Star of the Month

The star of the month goes to dangerous Chris Dudley and here is why:

Dudley discovers that his drains are blocked in the house, so on Saturday afternoon he decides to unblock them. He gets out his drain rods but soon finds he has added to his problems when they become stuck as well.

So being the typical moto-x star he is, he came up with a factory tip solution. However, time was running out, so he decided to get up early on Sunday morning before going racing, to rectify the problem.

Sunday morning arrives and Dudley is set to go, he wheels the bike out of the garage and before loading on the trailor, connects the end of the drain rods to his swinging arm, with the bike reving hard he makes the best start of his season and gets the whole shot past the gate post and onto the main road with the drain rods in tow. However, he completely destroys the drains in the process.

Realising he is late for the meeting he tears off at great speed and on the way gets stopped by police and booked for speeding. To make matters worse, during the first race he crashes and dislocates his shoulder.

After a short recovery period Dangerous Dudley returns to racing at Glandy Cross where he launched himself off a jump completely sideways with the throttle pinned wide open and landed in a heap. In doing so, he knocked himself out. I ran over to see if he was alright and he was laying there out cold.

So what I did, was replace his sparkling 2000 Yam with a really old twin shock cagiva. When he finally regained conciousness I managed to convince him that the old shed was really his bike and am now the owner of a beautiful Yam.

Ibiza Boys on Tour

Team fornication riders Bawnes, Bevies and Mark Thomas are currently on tour in Spain. Ladbrooks are giving odds at 2 to 1 on deportation. However, it was good to see their first aid training paying off at a recent event when they came to a marshalls rescue after she had something in her throat.

Sean Smith.

Sean Smith has now become a proper Welshman, let me explain how he did it !

He was in Talsarn working on the track when the owner rang him up and asked him to do him a favour, to which Sean agreed blindly.

It ended up that Sean had to give the farm manager a hand with the sheep shearing. When he finally got to the field where the sheep were located, he lost complete control of his emotional feelings and was responsible for fertilising 332 sheep. So next year if you see a field full of two toned, frizzy haired sheep with three days growth on their chin, a yamaha shirt and a limp you will know who the father is.

Derek Roberts tight tips of the month

1) To avoid buying a new bike each year don't use it at all during the winter and hope that when you open the garage door in February the bike has grown itself a new set of tyres and a piston.

2) Always carry an adjustable spanner to get fifty pence pieces out of your wallet.