"I'm not a vegetarian because I don't like meat. I'm not a vegetarian because I don't like plants."

“Everybody is entitled to an individual opinion, it just happens that yours is wrong” Dave Barry

“I am a happy nerd in cyberspace, where nobody can see my haircut.” Dave Barry

“If advertising encourages people to live beyond their means, so does matrimony” Dave Barry

“You may say I’m a dreamer But I’m not the only one I hope some day you’ll join us And the world will live as one.” John Lennen

“Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter” Jack Benny

“I have an inferiority complex, it’s just not a very good one.”

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you. C.G. Jung (1875 - 1961)

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

Every revolution evaporates and leaves behind only the slime of a new bureaucracy. Franz Kafka

If a cluttered desk signs a cluttered mind, Of what, then, is an empty desk a sign? Albert Einstein.

When I give food to the poor, they call me a saint. When I ask why the poor have no food, they call me a communist. Dom Helder Camara

I love deadlines. I love the whooshing sound they make as they fly by. Douglas Adams

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. Mark Twain

Talking much about oneself can also be a means to conceal oneself. Friedrich Nietzsche

They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist----- General John Sedgewick, Union Army Last Words, 1864

Maybe this world is another planet's hell. Aldous Huxley

Just because something doesn't do what you planned it to do doesn't mean it's useless. Thomas A. Edison (1847 - 1931)

The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people. G.K. Chesterton (1874 - 1936)

What people say you cannot do, you try and find that you can. Henry David Thoreau

The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. Voltaire

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate. Thomas Jones

When you take charge of your life, there is no longer need to ask permission of other people or society at large. When you ask permission, you give someone veto power over your life. Geoffrey F. Abert

None are too wise to be mistaken, but few are so wisely just as to acknowledge and correct their mistakes, and especially the mistakes of prejudice. Barrow

It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not. Andre Gide

“If you get up one more time than you fall you will make it through.” Chinese Proverb

You always pass failure on the way to success. Mickey Rooney

The whole art of teaching is only the art of awakening the natural curiosity of young mind for the purpose of satisfying it afterwards. Anatole France

“A threat is basically a means for establishing a bargaining position by inducing fear in the subject. When a threat is used, it should always be implied that the subject himself is to blame by using words such as "You leave me no other choice but to..."” CIA Manual

The point to remember is what the government gives it must first take away. John S. Coleman

If you must speak ill of another, do not speak it, write it in the sand near the water’s edge. Napolean Hill

There are situations in which torture is not merely permissible but morally mandatory. Michael Levin

Be peaceful, be courteous, obey the law, respect everyone; but if someone puts his hand on you, send him to the cemetery. Malcolm X, Malcolm X Speaks, 1965

Usually when people are sad, they don't do anything. They just cry over their condition. But when they get angry, they bring about a change. Malcolm X, Malcolm X Speaks, 1965

Never ever quit playing in the middle of a hoedown Homer Simpson

Love thine enemies…it really pisses them off Anonymous

You can only be young once, but you can be immature forever.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

“Sure its OK to have ambition, but ambitious people are just lazy people who don’t know how to manipulate people enough to be successfully lazy.” Jake Hickman

We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it--and stop there; lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove lid. She will never sit on a hot stove lid again--and that is well; but also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore. Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

Victory belongs to the most persevering. Napoleon Bonaparte

The wise man avoids evil by anticipating it. Publilius Syrus

We forfeit three-fourths of ourselves in order to be like other people. Arthur Schopenhauer

Do what you can, with what you have, where you are. Theodore Roosevelt

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you. Rita Mae Brown

Follow the path of the unsafe, independent thinker. Expose your ideas to the dangers of controversy. Speak your mind and fear less the label of 'crackpot' than the stigma of conformity. And on issues that seem important to you, stand up and be counted at any cost. Thomas J. Watson

Whenever I'm caught between two evils, I take the one I've never tried. Mae West

Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go. T.S. Elliot

If only we'd stop trying to be happy we'd have a pretty good time. Edith Wharton

He who loses money loses much. He who loses a friend loses more. But he who loses faith loses all. Henry H. Haskins

Chess is a foolish expedient for making idle people believe they are doing something very clever when they are only wasting their time. George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)

My schoolmates would make love to anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself. Emo Philips

Punctuality is the virtue of the bored. Evelyn Waugh (1903 - 1966)

A man who is 'of sound mind' is one who keeps the inner madman under lock and key. Paul Valery

Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator, but among those whom I love, I can: all of them make me laugh. W. H. Auden

I often quote myself. It adds spice to my conversation. George Bernard Shaw

Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. Mahatma Gandhi

Power does not corrupt. Fear corrupts... perhaps the fear of a loss of power. John Steinbeck

What is fame? The advantage of being known by people of whom you yourself know nothing, and for whom you care as little Stanislaus

Do not be awe struck by other people and try to copy them. Nobody can be you as efficiently as you can. Norman Vincent Peale

Concern should drive us into action and not into depression. Karen Horney

I'm out of the loop, and that's the way I like it. Anonymous

We are not human beings on a spiritual journey. We are spiritual beings on a human journey. Stephen Covey

It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere. Agnes Repplier

For one human being to love another; that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks, the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation. Rainer Maria Rilke

Nature never deceives us; it is we who deceive ourselves. Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Give me my money back, you bitch Ben Folds

Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it. Gordon R. Dickson

The infliction of cruelty with a good conscience is a delight to moralists - that is why they invented hell. Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)

A good listener tries to understand what the other person is saying. In the end he may disagree sharply, but because he disagrees, he wants to know exactly what it is he is disagreeing with. Kenneth A. Wells

Education... has produced a vast population able to read but unable to distinguish what is worth reading. G. M. Trevelyan

Much learning does not teach understanding. Heraclitus (540 BC - 480 BC),

On the Universe Blame someone else and get on with your life. Alan Woods

Better be ill spoken of by one before all than by all before one. Scottish Proverb

Whis is it, is man one of God's blunders or is God one of man's? Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900)

Awards are merely the badges of mediocrity. Charles Ives

This I do know beyond any reasonable doubt. Regardless of what you are doing, if you pump long enough, hard enough and enthusiastically enough, sooner or later the effort will bring forth the reward. Zig Ziglar

A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval. Mark Twain

That man is the richest whose pleasures are the cheapest. Henry David Thoreau

If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away. Henry David Thoreau, Walden, Conclusion, 1854

Every sweet has its sour; every evil its good. Ralph Waldo Emerson

I hate quotations. Tell me what you know. Ralph Waldo Emerson

To pull together is to avoid being pulled apart. Bob Allisat

It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit. Harry S Truman

Whoever is out of patience is out of possession of his soul. Men must not turn into bees, and kill themselves in stinging others. Sir Francis Bacon

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock. Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)

Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes. Mahatma Gandhi

It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong. Voltaire (1694 - 1778)

What lies behind us and what lies ahead of us are tiny matters compared to what lives within us. Henry David Thoreau

Be entirely tolerant or not at all; follow the good path or the evil one. To stand at the crossroads requires more strength than you possess. Heinrich Heine

Everyone ought to worship God according to his own inclinations, and not to be constrained by force. Flavius Josephus (37 - 95), Life

Accomplishing the impossible means only the boss will add it to your regular duties. Doug Larson

I am prepared to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter. Sir Winston Churchill

Life is too important to take seriously. Corky Siegel

If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it. Pierre Gallois