I can't even write, I feel so dead now without my Odelya, I feel like I have lost one of my organs..again. I love her, I sooo love her, I need to give her more than a quick kiss when no one's there, I need to give her more than a sad look or a loving sentence, I love her oh how much I do. No one can understand our love, it is so strong, it is so profound, it is so luscious- it is l o v e. Yael says it's getting sick, no..she says that it IS sick but well..maybe she's right, I am obsessed with my Odelya..so what? is it bad? how do you think love should be? I don't know about others but I'm pale without my Odelya, I look like a ghost that has just heard that she's dying. But I'm not dying, I am dead, right now, and when I'm with my Odi I'm in her, I breathe her love, I am alive! I screamed in the street that I love her, and I want her, I want her so much. How can we be together? she comes to me and we can't walk all day in the cold..we can't be alone nowhere..my house- negative, her house- too far, I can't come to her..my parents won't let me go so far..plus I've ran out of excuses. Yael said that she doesn't want me to come to her if I come to Odi and I understand it only that now I have no way to come to Odelya..no way. no way. no damn way. FUCK ALL WAYS- I have my own legs, why can't I create a new road?
When I look in her eyes I feel like there is nothing else, I'm paralyzed, I'm out of feelings..I mean- I won't feel if someone puts me on fire because my mind is only on her, my beautiful wife. She is my wife, yes. if you want, we can do another wedding..you're all invited.
I am always afraid that people will see us together, every stupid member of my school is hanging out in the city but today I held her hand in the streets and I didn't care, damn them, why should I care about them when my wife is holding my hand? and now my hands are typing..without any feeling, my eyes want to wet my white cheeks and I'm sure that if anyone would have looked at 'em he could see that they're in another place, that they're so sad.. you would pity me, I look like someone who lost everything that was important to him. I know I didn't lose her, but I can't hold her..oh I will cry, I can't hold my Odi. Why is the world so cruel? I'm one of the few that refuse to accept it! I don't think that it's meant to be like this, I don't even think that I deserve it, I have found love now please, let me leave in peace and love and kiss and unite with my wife..why can't the world let me do so? I'm not important enough for torturing me like this..then why? I can't write..but I know that if I'll get out of this dark computer I will sink in my pillow and cry. today I have no flowers, or trees, or cradles or smiles- I have my Odi's smile, she's the most beautiful heavenly creature in this world. She's mine, she's my wife.

" may you live happily ever after "

we will..only that after "ever" takes a while to reach..do we have time? do I have enough strength?

I love you Odelya

Natalie