Chicken noodle soup
Now Playing: I'm a ding dong
Wow, how sad I am. I’ve been thinking about dropping out of school. I’ve only lived in Spokane for a couple of months and I’ve been thinking about moving. I don’t really know where I would go though. I was thinking Seattle because I love Seattle. I was thinking California because Helen is there and I really want to get to know more about her. I was also thinking about moving back to Alaska. But I decided that I can’t give up on this place yet. I haven’t gotten to know it enough yet. I’m going to try and pass my classes, but right now that just doesn’t seem possible. My ADD and lack of motivation for things that I don’t really want to do is getting in the way. I’m just going to stay her a little while, put together a couple of books, work on my writing and try and figure out a game plan. One thing I have to do soon is find a job. Wow! I’m going to go broke and I will cry for days and days. I guess I’m just feeling a little weird. I really need to put together a list of goals and work on them. I’m so excited, I’m going to Olympia on February 14 for a comprehensive sex ed meeting. I’m going with Odyssey, I wonder who all is going.

One More Entry
Now Playing: Super Queen
I am so glad I don't have big self-esteem issues anymore or I might be crying. The world thinks I'm ugly and I don't really care, hahaha. Anywho, If you want to rate me click on the little thingy-majoggly-doo down there
Are You HOT or NOT?

Idea Left Me!
Now Playing: I don't know anymore than I want.
It's really late, 1:26 to be exact. I find myself thinking about the future,but I don't see it. I suppose we are not suppose to but in any case, I started thinking about my life.
I DO NOT know what I want to do anymore. There is so much I want, but I know there is not enough time. So I decided that I am going to just do whatever comes along and hope for the best results.
Who needs to have their life planned out anyways? Wouldnt that make it sort of dull? I want to live, I want to be "free". But since I also want some sort of safty net I think I am going to look into IRA's.
The one thing I want more than anything right now is love. It doesn't have to be a forever love, but I'd like it to feel like its going to be. I'd like someone to hold me and make me feel like they are never going to let me go. That I will die in their arms. Wow, I am a cheese ball when I'm tired.
I can't believe it. I didn't do any of my homework this weekend. I never do though. I hate homework and think I always will. If it didn't feel like it was required I think I could handle it though,but then again I don't know.
The only thing I do know right now is that I know nothing at all.

Notes In Class
Mood:  silly
Now Playing: eggplant in my pants
Annett came to town yesterday, I haven't really been doing anything except going to school and doing homework so I haven't felt like writing about it. I've been taking a lot of pictures and I'm going to start getting prints of them and see if anyone wants to buy them.
I have this note that me and Brandie wrote in math class and I want to throw it awy, but think its funny so I'm going to type it here
A=Me
B=Brandie

A-Someone smells like sweaty pits. It's burning my nose.
B-I smell soiled laundry or a wet-dog smell my nose hairs have split ends now, shit now I'll never win the contest.
A-Maybe its the math that smells bad. Does this sound like crazy jibberish to you? Why don't we just subtract instead of adding negative number? No wonder scientists are a little crazy. They just spent to much time in math class.
B-Lets split some hairs shall we. Lets count the molecules in space until our cells disintigrate. Ha-ha Mark Twain, Edgar Allen Poe was a ho. Lets brush our hair with our toothbrushes and use socks for mittens.Lets play piano so we can hear the trumpet. Lets buy a 1 cent candy for ninety-nice cents. Does this make sence?
A-Perfect cents! We should add the opposite turn it into a negative positive additional subtraction and add parenthesis that will cancel the whole thing out.
B-It's kinda like bowling, set up the pins then knock em' down over and over. One plus one is 3, I swear it stinks like hot ass in here. If my friend isn't sleeping, do you want a ride home? I have a car.We made plans for today,but he falls asleep a lot. I think he's a narcoleptic.
A-Sure that would be awsome except I want to go to the library for a while. That guy behind me is really annoying. I want to slap his lower lip with a rotten fish.

Head in a Basket
Mood:  hug me
Now Playing: California Dreaming
Topic: pickel in my pocket.
Last night I had Ryan,Myra and Anna over for dinner. I made Pesto fettichini stuff that tasted really awsome. I was suprised at how good it was because I thought I had messed up.It was fun. I mostly talked to Ryan which was weird because I haven't really talked to him before and he has a lot more going on in his head than you would think.
When Anna left I sent her off with muffins, apples, gummi bears and half a pound of cheese. Its a long story and I'm sure I'll get into it sometime. Anywho, one conversation that we got into was age difference between people in a relationship. I wanted to know what they would think if I fell inlove with a 16 year old which was hypathetical, but led into something else that has really been on my mind as of late.
I asked them what they would think if I were to ask Seth for a way to contact his sister. Under normal cercumstances I think it might be ok,but with what happened on New Years my idea was shot down. Although my intentions would be to contact her as a friend and get to know her.
Thats about all that really happened on Sunday. I am thinking that my modem might be at my house right now so I am going to go check and if it is I will write about Saturday even though that is a little backwords.

