people are walking in the streets with black umbrellas, do they want to hide their faces? I remember that when I was a little girl I had a transparent umbrella with fish pictures on it, it was so sweet, I felt safe under the umbrella- I could see everyone and everyone could see me, maybe that was the reason, between the fish everything looked friendlier. The street looks so gray besides the little rainbows that were made out of the car oil, I don't like these rainbows. Everytime I see one I say " oh, pretty!" and then I say " oh right..it's dirty, it's oil, it's not a real rainbow.". crazy thought but a true one.
Eitherway, today we studied and studied ( I have to mention how much I enjoy our chemistry lesson..I have the funniest teacher ever, she's one of the few that can make me laugh that bad) and then in the middle of our teacher's age crisis ( she almost ran out crying of our class...we were bad) we were told that because of the heavy rain all of the school's population have to go home, since the buses are about to stop functioning and the snow is about to start. I was all happy..I don't know, I was in a really energetic mood ( everyone calls me " hyper" because I'm a very energetic person, almost all the time. well..except for the times that I'm really down..nothing in the middle for me, no mam) so I went to the library and took one book of my favorite author Shai Agnon and I've waited with 2 girlfriends for my dad who was supposed to come and take us away from the horror of water floods. No buses came and the bus station was so full, everyone was waiting for their parents and they came, one by one, until it started to worry me.. I understood that my dad isn't going so show up. So I went to call my sister and her boyfriend but none of them answered ( they have this stupid stupid policy of not answering to phone numbers they don't recognize..have you heard such BS???) so there we were standing.. until we got some sense in our minds and we decided to take a taxi to our home. it was really a fortune that we had money on us.. coz there was no way out, no way out. like these nightmares when you are locked in school..only a little bit worse. I was standing in the rain for an hour, entirely soaked, entirely out of connection with my different organs, I couldn't move my mouth, I didn't feel my legs, I felt like an ice statue , my fingers turned purple and I felt so heavy suddenly with these 100 kg's of water on me.. I heard that Egypt needs some water.. I can gladly donate them some. such a waste of water..don't you think?

When I got home I yelled at everyone and I cried like hell, I was so sad, so sad that no one in this damn world cares about me, they don't care if I get sick, if I slip and fall in a giant black hole, they won't even answer the damn phone, they wouldn't know if something happened to me..everyone's so selfish. I hate it. can't people be more sensitive? less..less..arrogant? no, they can't. even my family can't. That is how it is.. oh Holden..now you know why I know you so much? do you really? it never rained in your book, but Jesus is still a good guy..

There's this guy who loved me so madly once and he called me yesterday and today also..I told him that I can't speak today after he told me yesterday " I have to tell you how special you are, you have this unique charm about you, you're so different, you're .." and I told him " you didn't love me then, you didn't" and he said " I did, and I kept feeling that way a long long long time afterwards but then I let it stand behind the curtains although it can never disappear you know..not if you feel something truly" so we finished out talk yesterday somehow and today..I couldn't speak with him. I don't want to hear anything from anyone that isn't my Odelya, she's the only thing that is important, oh she is. We had a fight today but it's ok now.. not a fight really but..oh nevermind, anyway we're doing this " Tori wild tea party " thing at Yael's place and I hope that everyone will come..the plan is for these people: me & Odi ( duh!), Yael ( double duh!), Ayelet, Lotan, Naama and..I don't know who else..we'll see. I have to find a proper time to come though..I have a math exam on Monday ( the 31th) but I'm not stressed about it because we got our math assignments back and I got 105 ( out of 105!!)- aren't you proud? and I did everything on my own! I think I was the only one.. they all cheat, I can't bear this whole cheating thing.. I just can't. All of these tests..they will never leave me alone, not until July..oh no..so many work, so much suffering..help..someone?

eitherway I won't write much about anything right now.. I don't feel like it, I think I will refine myself a little by some atoms' slaughter and pictures gazing.. I didn't look at my Salvador Dali picture for a long time now, and I think that..

and as for the umbrella, I lost it one day when the wind took it away. I couldn't run fast enough to catch it. The fish, so I guess, learned how to swim in the real sea of winter. which remind me, when I stood in the rain today I heard Madonna's rain and I thought it would be like to perpetuate this sky's anger by a soft song.. that reminds me of the good times. you know, you don't have to have " good times" but you can always miss them, always.