I'm sorry, I just didn't put much attention to the day, days of love, days of complete freedom from all chains- family and school as well. Tomorrow I shall be horrified again by these monsters of authorities which stuff my brain with unwanted microbs, they're flowing and flowing and.. yes- flowing.
such a pleasure in my sitting here , no need to haste, the time has no other heads to visit, only mine, for these humble minutes, mine and no one else's. And I miss and I crave and I look upon and under and I breathe the world into my modest lungs, and when I exhale these treasures I can see these airy bubbles moving outside and inside, just like a children play, they're playing with me, they want to show me that they exist, I need to be sure.

This spirit of joy was ruined once again by the wicked witch, who else but my own mother, INDEED.
Yesterday and the day before I was at my Odelya's arms, how I love her. oooh I do I do I do. Forever.
Oh our love can put us in most misery and fortune, and each one is the strongest, hence when we suffer- it's with every nerve and vein and when we're merry, there's nothing else in the world that has so much love in it, because we take it all to our hearts and souls, we are one.
How it is hard to talk in the terms of 'I' and 'me' because there's only "we" in my mind..but she doesn't have to be a part of my mental problems, oh no, she's much better than I am.
We met Yael.
I understand Yael for wanting me for herself without my Odelya. But I can't leave my wife if I'm there and on that day we couldn't really, we reserved movie tickets and were in a hurry. Of course we missed the movie..but that's another story. So she can never be happy with me, she can never smile to me and enjoy for my presence. I believe that it doesn't matter if the person is alone or not, he's there.. but she didn't care I'm there, She didn't look at me or talked to me, don't know if because of boredom or anger or maybe she just didn't have anything to say. She always has this bitter face which never changes, because she doesn't kow how to be happy, it doesn't have to be a 100% happiness, but for pure happiness you need to know how to act happily even if it could be better. I guess for her it's not better than nothing, the 2 of us can't be the 3 of us, better no one than everyone , that's what she thinks.
Yael, I know you're reading this so here's what I have to say: You can come here and get my full attention. I don't have money to come and go all the time, I barely come..you just can't see it, I'm not rich damn it ok? I can't buy myself cd's every sunday and tuesday even if I wanted to, and I can't come all the time, I'm broke. You can though, so come. It's not a hard thing, you just get on the bus and go. You will prove something to yourself if you go, ask your father to take you here and then if you come back by bus it will seem less frightening.
But the point is that , and I wrote it to you, you don't treat us when we're there. And you don't think about our difficulties in the actual walking, how can one appreciate a view while his whole body's aching?- you try to walk with high hilled-boots for a whole 2 hours!!!
plus- the weather was depressing and you just went away...went away...went away...
next time you come, when I do it never works.

Me and my Odelya walked in the streets, hand in hand, I looked like a rock star..heh heh, Odelya told me that I look so cool, it made me so happy, and we felt like a couple with no limits, our love wasn't ashamed, and everyone who looked at us saw only beauty. We went to a little coffee shop, every moment was perfect..it feels like everything we do together is ideal, even if it's to solve a crossword or to eat avocado salad.
My legs killed me...argh! it was so horrible, but I kept on moving somehow..then we waited so long for a bus, for me it seemed years of waiting, and I fell asleep on my wife's shoulder in the bus, she held my head, being careful that I won't fall, and we went to her room...

I think I will write later, but if not and if so, here's a scene out of "Much ado about nothing"...a scene that I loved so...oh, sun to my happy eyes..

BENEDICK: [Coming forward] This can be no trick: the
conference was sadly borne. They have the truth of
this from Hero. They seem to pity the lady: it
seems her affections have their full bent. Love me!
why, it must be requited. I hear how I am censured:
they say I will bear myself proudly, if I perceive
the love come from her; they say too that she will
rather die than give any sign of affection. I did
never think to marry: I must not seem proud: happy
are they that hear their detractions and can put
them to mending. They say the lady is fair; 'tis a
truth, I can bear them witness; and virtuous; 'tis
so, I cannot reprove it; and wise, but for loving
me; by my troth, it is no addition to her wit, nor
no great argument of her folly, for I will be
horribly in love with her. I may chance have some
odd quirks and remnants of wit broken on me,
because I have railed so long against marriage: but
doth not the appetite alter? a man loves the meat
in his youth that he cannot endure in his age.
Shall quips and sentences and these paper bullets of
the brain awe a man from the career of his humour?
No, the world must be peopled. When I said I would
die a bachelor, I did not think I should live till I
were married. Here comes Beatrice. By this day!
she's a fair lady: I do spy some marks of love in
her.
[Enter BEATRICE]
BEATRICE: Against my will I am sent to bid you come in to dinner.
BENEDICK: Fair Beatrice, I thank you for your pains.
BEATRICE: I took no more pains for those thanks than you take
pains to thank me: if it had been painful, I would
not have come.
BENEDICK: You take pleasure then in the message?
BEATRICE: Yea, just so much as you may take upon a knife's
point and choke a daw withal. You have no stomach,
signior: fare you well.
[Exit]
BENEDICK: Ha! 'Against my will I am sent to bid you come in
to dinner;' there's a double meaning in that 'I took
no more pains for those thanks than you took pains
to thank me.' that's as much as to say, Any pains
that I take for you is as easy as thanks. If I do
not take pity of her, I am a villain; if I do not
love her, I am a Jew. I will go get her picture.