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Hey Circe:
That was the most convicted you've ever sounded of actually being sorry and admitting to misinterpretting my motivations with you. It made me want to hug you really tight. I really appreciate your owing up to what hurts me and agreeing to work on it on my terms. You know what's weird? When you sound like you're trying to make excuses or denying that you've ever done anything wrong at all, I get mad at you for turning things around, but at the same time, when you admit to what's wrong and want to fix it, I just want to hug you and tell you nothing's wrong with you because I think you're wonderful. Why am I like that???
Just in case something in that last paragraph got misinterpretted as an insult, I just want to clarify that I appreciate your apologies and I really do want to give us (not just you - I messed up too) a second chance. We're both going to need a lot of patience.
I've been thinking about you more than even usual (is that possible???), and today I just decided that I'm going to treat you better. Like, I'm not going to be a pushover, but I'm not going to attack to get my way with our fights, etc. I'm going to stay calm when you hurt my feelings, I'm going to try and explain when something isn't right to me. But I'm going to stop attacking you when I disagree. My part of "doing it God's way". I'm going to treat you more of the way I did for that first entire year. If you really hurt me and refuse to admit/cooperate/care about it, I'm just going to write an email about it so it's written for you look ponder, and abandon communication until I feel I'm treated better, or until I might happen to agree with you about what the fight was about. But I'm not going to attack you anymore. I want to treat you better from now on (again).
So does this mean you're going to end up in Hilo, since the interview went well? I hope so (yes, I'm going to be open about this already). I want to see you, no matter how we're going to be together (as in, whether we go "just friends","dating","steady","affair", whatever). I keep hoping you and I pull a "Nathan and Chelsea", the way they had some fights, broke up, then came back together and get along really well now. Maybe you and I have that coming (only, we're way cuter together, don't you agree? Hee hee).
Thinking of you. In love,
Beck
Chris'n'Circe Message Center
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