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Hey Circe -
Okay, wait, isn't what Robin told you last night about the discrimination the exact same thing I told you in an email less than a month ago and you got all upset and claimed the I just wanted you back on the mainland??? With me, you get mad and tell me not to attack you. With her, you're deeply considering it. Thanks a lot!
I guess I should be happy that you're listening to reason from someone! (haha - maybe you should marry Robin). Did Robin give any indication that she's less of a friend because of what you shared with her? Hopefully not (Doesn't sound like it, so you're okay there).
I've always had two reasons for you not to drink. The first, and foremost (a least at first) was because you treated me like crap when you were drunk, even buzzed, no exagguration, and I didn't deserve it. As time went on, I determined that you got ridiculously sick with alcohal (which, of course, lead to a prolonged mistreatment of me), and it lasted several days. So I began trying to protect you from yourself. After a while, due to weakening from abuse, I went back into self defense mode and renewed my motivations - I was back to keeping you from drinking because it made you harsher on me. It's just one of those things you shouldn't do as a responsible individual. My brother's one of those too. Although he can take a lot more than you can, he doesn't have a quitting mechanism - just drinks till the bottle's empty, and by then he can be wasted!!! Makes michelle really mad. What was more strange was that you were always convinced to drink socially. If others were drinking, you couldn't resist the temptation - I guess you had to fit in or something. Either way, it's good to see you've beaten that. How'd you put it - didn't even feel the temptation. Hey, babe, that's the sweetest kind of temptation - NOT THERE! I'm sure you agree.
I can't help but feel hurt by your friends, Circe, but I'm even more worried about you being sucked into a system where Christ is the tool they use to control you. He's not a mechanism - He's a lover. David Koresh's following began with a dedication to the Messiah, followed by a slow but steady training to obey the every command, because it's for "God's Glory", and it may seem extreme, but those people were not stupid. Just sucked it. You're showing some of the symptoms (just watched that show two months ago), and quite frankly, it's scaring me. If you got pulled into something that wasn't of God, no matter what it claims to worship and follow, then I played a negative roll in your life toward your salvation, not a positive one. I'm not even calling your friends bad news yet. In fact, I'm a little harsh on them because they've got what I want - a listening, respecting, happy, unvicious circe who thinks they all like her so she likes them. But I'v got to keep my eyes peeled, and if anything is off (okay, that seminar's definitely off, but I'm still considering how to view that), I want to be able to pull you out. Better a church you don't like that leads you to GOd than a whole bunch of friends you do get along with and who treat you real nice, but then send you down the wrong path.
I'm going to Harrisburg again today, like last sunday. I'm really hoping to ride in that Ford Mustang again, but John says the chances are really low, because it really belongs to the older sister of that girl I mentioned, and the older sister doesn't go to our church. The girl was borrowing it because the older sister is pregnant and can't fit behind the wheel. Hopefully she's still nice and round. (you know - eight and a half months or something ripe like that).
I'm having weirder and weirder dreams that growing increasingly difficult to recall. Ideas and strange images just keep popping into my head, I can't piece them together, sometimes I Realize I"m dreaming and sometimes it doesn't occur to me. YOu are in a lot of them. I wish I had a way of digitally recording the images in my head while I"m asleep. I'd be embarrassed to have someone see them in a way, but I'm willing to be humiliated in order to be interpretted at this point. The feelings I get from them stay so incredibly fresh for the first two or three hours of my every day before they begin to be exchanged for sensations of reality. Makes me very distant and dettached, because I'm not feeling what other people are feeling. I think I just miss you and am really confused deep down inside by why you act towards me the way you do. It defys all sense of what I know about human behavior, about how my instinct feels people ought to act. I guess I"m sort of at my wits end subconciously. Very strange to cope with.
Can't really think of a topic change before I sign off. I discussed some pretty vivid stuff. Nothing really attacking though, so you should be pretty all right. I may try and call you tonight to arrange protocal for your camping trip. And to simply get a minute in with you before the week is out, since you were busy last night, really.
K, I'm gonna bail.
Thinking of you. In love,
Beck
Chris'n'Circe Message Center
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