"Amazing." Melinda Pappas squeezed her knees ever so slightly together in modesty, white-sprinkled dark head bent over the scrolls laid before she and her companion. "Janice, this is simply amazing. Do you have any idea the value of these scrolls, not just to the Xena lore, but...Janice, these scrolls cement the existence of Virgil as an individual, not simply a collective voice of ancient bards! And here you've been hiding them for years, I haven't read them but once..."
"Who cares about Virgil?! Did he write them? No. SHE did. He just kept them locked away in some musty tribute case until he died, and hell only knows what hands they passed through after that. Those scrolls oughta THANK me for keeping them safe for once." Shoving up on her elbows, Janice Covington let loose a purely rhetorical question, eyes narrowing. "You read them? Yes? They say Virgil was Joxer's son. Well, if he was such a swell brawn, doncha think some of the niceties could've stayed in the bloodline long enough to make Jack less an idiot?"
"Jack isn't an idiot, Jan, he's just...Jack." Mel protested, pushing her glasses up.
"Jack is an idiot, and so are you for wearing those silly glasses. They went out of style decades ago. And how is Jack, I haven't heard from him lately, not that I'm really complaining..."
"Jack is dead, Janice."
Wide green eyes stared for a moment, before a frail, but still strong hand reached out to snap around the translator's wrist. "Why didn't you tell me that before I insulted him, Mel, you obtuse priss?!"
"Janice." Taking her friend's shaky, clammy hand in her own, Pappas smiled, bending to brush the snowy hair with her lips. Age, so very cold to dear Janice. A snow melting with the sunset...straightening, she brushed back a strand of her own salt and pepper hair and stared out the window of the airy hospice room. "Janice, there now." Her voice husked with tears. "Jack is better now, happier. And this will make you happy."
Seemingly drained by the excitement, Covington leaned back on her pillows, eyes nonetheless boring a hole in her target. "A scroll?"
"A scroll." Mel agreed patiently, pushing the unrolled parchment onto her friend's lap. "It was in Jack's things, you aren't the only one hiding things, you silly...and look, not a Xena scroll, but a Gabrielle scroll..." Her voice trailed off as the television set began to show quite familiar features.
"Turn it up." Janice urged, struggling to peer forward, brows stitched with intense curiosity. A collage of bulletins and police mugs flickered across the screen. Very familiar women.
Mel let the volume blare, mouth slightly agape.
"Reports are flooding in of a reign of terror sweeping through the downtown area. A woman dressed like the television character, Xena, Warrior Princess, has broken into the city jail and freed another woman dressed as Gabrielle...the Warrior Princess' sidekick."
"Amazing." Pappas pushed her spectacles up, staring at the television screen with lax shock. "Janice, you don't think that foolish woman is actually..."
"Oh, Mel." All aggression was gone from her friend's voice. Covington smiled, peacefully. "I know it is. It was all worthwhile. Every blood-sucking, god-wrought bit of it."
"I have to find her." The other woman practically spilled from her seat, eyes sparkling with rapt thirst. "Oh, Janice...we have to talk to her. We have to find her. And the bard...Janice, this is your history, come alive..."
"No. It's her history, come alive." Covington fingered the scroll in her hands, gaze pensive. "And someday, promise me you'll return it to her. But for now...I'm tired, Mel. Read me a bedtime story?"
"Oh, Jan..."
"Don't Jan me. I'm sick, and tired, and now almost completely ready to die. All I want is one final story of the Bard from Potedaia...Mel, will you please?"
"Of course I will." Sitting swiftly, Pappas squeezed her friend's hand, reaching over to click off the television as the repeat news flash ended. The modern day warrior and bard would wait. The beginning, to a journey's impending end. Inhaling sharply, she steeled her voice, sweeping off the glasses to read without them, blue eyes sweeping across the ancient parchment.
"I sing of a foreign land, a land of dually setting and rising suns..."
"You are the warrior princess's successor."
Turning away from the final threads of sunset, Gabrielle met the gaze of the young native coming up the peak towards her. A vaguely familiar girl, face expectant and peaceful, probably from the crowds of Higuchi. "Don't you think its a little early to be replacing her?"
