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The U.S.S.J. Hottie
Registry: The United States of Suzanniland & Janeworld

Resistance is Futile.
Begging, Pleading, Crying, Vomitting, Feigning Death, Whimpering, Hiding, Struggling, Appealing to a Higher Power, and Gnawing off Body Parts are also Futile.

Commanders of the U.S.S.J. Hottie


Jane-ette Supreme Commander-in-Chief	Kween Sue Captain for Life

Crewmen on the Slave One Deck

Viggo Mortensen
First Mate


Billy Boyd	Ian Thorpe	Enrique Iglesias	James Marsden	Tom Welling

Olivier Martinez	Noah Wyle	Christian Bale	Stephen Lynch	John Watson


Jimmy Fallon	David Beckham	Gary Gulman

Crewmen on the Flamingo Deck

Karl Urban
First Mate


Owen Wilson	Ewan McGregor	John Zimmerman	Michael Praed	Jude Law

Robert Patrick	Sean Pertwee	Julian McMahon	Brad Pitt	Adam Storke


Adrian Paul	Daniel Goddard	Bryan Adams	Paul Levesque a.k.a. Triple H

Rotating Crewmen


Sean Bean	Peter Facinelli	Hugh Jackman	Gabriel Aubry	David Wenham

Crewmen on the Lucky Deck

Look, but don't touch...


Ralph Fiennes	Gary Oldman


Mark Hamill	Richard Dean Anderson	BJ Surhoff

Guests on the Ladies Only Deck

Security is our No. 1 concern. The Ladies Only Deck is guarded by an electric fence, attack dogs, attack robots, and the Force Barrier. Rest assured, ladies, you will be free to sip our famous "Lesbian Cocktails" in complete privacy.

Angelina Jolie Liv Tyler Stacey Haiduk Gillian Anderson

More guests boarding soon...