the sensation of mad centralized pain
excrutiating memories surging rapid across my skin
woke up strength like secret fucking fear

I was impressed by force rolling down my cheek
a tense tear that my brain didnt count on
but my confused frame had other plans

it was like again-
heart gushing wicked under fingernails
trapped and free all the same

one isolated moment perfect
a disconnected second of
self inflicted disaster

not crime for vanity even
curiousity didnt kill this cat
convinced her to abandon sanity instead

I wanted harm like cuts in my skin
a tradition had been teaching me to harvest scars
worship man made holes

Like I worship the holes that I came with
It's like the best sex you've ever had
intensified versions of what another person can do

scared of the feeling
holding on past harm
pushing the pain outside of my body