"Xena is dead. She will not return. All things pass, and only if they pass smoothly can life transpire as needed."
"You make it sound so natural." Standing, the warrior bard shook her head, fingers clenching around the chakram. Heavy weight, alive weight. "It isn't. It wasn't. I could have saved her. I wanted to save her."
"But a samurai would rather die a warrior, than live as a coward."
"Yeah." Gabrielle smiled bitterly, pushing past her and pressing down the mountainside. "Maybe my people are less noble than yours, but that's just cold comfort to those of us left behind."
The girl matched her stride, hands crossing behind her back, loose hair swinging. "And Akemi. How do you feel about her?"
"I hate her." The words came almost without thought. Regret followed, but perhaps not as strongly as possible.
"Your Xena will be sharing her paradise."
"No." The bard paused, staring. "I don't believe that. Look, I don't pretend to understand the workings of the afterlife, but I do know that Xena has her own paradise waiting for her...her mother, her son wait in the Elysian Fields. She's sacrificed enough. No deity would take that from her as well."
"But you said it yourself, you do not understand the workings of paradise. Not knowing, can you be certain that spreading Xena's ashes on Mount Fuji would have brought her back? You can't be certain, can you? Why the endless guilt over a destiny that was never yours to control at all?"
The bard sighed, fingers loosening from the chakram and moving up to touch her companion's arm. "Because guilt makes a person feel alive...even when we might wish we were dead."
"I see." Soft, steel-laced, the girl's tones became almost achingly familiar.
"Xena." Taking her companion's shoulders, the bard stared into the obsidian eyes, searching for a hint of familiarity.
"No." The girl shook her head, stepping back. "Xena is gone. Someday...you will cease to search for even the echo of her. In time. It is the only true healer, Gabrielle."
"Perhaps. Or perhaps not." The warrior bard dismissed the words with a hand wave. "Can you get me on a ship?"
"You will leave so soon?" Despite her earlier attempts to instigate healing, the girl seemed surprised.
"There's nothing here but ghosts...and the only one I want has no reason not to come with me."
"I see." The delicate head nodded fractionally. "You wish to leave this night?"
"If possible. I'll be at the docks soon...just have to pick up a few things."
---
The aftermath of battle never came any easier. Fortifying herself, the warrior bard of Potedaia stepped across the body-strewn field, eyes carefully peeling the ground. Many of the dead soldiers were mere boys with soft faces and wide, terrified eyes, but she found sympathy unusually difficult. They had ended her friend's life, an army of spiritless lackeys against one pitiful woman. They had ended Xena's life, and her own.
Tomorrow...gods, she couldn't bear the thought of tomorrow. Lost. Alone.
Kneeling, she pushed aside a bloody corpse, fingers digging into the damp, blood-soaked ground. Freshly buried, something. And she had an idea what.
"Leave it there." The familiar, flinty vooce startled the bard, and she stood swiftly, spinning in the darkness.
Xena shook her head, flattening faintly transluscent palms over her body, indicating the loose, flowing kimino. "This is awfully comfortable. I decided to change again."
"You may need your armor someday." Meeting her friend's gaze, Gabrielle tried to keep her tones level, foot nudging the dirt-strewn metal.
"No." The spirit shook her head, a wry, constrained smile edging her lips. "I won't."
"Xena..."
"Gabrielle." The voice hardened. "You once made me promise that if something happened to you, I would not become a monster. You asked me to move on. Now I'm asking the same of you. You've always believed in granting final wishes."
"Words are never easily matched to actions."
"No. But you have a talent for it, bard. Keep up the reputation."
Closing her eyes, Gabrielle sighed, kicking the dirt back over the half-buried treasure.
"Thank you." Xena touched her face lightly, eyes sparkling with what suspiciously imitated tears.
"Things are changing, my friend." The bard allowed the ghostly embrace, releasing herself to the momentary peace and warmth. "Things are changing, and it terrifies me."
"You'll do fine, Gabrielle." The warrior princess lightly kissed her companion's forehead. "You'll do fine."