Baby its cold outside!
Mood:  incredulous
Topic: pickel in my pocket.
So lets see. School started on tuesday. Its been going great so far, well except for the fact that I missed kickboxing yesterday because I was being dumb and didn't get out of bed.
I was a little worried about how I was going to do being back in school,but I seem to be handling quite well. I made a few friends already and I bumped into Dalaries friend Sada a few times.
Yesterday I went on quite a little journey. I went to the Rainbow Center to hang out. Then I looked at a little pamphlet for the Odyssey Youth Center. It said it was open for people between 16-24 and I was so happy. So I went down to STA plaza and went up to south hill and went to the address on the back of the Odyssey thing. It was a UPS store. I felt like an idiot. I called Odyssey and got directions and it only took me about 2 hours to find it. Yeah, I'm smart.
Anyways I got there and it was a blast I went in met a lot of new people. I'm glad there is a place like that for gay and lesbian youth here. I am going there again tonight with Anna.
I have to go. I'm suppose to be getting some stuff from UPS and I have to get on top of my homework. I'm a little behind in math, I've just been lazy this week need to get myself into check.

New Year 05 yuck
Mood:  down
Now Playing: I screw up everything
I don't feel like writing right now,but I just wanted to write about new years.
New Years Eve started off nice, I was having fun.Painting, hanging out with Myra. Then we went downtown and met up with Seth and his sister Sarah. I was attracted to Sarah from the get go. Shes just so cute. Anyways, we walked around town went to a few different things. Mylestone concert, bluedoor theater.
We decided that we would go to Ryans and party. We all got pretty drunk. Sarah said, I need someone to kiss at midnight. I said I would. It was suppose to be just a little kiss, then it turned into making out in the grass. Then we madeout in Amandas old room. Sarah asked how old I was I told her. Then I asked how old she was and she said 16. At that moment I knew I was in deep shit. Seth is really pissed at me.
Last night I was feeling super shitty and I was crying like a baby. I called Anna and she came over and made me feel better.
Oh yeah, Myra is closing her store. That is so sad. I am going to go I might not write for a while I dont have anywhere to use the computer without having to pay and school starts tommorow

Red is the color
Now Playing: I should be in bed now!
Topic: bed time but up
Wen. Dec. 29
Today I didnt wake up until 12. I was suppose to be at the Real Change office by 1 pm so I made a mad rush to get my stuff together. I grabbed a piece of bread stuffed it in my mouth and ran out the door.
My rushing didn't do much good. I saw the bus pass by as I was running for the stop. I looked at the bus post the next bus wasnt going to be there for another hour.
I didn't get downtown until almost two. I went to Real Change and they told me I would have to wait until next week. I was a little upset,but it didn't bother me. I walked around took a few busses to see where they went. Hung out at Seattle Center for a while. Then decided to go up to Broadway.
I stopped at a few stores,then went into Hot Topic. I looked around the store a while and decided to buy shoes because my shoes were falling a part and sprung a leak. So I picked out shoes, then a belt,laces, a patch and well you know how that goes. I was sucked in by sales. After I spent all my money I figured I had better head over to Joyces house if I wanted to find it and get a ride back to Spokane so I caught a bus back downtown and then the 54 to West Seattle. I got lost.
I walked and walked trying to remember where Joyces house was then after walking about 30 blocks I decided to ask for directions.After I got directions it only took me another half an hour to find the place.
Ryan and Myra were happy to see me and I to see them. I told them what I had been up to and then we all went to the basement and watched a movie. When the movie was over Myra decided that she wanted to go out and do something. We didnt know what though. We sat and thought. Bowling?Skating?Coffee Shop? After about half an hour of research and a few dozen suggestions we decided to go to Beth's Cafe.
At Beths we ordered fries,ranch and I ordered a whole pitcher of 7up. As we waited for the fries we sat around talked,doodled and I started on my pitcher. I took some pictures of course and before we left much to my suprise I drank an entier pitch of 7up. I regret it now because I am feeling a little sick.
Anywho now I am sitting up at all crazy hours of the night dinking around on the computer. I really need to go to bed because we are going back to Spokane in the morning. Which by Myra's time really means we will get out of the house around noon or maybe 1.

