Wow! It has been a while since I used this message center. I have been so busy with school and my new disciple life, I havent had time to get to this center. Yeah I know it sounds like an excuse and partially it is. I just havent been on my computer very often.
The message you wrote tonight was very encouraging. It is important to acknowledge your harshness. I appreciate your humbleness in this situation. I know I was no angel myself and wanted you to know that it is nice to see that if we both start living for God, that we will have a much better friendship.
In our long discussion today and from what I am reading on the message center board, I noticed that you struggle with people not trusting you and with my jealousy. I wish I could just zap those sins right out of me. If you think it is bad to be at the brundt of them, imagine how embarrassing it is to be the victim of its grip. I know you understand due to struggles of your own. I hope you remain understanding while I truly learn to kick these issues. It appears you want me to be perfect and that you have little tolerance for me when I am not perfect. God is the only perfect being. No other person in the world is perfect as well. You and I seem to share the following struggle in common of not putting God first. I am still learning what it means to put God first in my life. Some examples include having other people with us so we are not the "center" focus. Praying after arguments (yes, unfortunately they occur in every relationship). I do realize however that we have been through a lot together and that you feel at the end of your rope when you see an unwanted pattern emerging. Believe me, I feel the same.
In your letter you mentioned how important trust is to you. You stated the importance of having people trust you. People will sometimes let you down. In a sense, your letter was right when you stated that I may not always be here for you. It is not that I would intentionally do this, but I am not perfect. It is often that someone will not be happy when they put someone else above God because the person we tend to make number one will let us down! This is not going to be easy and I still have a lot to learn. I need to trust in God so I can have more trusting relationships with people.
If you have other examples you can share of how to put God first, please share them. New input will be more than welcome.
I'm wishing you the best.
Hi Chris:Good luck on your final this morning and the rest of them this week. I think we had a good talk last night.Circe.