---
Scant hours later, she was on an outgoing vessel, chakram nestled on her hip, the little urn box clasped in both hands.
"Traveling heavy, are we?" A lilting, understanding voice cut through her reverie, and she turned, watching the captain of the vessel approach. He nodded greeting, eyes falling to the box. The bard gripped it more tightly.
"If your men are superstitious..."
"They can jump over." A quick, cutting flash of amusement glinted in his eyes. "We've all heard of Xena's exploits, and your own. I...well, let's just say I once spent my youth under the warrior princess...and took her intent to change readily into my own soul. To be her funeral transport is both our agony and our honor. Consider my vessel your own."
"Thank you." Fighting the lump in her throat, she nodded, grip loosening. "I won't forget the kindness."
"Ah, and that's more trusted reassurance than even that the gods give us." He nodded, walking away.
Smiling slightly, Gabrielle turned back to the railing, staring down at the box reverently, tears stinging. She had no idea what to say, what could possibly be said, but Xena deserved a tribute, here, at her final battleground. Inhaling, she reached from the heart. "A lifetime of journeying has taken you to the farthest lands, to the very edges of the earth..."
The voice from her side *was* familiar that time, and her smile genuine. Xena continued smoothly, softly. "And to the place where I'll always remain…your heart. So where to now?"
The bard considered. "I think we should go south to the land of the Pharaohs. I hear they need a girl with a chakram."
Xena's smile was felt more than seen, more radiant than that any mere mortal could have ever possibly given. "Wherever you go…I'm at your side."
Gabrielle nodded, at peace for a moment, just a moment, but enough. "I knew you'd say that."
---
The sea. Gabrielle despised it, always had, and the further along into the journey they got, the worse she felt. Despite all her best efforts, staying upbeat simply wasn't working.
"Xena." The bard turned away from the railing, meeting her friend's gaze. "You say you haven't left my side since...the sunset. If that's so, you heard what that native girl told me on Mount Fuji."
A faint frown furrowed Xena's brows. "Yeah, I suppose I did."
"Then you heard her tell me..." Gabrielle sighed, turning back to stare down into the water. "Is it true that in time I won't be able to see you, sense you?"
"When that happens, it happens, Gabrielle. We've got today. Leave the future there."
"I can't do that." Honesty made the statement forceful. "Xena, it's my future. You...Xena, you don't have one. I have to protect myself now. If I'm going to lose you completely, I want to be ready for it. I don't want to grow dependent of a fading spirit. And what about you? As long as you look over my shoulder, you're missing your own afterlife."
"Well." A cocky grin crossed the beautiful face. "If you're that eager to brush your old mentor off..."
"That isn't what I meant. I don't want to lose you, Xena. But I don't want to hold you back."
"Hey." Strong fingers came up to flick the first tear away. "I told you I wanted to spend my last thirty seconds looking in your eyes. I forgot to mention that I'd happily spend thirty millennia after death doing the same. I'm here because its where I belong, Gabrielle. If a time should come when that changes, we'll deal with it then."
"But the Elysian Fields. Xena, you have Solan to go to."
The former warrior princess sighed. "There's a time for everything."
"And you're not telling me something. She was right, Xena, wasn't she? You can't go to the Elysian Fields. For some reason...Xena, I'll help you. Just tell me how..." Looking away briefly, the bard turned back to face empty wind.
---
The sea was restless.
Shifting in her bunk, Gabrielle threw a hand up, reassuring herself that the urn...and its contents...still rested safely above her head. Sitting up, the warrior bard lifted her head, peering through a small porthole. "I'd do anything for that seasickness potion of yours right now, Xena. I just can't bring myself to try that pinch..."
Only the faintly sickening slap of foam against the hull answered. Sighing, she readied herself, taking the urn into her hands and moving above decks. It was a warm predawn, a beautiful day for homecoming.
Doras, the ships captain, moved to her side. He was a beefy man, a gentle man, and the journey home had been subdued, respectfully mournful, and filled with laughter and companionship, tales of his exploits with Xena in her 'bad to the bones' days. He had been more a father than Herodotus, and she found guilt in the comparison. Even now his eyes cut into her, all pity and protection. "We'll be reaching shore any time now. If you'd be liking an escort, I can hire a man..."
