The following article was written just to make you think a little.
The Triune God Special Offer
We here at Trinity Apologetics Co. Inc. serve the needs of all aspiring Christians who need a Triune God. Everyone needs a Triune God. If you don't have one yet then you need to get one. Only heretics and cultists don't have a three person God. Having your own three person God is essential to your Christian faith.
The first thing you need to know is that this three person God exists. The second thing you need to know is this Triune God is the one God of the Christians. This is your starting point. You don't need to bother asking yourself if this three person God actually exists, or whether this God was the God of Jesus and of the Christians because, praise the Lord, Trinity Apologetics Co. Inc. has already done the work for you. So if you want to be a real Christian then you most definitely can see why you require your very own three person God. You also need to know this God is the most important doctrine of the Christian faith. Indeed, if you refuse this doctrine then you are a heretic and likely belong to a cult. A fearful thought isn't it? Knowing this, you can see how badly you need a three person God to worship. This God is much better than the God of Jesus. This God includes Jesus!
Now while the three person God is not reported anywhere in the Scriptures, this is not important since we ourselves know very well the three person God does actually exist and this tradition of ours is the most important thing you can believe. But you don't need to worry one little bit about the Scriptures being silent about this God. Thanks to our expert craftsmen at Trinity Apologetics Co. Inc., you can actually use selected passages of the Scriptures to create and build your very own three person God! And when you finish building your own three person God then you will be absolutely convinced this God does indeed exist because you yourself have created this God and your God will be right there before you! Isn't this wonderful? And here is the best part. Trinity Apologetics Co. Inc. has done the work for you! They have all the required pre-fabricated building materials you will need to build your three person God. So, don't delay, order today. Get ready and systematically build your God today!
Step 1: Collect your Building Materials
Anyone can have a three person god. It's as easy as "one, two, three." All you need are some very basic building materials. (We at Trinity Apologetics Co. Inc. also provide material for Intermediate and Advanced Triune God making and maintenance).
A. Basic Trinity Apologetics Co. Scripture Kit
Appropriate the following basic building materials from any approved Trinity Apologetics Co. Inc. vendor who distributes these materials. You must only use Trinity Apologetics Co. products to build your God or we cannot guarantee satisfactory results. These products are expressly approved by us, Trinity Apologetics Co. Inc.
1. The Trinity Apologetics Co. Translation Package
2. The T.A.C.I. Interpretation Package
- T.A.C.I. version of John 1:1
- T.A.C.I.version of Isaiah 9:6
- T.A.C.I. version of Hebrews 1:8
- T.A.C.I. version of Acts 20:28
- T.A.C.I. version of Micah 5:2
- T.A.C.I. version of John 10:33
These interpretations of Bible verses were carefully designed and crafted by our very own expert Apologists. Use your own imagination and enjoy!
- T.A.C.I. version of Genesis 1:26.
- T.A.C.I. version of Matthew 28:19.
- T.A.C.I. version of Mark 2:7.
- T.A.C.I. version of John 8:58
- T.A.C.I. version of John 10:30.
- T.A.C.I. version of John 20:28
- T.A.C.I. version of Colossians 1:15
- T.A.C.I. version of Hebrews 1:3
- T.A.C.I. version of 1 John 5:20
With these basic building materials, you can build your very own Triune God. All you need to do is assemble the these materials by following the easy T.A.C.I. instructions designed by our expert craftsman. So don't delay. Get your Triune God building materials today and you can soon be creating your own Triune God.
B. Intermediate T.A.C.I. Translation Kit
For a more polished Triune God, appropriate the following special building materials from the specified Trinity Apologetics Co. Inc. subsidiary vendors. You must only use the products specified below to create and build your God or we cannot guarantee satisfactory results. These products are expressly approved by us, Trinity Apologetics Co. Inc.
WARNING: Some clone versions of these building materials are deficient and unsatisfactory for building your three person god and could result in death to your created God. Using unapproved versions will result in a defective Triune God. Only use the following versions approved by us, T.A.C.I.
- KJV version of Zechariah 12:10
- KJV version of Titus 2:13
- NIV version of Romans 9:5
- KJV version of 1 Timothy 3:16
- KJV version of 1 John 5:7
- NIV version of John 1:18
Step 2: Maintaining your Triune God
The following materials will provide you with the necessary materials to protect and maintain your created God. Appropriate the following building materials from the specified T.A.C.I. subsidiary vendors. You must only use the products specified below to create and build your God or we cannot guarantee satisfactory results. These products are expressly approved by us, T.A.C.I.
- T.A.C.I. contrivance of John 5:44
- T.A.C.I. contrivance of John 14:28
- T.A.C.I. contrivance of John 17:3
- T.A.C.I. contrivance of John 20:17
- T.A.C.I. contrivance of 1 Corinthians 8:6
- T.A.C.I. contrivance of Ephesians 4:6
- T.A.C.I. contrivance of Philippians 2:6
- T.A.C.I. contrivance of 1 Timothy 2:5
- T.A.C.I. contrivance of Hebrews 1:9
- T.A.C.I. contrivance of 1 John 5:20
T.A.C.I. Assembly Tools Free Gift Offer!
In order to make your creation operate smoothly and trouble free, T.A.C.I. also recommends our specially crafted "blinders package." These specially made glasses are designed to help you see only what is beneficial to your God in the Scriptures. And here is the amazing thing about our glasses. They completely block out any facts that might otherwise disturb your created God. These glasses are provided completely free to anyone who calls within the next 24 hours.
You will need building materials to create your Triune God. Triune God building materials cannot be found in your local Bible. This offer is only available through T.A.C.I. Fortunately, we at T.A.C.I. have exclusively created the required basic building materials you will need to manufacture your own Triune God. Anyone can build their own three person being in just a few short hours. The three person God building kit is therefore only available through Trinity Apologetics Co. Inc. and not available in your local stores of Holy Scripture. Enjoy worshiping your new creation!