i really hate the world

date: october 17, 2000
time: 9:42 p.m.
listening to: icq 'uh oh'
talking to: chrissy, lace, sara, patty
feeling: tired and headachey.
wearing: black sweats and my grey and black dragon baseball shirt.

holy fucking god.

i don't know. i felt the need to say that. and i'm sure you're all thinking about how i'm going to burn in hell for it - oh yes, i feel the flames licking closer. *gag*

anyways. happy birthday to zac on sunday. sweet jesus, that kid's gonna be fifteen. know what's scarier? IKE IS GOING TO BE TWENTY. fucking sick, i tell you. oh well. he's a cute daddy, ne? no no, he didn't have children. but he should. cause he'd be a good daddy. there aren't enough of those in the world, it seems.

but i'm getting off track. as per usual. i'm just bitter.

i also hate school. today the stewpid choir director, mrs. taylor, bitched at us for about an hour for not learning our songs fast enough. um, fuck me if i'm wrong, but i do believe we've only been taught ONE? and we only sing ONE a day? so i told her so. and she screamed bloody murder at me, then stomped out and slammed the door. i'm glad to see our teaching staff can act like grown adults, that's for sure.

and i didn't do my math homework. well, i did 2/3 of the problems, and that's better than my usual. nothing. lol. and i did them without looking up the answers (until i was done, to check them), so too bad. it's not like he actually LOOKS at our papers, so i don't care. watch, with my luck, tomorrow he'll check them. *sigh* i hateee schooollll!

i am so ready to move, it's ridiculous. i also miss nevie. she's in tennessee right now. *huuuugsss* she won't even be gone a week, but i still miss her. lol. i'm funny like that.

man, today really sucked. i almost puked up my food. but like, i didn't know how to do that, and i also don't like puke. and shit, if my mom found out, it'd be hell to pay. she used to be anorexic, i guess - or so she tells me. before she had kids... that's why she had them so late. she was 28 when she had me. i guess that's not really late, but for back then it was.

in pysch today, we had to do these really morbid assignments. like "if you died today, what would people say about you" and stuff. i didn't know what people would say. and then we had to make a timeline from birth to death of all the things we'll accomplish. let me tell you, when you're forced to do that, it's hard. and it was a sad thing for me. and excuse the fuck out of me, but i just don't want to think about dying, so fuck off, mr. assignment. *sigh* i did it anyway. it sucked. then i started remembering when i was little how i wasn't s'posed to live, cause like... i swallowed a bottle of aspirin or something, and it really messed up my liver and i wasn't expected to live. and that lead to wondering if that was why my dad is so damn bitter about me...? probably. so i had all these icky thoughts about how he probably didn't want me to live.

it really sucked.

but now i'm talking to chrissy and she's giving me warm fuzzies, so it's okay. and i'm thinking about how beautiful taylor is, and the world is nice again. for now anyways.

c'est la vie.

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