"No." Dry, low, the words broke free. "That won't be necessary."
"But a girl like you, wandering alone with Xena's ashes..."
"I can take care of myself." Briefly, frustration rose in her. "And I'm no girl. Xena's ashes are my responsibility. Leave it at that."
"If that's what you be wanting." Doras nodded, taking no offense, merely leaning against the outer rail. "Look here, and the morning rising bright and beautiful."
"Doras." Glancing down, she flattened her own small hand over his sea-roughened, dark one. "I appreciate it all. You've been a savior on the trip, and your care is an honor to Xena...don't believe me ungrateful. I just need to make my own way."
The swarthy man grinned sadly, patting their clasped hands with his free one. "I thought as much, my own daughter had that fire in her voice...ah, you'll make it, bard. You'll make it just right, but I cannot say the road looks fair."
---
Gently spurring her horse on, the wanderer replayed that last conversation in her mind, grip relaxing on the reins as Argo's progeny fell into trusty rhythm.
The voyage home had been interesting, to a fault, and many a port had tempted her, but some of the magic of the bazaars and crowds had gone, and the timeless glory of the coast had proven more painful than soothing. Greece, and home, had been her sole desire for months now, and so it was on that path she traveled.
Understand, Xena. The words came silently and regretfully. Someday we'll go back, you and I, but this time, this journey, has to be my own.
No reply echoed, and none was expected, or, truthfully, wanted. Having Xena at her side as a companion spirit, capable of speech and touch...no, not desired, not now. If given shoulder to lean on at the moment, she would atrophy, and wither. Years had taught her that. Years that were leading her home, and taking away another link to an already abysmally blurred past age. Time held course for no one.
Even Xena.
Knees digging in more firmly, the warrior bard galloped on.
Hours later, Gabrielle slid from the beast's back, fingers combing through the raven mane gently. "Good girl. Run free, I won't be needing you again yet."
"We could have made good use of that horse around here." Stepping up to her side, the daughter of Xena slid a gentle hand around her companion's waist in support, blue eyes taking in the galloping animal with wistful respect.
"Never hold a free spirit captive for labor you can do yourself. She's served her share...I'll find you a younger horse. Let Argo's wildchild wander free."
Eve smiled, leading the way to the humble home ahead. "Its good to have you back, Gabrielle."
The bard turned her head away, capturing the dying sunset with tired eyes. "Is it too late to be called Aunt again?"
"Never. I haven't forgotten what it is you are to me. A friend. A supporter. An aunt. A second mother, I suppose. The first would greatly appreciate that thought."
"You're so much like her, at times..." Brushing the thoughts away, Gabrielle smiled, face lightening. "He's here?"
"He had no one else to turn to. I couldn't turn him away, past crimes and connections aside."
"He's badly hurt."
"Were he mortal, I don't believe he would survive the week. As an immortal...I wish I could say. He seems to believe an end is coming, demanded to see you. I believe he wants to say goodbye to someone."
"I can't bring her back, Eve. I tried, gods know, I tried. I'm as powerless as he against this."
"I know, Aunt Gabrielle." Hugging the older woman, the dark-haired messenger sighed. "But this isn't about Mother. He...he was injured bringing very special gifts to me. But...I'll tell you of that later. You'd best go in and see him now."
---
Darkness, sunlight flickering through slanted windows. He looked frail, broken, lost in the down bed, weighed down by cover and shade. Moving away from the entrance, Gabrielle shut the bedchamber door quietly, turning to speak, softly.
He stirred, looking up, voice overriding hers with the same drawling complaint as remembered. "I offered you the world."
"You were a god, Ares. Even if you'd had it, the world would have meant nothing to you."
"Yes." Reflective, wry, castigating, his voice lashed through the room. "I was a god."
"You do seem to be testing your mortal limits these days, Ares." Slipping onto the bed beside him, she dipped a rag into a basin of cool water, using it to gingerly swab at his unshaven face and bruised chest. "My gods, what did you do?"
