* it's deep and dark like the water was The day I learned to swim" Kate Bush
Such a measly day, and it never seems to end. Odi will come back today only in 20:00, it means that my only chance of being alive is delayed and now I need to see how is the world without my beloved damsel. It was such a measly day indeed..
I will start at the beginning ( it's an important thing to mention, I think that people these days are always trying to start somewhere else..then why are they so surprised that they're losing themselves if they had to have themselves to begin with), and it was such a poor beginning. My father has told me yesterday that our car is a bit rusty and that he's taking it to the garage ..so he's driving me everyday to school and today wasn't any different. But we got stuck with our car, in the most bustling road in the world, where every car is driving on 100 Km per hour and..we just stood there in the middle of this road, enjoying the wind of the speeding cars and waiting for salvation..I got a taxi and got to school alone in that thing..then I thought that I'm late to chemistry class so I ran my guts out to the lab and I foudn out that I don't even have chemistry, I have biology. The class haven't even started and the secretary wrote that i'm late and I was not..Damn This!!!!!!!!!! So then we were in biology and the teacher said that she has to ask my history teacher for my grade coz it's time..and I was all stressed coz I thought that he's bringing us the tests back, but don't worry..he didn't. I told him that he can burn mine if he wants..and he smiled and went out of the room. My biology teacher told me that my report card is easy to remember and that my average is 97 point something and I thought to myself " in gym she gave me 80..and in history he'll probably give me a..a..I don't wanna think about it!" but it's so horrible, what a stupid report card..have I dropped down so much? no one understands this ambitious side of me, but it's not even ambition, it's my will to be myself 100% and I can do it, I CAN! I do believe in myself somewhere but now I gave up on me, they all do. it's the story of my life really, do you want a cup of tea while you're reading? I'm waiting.
all you need is
a teapot
dozens of sugar
boiling water
anything else you put in it
and now all you need is a little mug
and a little spoon
and a little hand to toss everything together and mix it
and now
take the mug
feel the rising gas
and
drink
are you ok now? good, let's continue our journey among my sufferings. then we had a lecture of a woman who tried to convince us to join this program of people" who want success, who want to believe in themselves" she selled the crap of " you all can do it! everyone has something hidden in himself, we can help you get it out! we will let you see that you can be anything you want, you own the future, you can look at things in a new perspective....." and I slept in the mean time and though to myself..why are everyone teaching us that we're so wrong, they teach us because we're stupid, they want up to progress because we're not good enough, they always say that we have more inside that isn't shown. Well, what if it should be like this? What if that's what we want? What if we're ok? What if we want to walk and know which steps did we take, and what if..what if we want to let it out and we don't want anyone to help us in it..?
I don't need help and I don't think that people need to believe to these nonsense, you can't create a pineapple our of a tomato and you can't teach a child to hate his mother. Why does everyoen has an opinion about everything? when something isn't defined, it's more clear, because then we really think about it and we don't believe to their cults and silver spoons. I thought that the lecture is during gym class but no no no, we had gym, I didn't know though so I didn't come in he proper style..and when I told the teacher she couldn't believe me ( not only me, there were many girls who claimed the same, only that I was honest, i really was) and I screamed for 5 seconds and then I went in quiet to think why do they always question everyone, no one believes in morality or good intentions, it's all about how surropted you are and how much can you hide behind your wide coat. I think that we all have to see everyone as decent at first and then if they prove us wrong we need to judge differently. We're not the same, not all of us are killers or liars or herbs breeders- we're human and I think that " human" is in the " good" realm..only that not every person is human, not everyone is a human being.
There's a storm outside and it looks so murky, sirens are singing in my ears, or maybe these are only my sweet humming..I touch the glass, at the cold window and I see a fair heretic who lives in this castle of seclusion, this nun, this "me" really likes to listen to the rain ( it never rains in here) but only because when it's raining, I'm not afraid to sing in the rain, someone has done it before.
Do you think that we can do something that was never done? if not, why are we here really..? no uniqueness..only hoarse voices that are getting from a deep abyss we can never reach.
One day I will drop a coin to the fountain
and one day it will drop that coin towards me
Storms and thunders
(orages et eclaires- in french :))
Natalie
p.s- 3 facts you need to know about me..for today ( I will add 3 each day..I'm not that interesting anyway *s*)
1. I really love Marilyn Manson and the rest of the goth psychos..:) they're funny
2. I really like biology and it's what I'm gonna study next year
3. I really love all of these vampires form the Ricky Lake show