until today I was one of them, I said it's so boring, I didn't want to go.
but now I don't know what has changed, maybe it's my wife who made me look at things in another perspective, how can I hate something that she loves? suddenly I find it so charming, it made me feel so good!!! although most of the time I thought about how I want to hold my Odi's hand and hear her smile..there are some things I can hear, I am not sure if any others can.
in this case, I hope not.

I still hate my mom. She told me today that she doesn't want to pay the phone bill, and it's only because she doesn't want me to talk to my wife. I almost cried,

I HATE YOU

I wish I could tell her that..I try to be nice since I hope she won't do it. I'm sick of trying and giving her another chance and another, it can't work. she never accepts anyone who is different.
And I'm the one to suffer, always.

I went to the cinemateque, we saw "the gold rush" after some short scenes from differenbt movies of the mighty Charles Chaplin, how I loved his every motion, he's the most talented man, such a blessing, I think he was so wise to direct and act in a way he knew would attract the audience. And his music is divine also, did you know he wrote it himself? funny silly guy, so cute, he made me feel things in the purest parts of me, even send a tear for him when his Georgia didn't come on the new year's eve.
They were all bored and I was so moved. what can I say.. my heart is more open to him, I saw him in a new light today, Chplin is very sophisticated, they never tell us about anything but he is extremely wise, no one ever wonders why did the US take his American citizenship, and if you see "modern times" his criticism is so strong, with the red flag and the demonstrators and everything by mistake. or maybe not. I loved every thing they showed us.. I couldn't believe it, I guess Odi changed her wife into someone who's willing to breathe more air. not only the junky black humor, but also the pure one, the idealistic.
I enjoyed myself, I felt a part of a quality stream, I felt happy..and I don't know why really.

The cinemateque has its Homosexual-lesbian movies week and I wish I could go and see something. I took the cinemateque's booklet and saw that on saturday night, a day before our big carnaval celebration, there's an open night with people who will talk about religion against or for homosexual or lesbian tendencies. so I told my friend "whoo! let's wear out costumes and go, they'll probably think we are drug queens" and she thought that it is as interesting as I thought so she said ok! I wish we will go, I really want to see..do we have gay people in this holy city? I really don't care about anything, I feel a part of the world's spirit, there for-


I am not ashamed of what I am, I am proud, I am me!

I feel good, I want to go there..I wish it will be right, I need this. I really do.
Oh how I wish my wife come, I will ask but she probably can't..that's so sad. why does everything come between me and my love? my mom should stuff her opinions in her own mind, she has to stop bothering me, I don't know what I can do, if my phone will be disconnected I won't be attached to the world. and it's all because she is

EVIL

.

I am going now, I have to read my damn book, Charles Dickens and his boring stories..

am I a sinner?

I'm only a hewer of sadness.
my only sin is everything that makes me happy...

and it's not even ironic..