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Circe:
I dunno, Circe, you absolutely insist that I'm just bad news. Yet you allow yourself to be affected by what I do, and even moreso (drawn back to the original reason we have a problem) what you think I am doing. You have continued to insist that I see it from your point of view, how the timing and evidence point to one thing or another. But I must insist on my own behalf that not only have you stretched the truth into a lie, and created assumptions about me which you stand firm by because of something you call a "gift" (your so-called ability to sense things), not to mention your belief originating out of nowhere that I'm a liar and even malicious, and these are things that just aren't true. I would see your point of view for a time, but once I cleared them up, you have no right to continue running accusations. None. I will not tolerate someone in my life who is constantly causing me to struggle merely because they believe that I have wronged them simply because they do not happen to prefer the particular circumstances. Not acceptable behavior. I haven't wronged you, yet you are less than a friend the way you treat me.
As a young Christian, I read the Psalms, skipping the verses concerning enemies and evil men because it didn't seem at the time there was a problem with that. Now I am deeply engrossed in Psalms 31, which I read and reread with renewed vigor while I talk on the phone with you as you spew fire at me simply because I am making friends or not calling on a certain day or perhaps even giving a gift that you do no appreciate. Read the facts, and only the facts, that I have done no wrong here, and you simply don't like certain things. I shouldn't have to read Psalms about you speaking dreadful things about me or plotting my ruin. It's ridiculous that the first person to ever cause me to need those verses was a fellow Christian, and someone that I invested so deeply in the past, no less! It's a shameful, shameful thing!!!
I care about you. Only a complete fool would deny that. I have shown too much care, concern, and have pushed too long and hard into knowing you (despite arrows fired straight from you yourself), for there to be any doubt. I don't want you to hurt. But you need to stop attacking me, whether through "stink eye" or insinuating comments or caustic remarks, or even phrases such as "I know you never liked me" or "I'm dating other people". You know better. Don't throw words just to sting. Use words to grow and heal. Be smart. You are not a baby, and you constantly remind adults that you aren't a little kid so they don't treat you like one. Circe, right now, towards me and us, you are acting like one. Regard that, and make the necessary changes.
Based on last night, you have no regard for my well being, my integrity, or my spiritual needs. You are willing to maliciously sting me to compensate for your own emptiness. I am clearly in no position to handle that properly - I'm just a baby in the field of dealing with emotions of women who struggle in paranoia and jealousy. I'm not asking you to go out of your way to be nice; no, I'm simply asking you to avoid going out of your way to strike pain at me or share your bitterness. If we can't work this out between us, you can call it "talking sh*t" or whatever you like, and you can even get back at me by telling everyone even more truth about us, but if we can't work this out, I'm getting someone to help us work it out (Ivan is still my strongest candidate, and I'm not waiting your approval if I need that help). If you don't like that, I suggest you really reevaluate what you've accused me of and where your suspicions come from. Ask God to renew your view of me. Ask him to give you renewed confidence in me and my integrity.
K, that's all the advice I've got. It's written here, that we may witness it if may be. There's not mind game, there's no manipulation, there's no sneaking around. This isn't a gift with words, and there's no excuses. In a period of time, if you're still attacking me and I talk it over with someone whom I think can help, this is my written warning of it, so don't be surprised, the way you were about our breakup after Sunday evenings problems.
I love you, Circe. I'm sorry I have to get so rigid here, but you're not giving room for flexibility. I fear your pride is destroying you and us. I fear your mind is closed to truth. I want to get along with you. Work with me here, and we can still be strong in each other's lives. But you have to want it, too.
Call me if you need anything. If it's in my power, well, you know me...
Be strong yet moldable,
Beck
Chris'n'Circe Message Center
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