His hands, still beefy, but weaker, paler, moved up to intercept, grasping her wrists. "There are internal injuries, the bruising is part of it. Nothing can be done. Eve tried. She still has her mothers hands..."
"I wouldn't tell Virgil that."
"A fool. Like his father."
"But a lucky fool."
"Unlike his father." The grip loosened, a hand moving upward to trace her mouth, explore her face. "Who could blame the idiot for loving you?"
"Ares, you almost sound as if you care."
He laughed, a rumble that brought a grimace to his already pained face. She managed a smile, letting her fingers rest on his shoulder, taking in the dark eyes. "How did this happen to you, Ares? Haven't we restored your godhood often enough?"
"Not asking you to, this time." His eyes shut, face puckering up in faint agony, wry self-castigation.
"I could try. I'm not Xena, but I have a few tricks..."
"No, you aren't Xena. And I don't want your pitiful attempts." Angry, scornful, he glared at her. Wearing arrogance like a shroud, she thought perceptively, pushing hands under his shoulders to lift him higher on the pillows. Not an entirely easy task, he was still strong, inhuman strength and force and blood flowing beneath the surface. He seemed to read her puzzlement, and laughed again, lips curling up. "I'm...dying. I need for you to take me to the Cave of Hephaestus."
"Not Olympus?"
His glare cut through her. "Not Olympus. Pick at it if you like, but I'd rather an earthen hovel in death than that...that empty mausoleum. Heph's cave is at least a hero's grave. Fates be unjust, you'll no doubt be there as well someday. You won't be lonely for long."
"What makes you think I'm lonely?"
"Oh, I don't know. The fact that you cry yourself to sleep...oh, every night. The fact that you walk into warriors taverns at random and think you see Xena. The fact that you've actually begun to wish Hope had survived, just to assuage your maternal urgings."
"I have Eve. I don't need a beast who begets beasts...with your help."
"Oh, you poor thing. You have Eve. How blessed. She's a nice kid, don't get me wrong...not at all like the firebrand I knew and...lusted for...called Livia. Very good-hearted, my hostess. Yeah, you've got Eve. Feels empty, doesn't it?"
"You don't know me, Ares. You don't know any of us. You know nothing of family, or mortal bonds...everything is a strategy for you. Even love. Oh, I know you've loved, you loved Xena, you loved Livia in your own twisted way, you've had your...chances. But you always ruin them. You try to hide the best aspects of yourself, and since Xena's death, you haven't been able to do that, have you? Something eats at you, through all that immortal power...you grieve, and it is destroying you. You've lost the will to continue. The world might be a better place for it, but..."
"Am I to assume you care?"
"Oh, I care." She smiled mirthlessly. "If I didn't, I suppose I would have been wise enough not to have come. Why did you summon me?"
"I want to offer you the world again."
"I've no use for your immortality, Ares, or your power. I've lived long enough without Xena."
"Oh, so bitter. You wear it well, too."
She sat back, fingers toying with the fur coverlet, gaze moving to his. "When you took Xena to the ice caves..."
"Ah, those." His gaze seemed distant for a moment, awash in a peculiar mixture of pain and amusement.
"Why did you return for me? Why not leave me?"
"Because your presence was always the greater part of her strength, and because I knew, whether she awoke in ten years or a thousand, she would need every source of strength I could offer. And, maybe, just because I admired you, with your stubborn arrogance and morality."
"I was always the wall between you and Xena."
"Oh, it was an ice wall, and one I could have melted. I could have had her. Or you, but it would have meant sacrificing a fun game."
"You never change, Ares." Her smile was ironic.
"Well." He steepled his hands, half-lidded eyes filled with pain. "I'm dying in your arms, you cold-hearted witch. You are hard to impress."
Gabrielle shook her head, standing. "I'll call Eve in. Ares. I'll get you to the Cave of Hephaestus."
"I know you will." His eyes closed briefly, breath evening off.
"Ares." Gently, almost involuntarily, she reached out a hand, pushing a wayward lock of dark hair off his forehead. "She did love you."
"And I think I loved you both, somehow." His voice trailed off, caught up in the beginnings of sleep. "Love and war never were exclusive, ask 'Dite and Cupid about that..."
