Purim. ooh I'm so excited..I can't hold myself together...
All I think about this day is that 2 months ago I thought it will never come. Time left me no day to really be anxious about this day, and this day is just a day between the one boredom to the other, the children are happy but only for a couple of hours. then everyone's going back home, slipping back to their regular pyjamas and that's it. that was the holiday for them.

At school it was so depressing. I think it's because I have no smart friends, there's no one in these stupid 10th graders that doesn't care about the social norms. Everyone believes in the same things and does what "should be done", well I have one thing to say "fuck it.". A term I use..like "thank god", I don't believe in god and I don't really know who needs to fuck who and I hardly use this word since I hate it, in my world no ne fucks damn it, it is disgusting. but I have to say something, so I do.
I wanted to wear my cowboy hat today but since we were all still studying today I knew they would tell me that I am concealing the board..oooh...how can they live like this.
I was afraid that the teacher who made me a guide will talk with me about my letter but he didn't, and I was afraid of my history test result, but the teacher forgot the tests at home.
The grammar teacher insisted to teach but afterwards we had this "wheel of fortune" game that our teacher did, he thought that we won't know..well...I don't concider myself in the "we" constitution so *they* really didn't know...
I told him everything before he even wrote it, and so it was- a war between me and him, and I always knew..mostly because his "definitions" were :rare and unknown (to the poor nation..) authors, movies, T.V shows, singers, bands..etc. etc.
The class was waiting for me to raise my wand and voice the answers, I felt bored after a while since I knew it all. Nothing is a challenge. And the funny thing is that I enjoyed this silly game, finally something I knew and not some soccer players.
The stupid teacher wrote "singer ladies" and the answer was "The-late-Ofra-Haza", he was so pleased and I told him that it's really a shame, that he shouldn't have done it, that it's so horrible what he wrote. And he was talking to me as if I'm so stupid and told me that I'm over reacting, that if someone's dead it doesn't mean that he's not a singer anymore,

I think, yes, the dead are counted. but the woman died less than a month ago. It was a cynical thing what he did, so horrible, I can't understand people. They have no feelings, their only will is to be successful or smart. There's no "being a proper human being" in this equation. dirty people, I'm ashamed to be called a person.

I asked some girls from my class (I have only 4 "good" friends in my own class: Reut, Marina, Iris and Lital..I don't like Lital though..she's too simple, she has no character, but..nevermind) to come with me to the little one's classes (from 7th graders to 9th) but of course they didn't want to..they just sat with their fat asses on the table and said "why would we go? you have problems Natalie"
But old dear Natalie (me..) wanted to feel the damn holiday, ahhhhhhh.......... I hate school.
Everything was the same today. the tramps stayed tramps, it was shocking to see these girls like sluts. I don't think that is the point of this holiday, but I don't care..for them is to party and get their clothes off but to me it became pointless..
I'm still a witch tonight. I hate the idea but I'm going to the school's party..yey

few more things that annoyed your servant today (me): * 2 stupid girls who claim to be so freaky..didn't bring the requested exchange of Putim gifts just because they're too good for them. I hate them so much..goooooooooodddddddd...........I hate them.
* One of these girls is such a teacher-sycophant ahhhh!!!! damn her. She always wants to sound so smart until I want to puke because she's so stupid. I know her ever since she's a girl..she's such a stupid slut (as you see I really like this person) and she told my history teacher that one city he mentioned is called in another name in Russian. And she was such a flatterer..bwah! And today he told us that he's letting us be in the class , that he won't teach and she came to him and told him that the city isn't the one he mentioned so he asked "where are you from?" (she immigrated from Russia) and she was babbling on and on and showed off and I got sick so I got up and ran and when the stupid lady finished talking the teacher went from the class and I told her "I see that you scared him away" and she looked at me with this awful patronizing look and I continued saying:"you disgust me, you're such a leech" and she said "do I hear an envious tone in your voice?" and I said "dream on honey, you really repulse me..he's your teacher, relax."

I hate her. I hate her. I really really hate her.
I wish I could explain a look in words..but there are only few talented ones who can do just that. Marina and Iris told her that they heard people talking about her on the bus and that they think that she's a slut and she looked in a snobbish look...I swear it, one day I will tak a bowling ball and roll it on every head I wish to burn...
I should be locked, really.
Damn this, I have to leave my Odelya for the damn party, with all these people I don't like. One of the people I disrespect most because she's so stupid is "the freak of school", she came in to class today after he dyed her hair purple and the stupid girls hugged her and such and I gave her no smile. it's so ..ahh.. superficial is not a word for it.
How can they hug and kiss and love so much? not real. Everyone wants someone to look at him, it became pathetic. And if you don't smile to these people they say that you're jelous..aha..right. well, they can think whatever they want. that I'm jelous..or not.

but I don't think they ponder about me..I don't...
for them I'm just another pretty face
sorry, another face.
sorry, another brain.

but I always disagree..
happy holiday everyone, it's gonna be wild... *so cynical it hurts.*

They told me I have beautiful eyes today. I said "thank you". this time I didn't run away...oh well..another achievement.
I disgust myself..all this hate, I want to let it bleed OUT.