Ages and ages and ages, and the sweet girl with the demonic eyes hadn't written. I'll tell you her story, it's pretty sad, but lucky me, I'm far away from her now, no problem.
Like a knife, they're cutting her, piece by piece, trying to make something out of her, but there's nothing to make anything of. Heh, she showed them her strength, oh yeah. Eitherway life treated her real bad. The secrets had revealed themselves, the curtains were trampled, yes, all the thrill in unknown mystery showed its ugly head and killed everything: Love, faith, confidence. But right now she doesn't expect anything from life, it's absurd, so amusingly absurd! Everything is empty, so we try to fill it with meaning: with names (to pretend that we're different, special, important), words, wars.. you name it, and you are also a poor human being, but it's ok... we're all trapped in this misery, some are trying to play the game of repression so they believe they are happy.. ha! If they only knew...

Enough with this third person thing...
I'm listening to "Vivre", it's a song by Helene Segara- who is a French singer, it's really beautiful. Another thing in life that is only an illusion.. even these beautiful melodies are single notes which were brought together, we always try to avoid their being as a single note, because who wants to listen to one note only? Even the notes try to escape their emptiness and join together, make some noise to try and hide the threatening silence, but it's always there- silence, no matter how you try to ignore it, it's always there, waiting for you to shut up.
The difference though, between us and the note, is that they have a role in life, but we're only a passing train, we have a beginning and an end.. and that sums it all.

Oh, we belong to the world.. how frustrating... so hell- why am I writing? I don't know, I guess everything's so unstable now, and for some reason I'm proud of my illumination, I know I'm right about it, although I'm trying to be friendlier (mentally for now, can't make it practicall at the moment..sheesh..), to work on myself as a person; to restrain my pessimism, or maybe to learn how to cope with this life's uncertainty. You can be killed any moment now, something can fall on you, climb on you, step on you, spit at you, shoot you, break you, ERASE you. Funny how Trent is the one who knows how to say it all, I want to be out of influence, to create something on my own.. it will take time until I know it's really ine and not a stolen idea of someone else, even though it's not in conscious. Everyone's coming down on Alanis' second CD, but it's really good, mean people, really.
I dyed my hair orange today, I just wanted a change. It sounds pathetic cause a hair color isn't really a change but whatever.. the thing is that I don't really care, I just wanted to do it. Not making a big deal out of it like it should be treated, but then when I say that I'm not making a big deal out of it, I do.....
And isn't it ironic.. don't you think?
It's funny, life is funny,
and sad, and all of this shit.. damn.

Trent Reznor, he's the one for me. That's what I found out. No, no.. chill out- not "the one" as in the ultimative lover, no no- only the musician who connects to my soul better than anyone else. That is because I'm relating my dark side lately a lot, maybe too much.. well- blame "Fight Club" for it.. I'm clean handed! (can you say that??!!)
So there's school and there's hostality and there's my parents who found out about everything and there's Odelya who is there and not here most of the time and there's only usual things.
No, I can't say that I met an alien or became a nun.. nothing like that, I guess I'm pretty boring, but it's the best I can do right now.
And how are you?
I like it here, sure thing..

I just have to recommend so you can read what I wrote down here or go away to your life missions....eitherway it's fine by me... write if you can, it'll make me happy.. it's kind of nicer when you're not alone..

Just look it up
*CD'S*:"Easter"- Patti Smith
"The white album"- The Beatles
"Lost highway Soundtrack", "Natural born killers Soundtrack"
"Burn"- NIN

*BOOKS*: "The bald primadona"/ Ionescu
"The birthday party", "The room"/ Harold Pinter
"All of his life before him"/ Emile Ajar.

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