really now? yea i can see how that would scare the holy hell out of you. nothing is scarier than am radio." cae
"and what does isaac think he's doing back there?" nevie
"fantasizing about you." me
"har har. okay mrs. HANDSon." nevie
"and where in the hell is taylor? he's hibernating." nevie
"fucking me." me
"where is taylor hiding?" nevie
"in my pants." me
"i'm gonna add a thing at the top of my site that says 'new times roman sucks my ass.'" sarama
"LOLOL times new roman, dyslexia girl." me
"i didn't realize i had it mixed up." sarama
"most dyslexics don't." me
"eee...dido's 'aria' has scary music in it....the creepy horror movie type of music....someone hold me...oh wait i'll just change the song." sarama
"kay isaac is kicked out of the band. that's it. i've had it. he's so cut." liz
"i'll join and HAVE SEX WITH THEM all the time." me
"they can change from being a music group to a live sex show act. SPANK ME ZAC AHH!" liz
"owwwwwwww my bra is hurting me. TEAR IT OFF ZAC YES YES!" nevie
"i want zac to eat melted pizza toppings off my tummy." nevie
"okay should i ask to come on the thursday or the friday?" liz
"HOW LONG YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE ME?" me
"that all depends on how well you respond to the roofies...i mean....uhh..." liz
"damn my jeans are tight. i feel like taylor." me
"'DIE EVIL ONE DIE....i mean have fun honey.'" sarama
"amber the lampshade is running away!" sarama
"ah yes i am going to watch that when i get off....... aim." me
"A PENETRATION SCENE! WHOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. YES YES YES YES!!!!!!! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE?" liz
"i bet he has a hairy ass." sarama
"do you want butter?" mom
"of course i want butter... what do i look like? somebody... who... doesn't like butter??" me and sarama
"where do you want to go on your honeymoon?" survey
"down on scott." me
"that made my day, well that along with al getting threatened by hanson's lawyers. my bestest friend has offically been spanked by hanson... isn't she cool? agree or face my wrath." nevie
"oh that's okay though, i'll just chill with dawn while you two romp around... y'know, watch the concert, cause i know you'll be running around like a gypsy all day..." jackie
"eat me rivers. eat me eat me eat me. don't hold back now boy." michelle
and taylor was like, 'EW UM, THAT'S WRONG.' YEAH WELL SO IS GETTING YOUR DICK SUCKED BY YOUR BABYSITTER, FAGBOY, SIT DOWN." liz
"i think you forgot one about doing zac until his eyes roll back in his head and he needs dramamine." michelle
"oh. so THATS what happened on the boat ... *looks accusingly* BRANDON ..." michelle
"it's like 'hello. i'm illiterate and can't sing for shit but i'm going to have a lot of ghetto assholes to be my peeps and we're gonna make mad flow anyway. fuckerbitchniggahniggahfuckinpimpdaddybuttfuckniggah.'" michelle
"i want your sex, you penis-waving sicko." michelle
"i got this kickass brown corduoroy jacket at sears yellow tagged and marked for A FUCKING DOLLAR. i was like i dont care what it looks like on me, it is COMING HOME." michelle
"i'd send zac to save you but he's getting fatter as the seconds tick on so i think you're out of luck." michelle
"goddamn you have a way of putting things that gets me ALL EXCITED AND WHATNOT lmao christ. it's too much, im going to pass out." michelle
"why don't you bite me. better yet, bite isaac. i dont want your blasphemous mouth on me." michelle
"fuck me scott, you amaze me from all angles." holly
"i bet zac reads porn. about taylor." me
"zac reads porn about himself." nevie
"FUCKING HELL THERE'S THE GODDAMN FUCKING MOFFATTS ON THE COVER. FUCK THEY'RE FREE." me
"someone just drove down my street BLASTING stevie nicks. *perk* taylor? ahahah. dumbasses." michelle
"i wish i had a penis so taylor could suck it." michelle
"you do realize that you'll all be paying for sex when you grow up?" kelly
"it's all about the wormholes!" jay
"hey, shut up for a minute, i'm trying to ignore you." jackie
"out of the five of you, one of you is going to be gay when you're older." jay
"could you PLEASE stop humping my back. yeah, that'd be nice." me
"thanks for your beef." me
"you can have my beef any day." kelly
"will you carry me?" kelly
"i'll carry you alright... right into my bed." me
"even better." kelly
"my underwear's all wet, eeew." kelly
"i wouldn't know about that......" jay
"eew, jay! put your underwear on!" me and kelly
"why are you nine and telling me dirty jokes?" me
"my feet are so cold! perhaps you could... warm them up." kelly
"can i be your parrot? i'll sit wherever you want." kelly
"even on my lap? oooh-ho-ho." me
"are you calling me a ho? i didn't think that would be a problem." kelly
"what were the police going to, arrest my parents for being hospitable?" meri
"mmm hey bob, REOOOOWRR OWW!" cassie
"do you have much music?" me
"um, i have a 101 CD changer?" chris
"there's no time for that, chris." meri
"excuse me, do you have the joy of sex book?" me
"tippy's my hooooooo nigga!" cassie
"LET'S HEAR IT FOR JESUS!" me
"my change fell!" cassie
"i'll get it...." me
"know what else you can do while you're down there?" cassie
"mmmm suck it?" me
"it's like a puff daddy video!" cassie
"when you assume, you make an ass out of you and me." cassie
"are you guys on a bowling league?" guy at restaurant
"would you like to know something interesting about croutons in michigan?" me
"mmm yeah that sounds like a hip cat, man mmm..." cassie
"i can't hear no crickets over you." cassie
"that's going to be the name of my movie.... a football player named desira." cassie
"..... wait, that's a little too close to a streetcar named desire." me
"'that guy cut you off! toot your horn, ike!'" liz
"oh my gentle jesus it is hotter than sin in here." sarama
"you smell like a cow. go away." sarama
"no, for real. get I AM in huge italic letters on your arm." sarah
"SCOTT IS THAT YOU IN THERE?" me
"yes of course ... he's eaten me out and then taken over my body. HELLO AL FUCK ME." michelle
"there's some asshole virus going around parents...my mom caught it too." chrissy
"eww i don't want him touching scott...lol...mmmmweeeeell, actually i'm lying. that'd be fucking gross yet FUCKING RAD AS HELL." sarah
"i had a surprise party for my grandma. she had a heartattack." margo
"margo, turn your car on so i don't look like an asshole." me
"i'm not fucking kidding, we have a gun and it's loaded." sarah
"no one lives in nebraska." me
"then why'd they make it a state?" sara
"cause they need to take up the land with states. what do you wanna call it, the yukon territory?" me
"how do you know it's big? i've never been with him. do you have something to tell me, al?" sara
"yeah, this one time...." me
"this one time, at band camp, i stuck scott up my..." sara
"ew zac, you smell, get out of here." me
"so do my feet but you keep them in here..." sara
"that's what you think, kunta kinte." me
"how's it feel to have no feet?" me
"it's a running joke... HOW DOES IT RUN WITH NO FEET?" me