I have just came back from school, it's so cold outside, I can still feel the ice rays cutting my skin sharply, and I'm here, at home, surrounded by my history books and scrambled pages, drinking a sour expression out of a sad face.
the time: 1:30 PM, there's "fame" on T.V..I have to say that I don't like it anymore, they don't dance there anymore and they don't play the violin..and oh how much I love the violin! Still I have no time to rush forward with the sounds of magic, for I am wrapped with scratched ropes which lock me, I can't go out.
I have a math exam tomorrow and it's so hard. they always do things on purpose when no one has time. They think we're robots, they think we must obey them.
I have to do so many things. .
And they wonder why don't we have motivation.
Youth is over appreciated, the colors seem darker and the rays seem brighter, yet there are no rays, and maybe when a forgiven sound kisses our ears we find our meaning. but most of the times there's nothing there, we're young, we're weak, we're just...shame.
this pleasant music keeps me going, how I thank Hodya for sending me the tape, it fills me with so much..with fading things I didn't think were left in me.
I'm soaring ,
I'm falling ,
in the same time I do both
and I don't know which is worst, soaring and feeling uncomfortable and unstable
or ~
falling to the same old gutter and breathing the same ugliness I know for so long.

My only salvation is always my Odelya but she's not there all the time, I need her, I can't wait for the time we'll be together. oh! this unknows future is so obvious to me! why can't I get older faster, without the burden of actually growing up...
I want to stay me, only be free.. is it the moon that I'm asking? can't I pave my way ? I can hear the bells.

clear.
crystal stars
paper tiger
not afraid anymore.

I gurgle the water and drink out of the lake. it's so purple and nice, and when the night comes the whole nature wears its black pyjamas with the glittering spots of light and covers itself up with silver poetry and navy sky. the animals are sleeping and I'm in coma too, crammed with pain. I will wake up when the blackness's gone, and until then..I guess I have no choice but sleeping with one eye open. just to know what they're doing to my body, at least.

I am far away now, don't know where is my world or how can I grab it.
This world is not for me, not with the *~*~* people and the x2*~*~ school of mine. I remember that I had a free hour 2 months ago and I went to the grass, it was hot then, and I layed there and felt the best. the sun, oh the sun. something's bloci\king her today, she needs help, I need to help her..I need her help too..I need help...
and I'm looking up
no one
and I'm looking down
no one
and I'm looking left
no one
and I'm looking right
no one
and I'm looking straight
smooth land
and I'm looking back
trails disappearing
and I'm looking inside

here, that's all I find.
myself.

I will be back when hell is over. don't forget to record my favorite t.v. show.
I never watch t.v anymore, I'm sick of other people's life.
sick of..it all.