Death Arrives
December 6, 2000

Death is something that's so hard to explain. It's not usually fair and it spares no one. Sometimes it comes in with a vengence and takes young children or sometimes it's kind and takes those who are in pain. Needless to say, it will come take all of us eventually.

Seeing someone die before your eyes is perhaps the hardest of anything. You see them in so much pain and there is really nothing you can do to help them. It seems so selfish to want them to die, but in actuality it is more of a favour then anything. That's kind of the postion I'm in now. I sit and watch my grandmother resort back to her child - like innocence, not being able to help herself do practicaly anything. It goes so fast though. Everyday death moves a little closer and little closer to her and I wish at time it would hurry up and arrice to take all her pain away, but I want it to come as slowly as ever sometimes so as to prolong my time with her.

Death is never kind though. It always leaves someone hurting. I do hope that those who do hurt are just those who are left behind. Watching my grandma slowly passing away makes me only hope that when my own time comes it's quickly, in my sleep.. when I'm old and I've seen everything I was suppose to see and have done everything I was suppose to have done. I want to be able to sit down and recollect on everything that the past however many years I have lived held. I want to be able to be proud of my life.

However, I don't believe that we all start dying from the time we are born. I mean, sure, it's inevitable, so I guess if you look at it that way, we do start dying.. but, I like to think that as soon as we're born we start living. That's all. We just start living. Sure it's corny, but if I live my life to die, I'm sure it would suck a lot more then living my life to live.