the excuses today..
once everyone did a history test
even the sick ones ( well if they didn't die that was a fortune but..eitherway..)

I'm not like the rest of the journal writers since I'm not writing an ordinary journal.. a woman's mind is different than mine- I have a discreet insanity inside and it's raging..you can even dance with it sometimes, only if you're not afraid.
And they are afraid,, at least most of 'em. They're afraid of me and my delirious nature, they're so afraid of my hysteria and disturbed mental state until they hide and hide and they keep hiding but I'm not even trying to find them..I'm afraid too, we monsters have our fears. We are not only eating or sleeping or rasing hair, we have some unknows purposes in this world. long live the beast.
so I'm sick for a month now and this past..oh this past, it's really something, I can look at the window and see my late grandmother cooking us a romanian dinner, calling us to see the rain's drops on the window, and the smell, Ooooh the scent of the fresh tomatoes in the field!! how I miss that!
but I only recalled now..for some reason

it is gone.
she's dead now, for 5 painful years.
I dreamt a dream tonight and it was so horrible. Dreams can stain me for the whole day and I won't be able to get out of it. Especially when I'm sick. Especially when no one believes me. The walls here are white too, yet I don't call it a madhouse. should I really? I don't know..I don't know.. oh this scent of Romania..I guess it's because in each time I was in Romania, I got sick. But only today is absolutely the same..I really can see the old carpets and the ancient furnitures with furry pillows and I can still breathe the same wet air that is soo good for you, oh I would give everything if I only could feel it a g a i n !!!
oh my!
but when I was there I didn't even enjoy it..no..silly me, then I thought that orange pyjamas are for children ( I was a child) but now I would even wear one.. only if it could bring me back in these time chains and let me unite with all of the love ones that I have lost but now..it's time to let go. If there is something new it should be embraced and as for me- I have now something that is stronger than any other..
humans give you energies and strength, and you miss their strength when you have no idea where are you and who can you lean on

I have found a person with more strength than the whole galaxy
and this person wants to orbit with me
and I, with that person
and that person is
you Odi
you only

I love you do you know what does it mean?
forever