WARNING: Some of these jokes may not be appropriate for young children.
"It's almost time for Sex In The City. Charge main deflector array."
"How does she get into those positions?"
"Don't look at me like that. I'm saving myself for a Hollywood producer."
"What is it, ensign?"
"A piece of paper, sir."
"Sa-a-ay, jack!"
"Walking down the hall. Walking down the hall."
"My turn ons include long walks along the beach, nude sunbathing and puppies."
"Time for a little saltpeter."
"Life is a cabaret, old chum."
"Oops. Too much."
"But, God is an overwhelming responsibility."
"Here's lookin' at you, kid."
"Ensign, I saw that. I see all and I know all."
"Check this out! This is amazing! Shreds go in and a sheet comes out."
"Says here that your turn ons are ice cold water and mutilating men in the most humiliating way possible. Wanna go out?"
"My god! That looks like a planet!"
"Here is the data from ship's sensors. The computer confirms that it is, indeed, a planet."
"All available information indicates that's a planet. What do you think, ensign?"
"Just a wild guess, sir, but I think it's a planet."
"Here it is. Party of six. Reserved in the name of Pike."
"Pull my finger."
"I wonder if there's a MacDonald's around here anywhere."
What are you doing back there, Mr. Spock?"
"Captain, don't you just love my CD collection?"
"This doesn't look good Mr. Spock."
"Squatters!"
"Jebediah, I want the one with the blue eyes. He's right purdy."
"This is Vena."
"Xena?"
"Vena."
*************The first Trekkies. Need to go out and get some sun.
"Can you hear me now?"
"I love you, Xena."
"Vena."
"You love me? Well, come here then. Got something for you."
"Oh, no! A cigarette!"
"A smoker! Quick, kill it before it gets away!"
"Take that Marlboro man!"
"Heaven knows how powerful their weapons are and I'm hiding behind a bush."
"Whew! It was only a dream. Hey!"
**************Just goes to show there are buttheads everywhere in the universe.
"Shh! We're trying to tell a story here. If you don't mind."
"I have firm, ample breasts."
"Round and round the mulberry bush, the monkey chased the weasel."
"I like this show. Get started on the website."
********Best shot in the whole series.
"Xena!"
"Vena!"
"Oh, no! It's my ex-boyfriend David. Make him go away and I'll let you have your way with me."
"Stand behind me."
"I love these conveniently-placed weapons."
"!"
"Okay. Bad move."
"He's dead. Now, to collect my reward."
"Hey, what? Ow, man! Every time!"
"When I said that I'd let you have your way with me, that wasn't me talking, It was my evil twin."
"You're real sweet, and kind of cute, but I
already have a boyfriend back east in Lexington, Kentucky. But, we can still be friends."
"I sure hope these guys have heard of toilet paper."
"Here we go again. Another illusion."
"Huhuhuh. Is there, like, any nudity? Huhuhuh."
***********A slave girl. Every man's fantasy. Wonder why.
"I'll let you have your way with me if you let me come along."
"Oh, alright."
"Excuse me, Miss Thang. But, we were getting along just fine before you two showed up."
"Pardon me, ladies. It's been a very stressful day and I have GOT to release it somehow."
"Alright, sheriff. We're a-high-tailin' it outta Dodge."
"We're a-gonna have to plug ya, sheriff."
"Wait. We're almost out of story. You have to let them go."
"You may go unless you want to stay and marry Vena. But, you should be warned."
"This is what she will look like one year after you are married."
"That's okay, buddy. I'm good to go. I am so outta here."
The characters and events herein are ficticious. Any similarity with actual persons whether living or dead is purely coincidental.