Hurray For Eggnog
Mood:  special
Now Playing: It feels like a dream
Topic: Monkey Dance
Tuesday
I woke up at 11 AM which was a shock since I hadn't made it to bed until almost 5, but I think it was due in part that I was freezing and had a lot I wanted to do. I got up,sat on the couch and drew in my little notebook for a little while. Made some patatos for Me,Erin and Chris. Called Leola and figured out a time and place that we would meet. Then I grabbed a bus transfer and walked to the bus stop.
When I went downtown the first place I went was real change and figured out when their next vendor orintation was. Then I walked all around downtown and took pictures of buildings,traffic,one of the piers. As I sat on the water side I decided if I wanted to go to Broadway I had better get moving so I started my painful walk up hill to the closest bus stop I knew that went to Broadway.
At the bus stop, near Zeeks, I sat on the bench next to a girl. I asked her what time it was. She told me and I said,wow its nice and warm here compaired to Alaska. She said,are you from there? I told her that I had just recently moved down to WA from there. We had a long conversation about where we were from and found out that both our mothers are originally from Hooper Bay and we are related to a lot of the same people. In short making us distantly related. Tamara and I both agreed that it was odd having met like that. I gave her one of my cards before we got on the bus.
The first place I went to on Broadway was the Laughing Budha. Thats the place I got my first proffesional tattoo, although I had one done before then. Anywho, I went there looking for Cylest so I could show her my most recent tattoos and found out that she doesn't work there anymore. I was mildly disappointed,but tattoo artists do tend to move around. I didnt let that get me down though. I made a few quick stops at a few stores found the time and realized that I needed to get back downtown.
I caught the 43 and got off at Westlake Center where me and Leola had agreed to meet. I stood there for about 20 minutes, walked around the tree. Asked the time stood for another 5 minutes.Then went over to a table where people from the Church of Scientology were giving free stress tests. I sat down got the stress test which I thought was kind of funny and decided to buy there book because I was really curious to see what its all about. Then I went back to the tree for another 20 minutes and Leola finally showed up.That was great timing I was just about to leave.
First thing we did was go to the food court and eat dinner and talked about all sorts of things. Current events in our lives,church,future plans and general conversation that is conducted among friends who haven't seen eachother for a while. After we were both finished with dinner we went to kits cameras and I went to get my pictures on disc. They said it would take half an hour.So we walked around the mall. Went to a sock store,candle store and a few other places. When we both agreed it had been about half an hour we went back to kits to get my disc. As we were about to leave I realized I had lost my mittens. We searched the mall up and down retracing our steps and finally found them.
Leola gave me a ride back to the Kangaroo house. I gave her a hug and said I'd keep in touch. Then I went inside. Hung out with a the people that were there. Just for my own memories sake I'll name them. Chris,Erin,Kailee,Josh,Devon,Eric,Carson and Darah. We stayed up until 3 am making things and organizing. There was also a wrestling match, game of tag and a long conversation about americas youth which was very interesting.

Seattle Rocks My Socks
Mood:  accident prone
Now Playing: Take me to Neverland
Topic: I Love Micheal Jackson
Monday December 27
I went downtown with Myra,Ryan,Nick and Alexis. We didn't leave until about 1:00 PM because the kids were being slow. When we got downtown we went to Left Bank Books and dropped off copies of the finger there. After that we walked around Pikes Place Market for a little bit and had a late lunch in the park. I gave Myra a hug and told her that I was going to go adventuring and find some of my other friends.
I walked around downtown Seattle not really paying attention to anything and I thought to myself, it would be nice if I had a camera. I had been thinking about getting a camera for some time and decided this would be a good a time as any. So I walked to Westlake Center, went up to Kits Cameras and looked at all of there models. I had some of them explained to me because I never really used a digital camera before. I got a price quote for everything I wanted and then went to BOA withdrew some money and went back and got my camera. I wandered around town for a few more hours then decided to head over to Georgetown (an industrial part of Seattle).
I caught the bus and went over to The Fire Breathing Kangaroo, its a community home my friends run and live in. When i got there Kailee was the only person there so I talked to her for a little while, updated her on what has been happening in my life and asked if I could stay the night. She said it was fine I could even stay a couple of days if I wanted. Since there wasnt much going on at the house I told Kailee that I was going to go to the Marco Polo.
On the walk over I thought for a second that maybe I didnt know where I was going,but it just took me a few moments to regain my berrings and remember where the place was. When I got there I asked Robert if it was ok to take a few pictures. He wanted to know what they were for and I told him I was going to put together a list of places I like to go in Seattle. He said that was fine. After I took a few pics and was satisfied with what I had I sat down at the bar and ordered a shot of vodka and french fries with ranch. Seven shots and a few bad stories later I told Robert that I was headed out. He gave me his e-mail addy and said I should keep in touch.
I walked back to the Kangaroo house, for a moment I thought that no-one was there so I looked around. I found Chris downstairs and he said that Kailee and Erin took off to Stellar Pizza. I chilled with him for a little bit and then I was on my way. When I got to Stellar I was introduced to Ben,Michelle and Bedja. We sat around and talked a while, then I ran back to the kitchen and gave Perry a hug. Then I introduced myself to Aubrey, the beautiful punk girl waitress. Then I sat around for a while and waited for Perry to get off work.
When he got off we walked to the Nine Pound Hammer because he wanted to have a few drinks. I was good so I just walked around and talked to the different people there. Then I started asking people for hugs. After I asked a few people for hugs I decided that I was going to see if I could give everyone in the bar a hug before I left. And I did. I hugged everyone including the bar tender. Perry decided he wanted to go home so I gave him a goodbye hug and hung around to talk to people. I met a lot of people that I dont really remember. I got a group of people to dance with me. I even got a girl named Tracy to dance with me in the street.
I decided that I was going to go back to the Kangaroo house,but as I was leaving Tracy asked me if I wanted to follow them. I said sure and hopped in a car and we went and partied and danced for a few hours. At about 4 maybe closer to 5 I decided to leave because I was really tired.
That I have to say was a great day