My Stupid Recent Heart Ache
October 28, 1999
I dunno what it is with guys. They say just wanna a sweet girl and all.. and here I am. But I always get used and abused. What the fuck is wrong with this picture?
I was with this guy for about a week- yeah I know, how short huh? It wasn't my choice. I was really getting into him- a lot. Even if it was only like a week.
He's like.. "How would you feel if I asked if it would be okay to see other chicks, like an open relationship?".. how the fuck do you think I'd feel? I mean c'mon now. I was just like whatever. We started talking.. and stuph. And the next thing I know.. BAM.
"You're an awesome girlfriend, I couldn't ask for anything more.. I could marry a girl like you, if not you.. " But it's still over. How much fucking sense does that make? I mean- alright, all things considered, yeah it's great it happened now then later when I was really attatched.. but hello- "I couldn't ask for anything more.. " But yet, I'm going on a search for something more.. am I the only one who sees how much sense this makes?
I know that this whole thing wasn't my fault- I'm not trying to get pity or anything- but it's my page- I'll complain about what I want. And guys are just stupid sometimes. He said our relationship was based on sex and he wants the "I love you feeling." Hello- it's only been a fucking week.. and need I remind you- WE NEVER HAD SEX. How can something be sex based with no fucking sex? Okay- we fooled around- but no sex. Uhm.. okay?
Maybe it's just me being stupid or something- I'm not sure. I just don't see the connection in the whole break up thing. He's like.. "I have the urge to flirt and I don't want to cheat on you." Basically- in guy talk- you're not good enough to stay faithful too and before I cheat, I'm dumping you- just so I can keep my name clean. Which is bullshit to me.
I just don't see how after only a week I can hurt this much over a guy I originally started out as hating. I mean.. what the fuck? Slowly it's getting easier, we're still friends I guess you can say- but it doens't make it any easier. He's a great guy.. really.. exceedingly conceited.. but still great all the same- atleast to me. Or was. I know he'll want me back someday- and knowing me.. I'll prolly take him back. So I guess this isn't so much of a rant as it is just an update on my hurt.
Boys are Icky!!