it can really depress a girl knowing she can't be as creative as the rest of the glittering ones. Though I think I am, I am an artist after all, doesn't matter what I do but you have to own your skills and you have to know how to puncture them and make them yours. I have no skills yet but you know what? I don't care, it may suck but it is mine. only. So I'm writing this for me, why would I care about all the rest? I wish I could have time for more studying in the subject but I don't, and it's better that way, I reserve my balance.

School was ok I guess, I wasn't sad and I actually enjoyed today's gym class. It was a blast ..hee hee, me enjoying gym class, that's funny. I'm good though at all of this athletic shit, I can stand on my hands and spin and blah but I hate running and I hate the abusive exercises..errgh! lucky me the teacher is going to stop torturing us since she's having a little monster next month! oh the joy! I don't really care about gym right now though, history and math, that's the only thing I make an effort in, the rest are so easy, or at least they only take 2 minutes for me for understanding. These damn people in my class are always mocking me when I get my 100's because they don't believe it when I say that I think I'm gonna fail..but I do, I so do. I am not one of the smart girls (boys aren't even practicing in this equation) and I'm not sure there anyone's so smart. maybe my cousin..oh well, but she's a natural buddhist, so it's understandable. Tomorrow I have to suffer in sociology class which is E.X.T.R.E.M.E.L.Y boring, I have decided to open up my own strike and not to show up to class. I can't sit in something that horrible, it's a certain mental death for me, I just can't listen to these things about stupid social researches- it's such a horrible thing. Nietzsche said that you can't judge one case by others when it comes to morality and I totally agree, there for, if they put 100 people in a room and 70 of them did one thing, then what? I am not even with the 30 other people, I'm always the single one that doesn't even get in statistics. I'm not good for anything. oh damn it. damn it all.
and I have a math assignment, it's really difficult and I don't care, fuck it already, can't I study in a normal pace? can't I? now I'm all frowny and enraged and I'm so full with fury and wrath..all I wanna do is just SCREAM IT ALL OUT OUT OUT OUT OUT OUT..but it never goes out. It dug itself a nice little hole and it won't go out. why in me though? didn't it find a darker place? argh, I guess not. I stopped walking like a cult's leader in school, all of this black make up disrupted my sight and besides, if I only had a lash..hehe..I really looked like one of the bad girls. sometimes I am a bad girl I guess, I don't even tell people the actual hour when they ask me nicely in the streets. I'm such a shame to the human race. Erase me, there is no other way. People like me should be chained real hard behind a transparent window so that they'll see how everyone's happy and rising..oh well, I have a window here also, and I see the same thing only that I don't really think that they're so happy. maybe they convinced themselves. But they never convince me.

no.

I should go now, too depressed, too bored, too ...full of nothing

my stomach aches

Natalie

p.shhh- Yael, can you scan me my witchy pic? I miss my witchy days..will ya? end.