June 27, 2000
It seems as though lately love is coming and going more frequently. Not so much with me, for my heart remains in one place (regardless of what *he* says), but with the others in which I'm surrounded by. I'm not sure what it is due to, maybe the season? They always said Spring was the season for love, or something like that.. or maybe it's just due to me being more aware of something that I'm only beginning to grasp.
In California, when one of my closest friends would get into a relationship, that was it, they were destined for the alter. With some it still seems that way, while with others their burst of affection was something to be deemed quick change. There's Rebecca, who I affectionatly call Becca, and her "partner" Terry. They've been together for over a year I believe, despite the normal breakup or two. However, after they're most recent break-up about 6 months or so ago, I thought it was definetly over. While Becca cried daily over her missing love, Terry was out dating. It always seems that way, the guy is hitting the block while the girl is crying, but ahh, I'll save that for another time. Now however, they are back to dating and working it all out. I know that even my knowing Becca wouldn't make me notice their attempt at love unless I was experiencing and able to relate.
On the other hand, there's Nicole and Peter who broke up shortly after I left. So sad I must say, everybody was left mumbling the same thing, "So sad, so sad, they were suppose to last.. to last forever." It's like my grandmother once told me however, Forever is as long as you want it to be, and I say, Forever is as long as it lasts. After I found out they split up I was left feeling sad and some what remourseful, like someone had died. The thing that strikes me though, is not who I felt sad for, but what I felt sad for. I've known Nicole for a good 5 years now, and eventhough I felt sorry for her loss, I felt ever sorrier for the loss of love, not what the people involved lost, but for the fact that love disapeared.
Nowadays it seems I focus more on the feelings between the people then what they people are feeling themselves. When Becca told me how things were going with Terry, I felt so excited, not so much for her, although I'm so glad for her to be getting back with him, that's all she's ever wanted and that's so wonderful, but I felt more excited for them to finally be in a postion to experience what I'm experiencing. It's not so much that I'm experiecing love, I'll save that for when I get back, but experiecing something lovely.
I guess it's like that for everyone though, they can only focus on what they have or are in the process of experiencing. I realize that now. We always expect people to understand what we are feeling and to feel the same way we do. When your favourite team loses a game and you get so upset and down about it, you expect everyone to feel the same way. It's human nature I suppose. Today however, today I'm going to focus on how someone feels and try to feel the same way.. maybe it will make them smile a little bit. You should try it sometime. It might even make you smile.