I had a weird say, a disappointing day, an emotional day, a passing day which keeps passing and passing and passing..damn this verb, it doesn't really pass, not at all.
Do you know the feeling when it's raining outside and it's so gray and depressing and when you turn on the T.V there's just the same depressing weather..and the whole house is painted with a myst of winter that says " snow can wait, I forgot my mittens wipe my nose ,get my new boots on, I get a little warm in my heart when I think of winter I put my hand in my father's glove I run off where the drifts get deeper, sleeping beauty trips me with a frown..." but when it's cold even in the places that were made for escaping reality..what do we have then? some star dust and 3 first tears- one from my left eye, one from my right and one from my whole body..only one..we don't know it but our eyes are the most powerful and their tears are so huge, if the whole body can make a tear that as large as an eye-tear then we have to know how affecting is one tear..only one, of only one eye..but when one eye cries the other joins it even if it doesn't want to..they're bonded, and so is my body to them..so it's like that- every scene of crying always starts with 3 tears with me..do you count your tears?
I'm not feeling like telling what was going on later on because I feel too together now, I can't fall apart. so let me just escape for a moment, be my shelter, try to love me for just a second there..I'm not such a bad person, sometimes, always, yes.
(listening to radio ga-ga now..) I remember that we heard that cd on our way to my cousin's wedding on the 31 of August, and the wind was so fresh and it blows so perfectly, I felt like all of these models from the tampons commercials..so windy..but I was for real, and I didn't even have a period. So we opened our windows and smelled the new air of a new beginning, and suddenly there was that song " I want to break free " and we put it in the highest volume and we started to sing and we felt for once as one note of an entire perfect melody, and we discovered that this note is so happy..it can blow everyone away, i can control the whole melody, and it does, I had such fun that night..since then everything has changed, I wouldn't give anything away though..even if it's horrible, it's a part of me. and I'm not that horrible, at least right now I'm good, I'm listening to queen and I'm happy. I'm the snow queen of this room, do you see any snow queens around? well..
I'm starving..I want to touch a rose's thorn and I want to..break free
Natalie
p.s- here's a song that the 2 violinists sang today..I love this song..it is so 60's and it's so..so...
We went to see this cultural show today, with 2 violinists who played so heavenly, I was so riveted, I can always just flow with a violin's magic, I always claimed that the most enchanting thrill is the violin, it's the ideal kite- I can fly without hurting my wings. It never takes oxygen, it brings all the good things in. in. in.
And the stupid stupid stupid kids ( they are kids in my eyes..but a bad kind. when someone's not a kid and I say that he is, it is bad. and with me, a child is the pure version of "kid", kid is cruel, kid is superficial, kid is bad for you.) said " eeeckkk..what is that thing? bwah". Tho I think that even if you don't like what you see, you must clap your hands when it ends. and they didn't..and when they did..it just wasn't enough. These violinists are so talented, they were one russian guy who was educated on western music and classical hues and the other was an arab one who was raised on eastern music and folk eastern tunes. And together it was..such an amazing combination, they didn't try to make Mozart something else, they made that "something else" more of Mozart, they made their own lovely royalty and it was really better than any combination, even more than the hellenism. I was the only one who said that it was quite delighting, it filled me with landscapes of green beams (that's the picture I put today..my own green beam, me and Ayelet..we have something for forests, in our world we're the forest's demons..plus, the best metaphors are born there..aren't they?) and white cows with black spots, and the cow's black spots are so natural in my landscape..and the black is so cheerfull because it should be there, and this optimistic rainbow is coloring my pupil in endless patterns of green fields..with white cows..and black spot where my black hole is..but in my landscape even that spot can see, it's not voided. I'm not so happy now, I'm better though since I put my old "queen" cd on and I'm listening to " it's a kind of magic" and I can't deny that it is..a kind of magic..Freddie is always an example for everything to me, he's so happy, he's so vibrated with life, he's so effervescent..chemistry should bow his energies, they still exist, after all, what do they say- nothing is disappearing, it's all preserved- it is never created of nothing and never becomes nothing, it is always there. who am I to convince physics otherwise? the magic is still here, even if he is gone..wait- he's not..
read..will you join me?