"Ares." Forcefully, she shook his shoulder. "Ares, come on. We still need to talk. Don't do this now. Just because Xena gave up on life doesn't mean you can't go down kicking and screaming..."
"Just a nap." He protested, cranking an eye open and giving his most annoyed glare.
"For you, maybe. I'm mortal, I don't have time to wait for you to wake up with all the secrets to life."
"Funny." He muttered, eyes widening and focusing beyond her shoulder. "Xena, you look like the living death."
"He can see you?!" Turning, the bard glanced at her friend.
"He could see me." Xena said softly, hands settling on her abdomen. "Gabrielle, he's slipped away. Let him go. Let him go."
Turning back, the bard rested her head on the bare, quilt-covered chest, frustration rising through her chest, eyes burning. "I don't know why I care..."
"Sometimes, it doesn't matter why...just that you do."
"I have to take him to the cave."
"Quite a bit of trust he put in you, there." Xena nodded, eyes unwavering in their examination. "You are the new warrior princess."
"Xena, what are you talking about?" Standing, Gabrielle approached the doorway, shoulders tensing.
"He trusted you." An odd look passed across the spirit's face. "And despite the fact that he's apparently out of commission, I'm not sure that's good."
"Its just a trip, Xena, a...burial. Somebody has to do it."
"Yes. I think that's his logic as well. With Ares gone nighty night for a few centuries, it looks like his position is open."
"He didn't offer it to me."
"Perhaps it's just a matter of you reaching the point where you'll get it with or without the offer."
"No, Xena. I can't believe you could even think...I'll never become like him. Never."
"For your sake, I hope not." Xena moved aside, watching her friend stomp out the door and towards the kitchen.
---
"Eve." Stepping into the darkened kitchen, the bard moved towards the fireplace, touching her adopted daughter's shoulder. Hurt and shock giving way to concern momentarily, she focused her attentions on Xena's daughter. "Eve, what is it?"
Xena's child turned around, blue eyes tear-rimmed, face unusually haggard.
"Eve." Turning the gentle grip to a hard shake, the bard raised her voice.
"It's...oh, Gabrielle, there's so much I never told you and Mother about my life in Rome."
"Eve." The bard spoke slowly, gently, measuring her words by concern. "The past is in the past. I don't expect you to recount every crime Livia committed. I'm certain Xena only touched upon her own crimes in our time together. We each have countless shadows, and if we pursue them too far, we lose our path to the light..."
"No." The whisper was violent, anguished, elegant fingers gripping her hands with almost desperate fervor. "It isn't just the crimes, Gabrielle. I killed people, I've faced that. I destroyed nations, devastated lives. But I also created them. I had a life in Rome, Gabrielle, not just a warriors dedication to slaughter. I was the wife of Tiberius Claudianius Nero, before Augustus chose me as his own. And I was a mother. We had sons, beautiful sons, Tiberius and Drusus. They were just children when I left Livia behind...they're still just children. And I abandoned them for Eli's way. I've tried to forget them, the past. But its not that simple, is it? You can't forget those born of your flesh. And Eli wouldn't have asked me to. I'm ashamed."
"So Tiberius and Drusus are Ares' gifts." The bard took the younger woman's face in her hands, absorbing the pain and tears, kissing the knitted brows.
"Yes." Eve pulled back, collecting herself. "They were in danger. Augustus wanted to adopt them as his own, but their father had other ideas. He inspires great loyalty in his servants, and one of them attempted to slay the boys. Virgil was in Rome, and with Augustus' blessing took them away. On the journey he was attacked, they were outnumbered. Virgil called upon Ares to help him...and he did, but his gods strength was failing, and he was injured. Aphrodite intervened and spared them all. They came here. I've been nursing Ares, I haven't made time to face the boys and Gabrielle, I don't know if I can. Livia created them. They knew Livia as a mother. What can Eve possibly do with them?"
"What any mother does. Love them."
Her companion met the bard's gaze perceptively. "You speak of Hope."
"And the Destroyer. They were evil, Eve. So evil...it was unimaginable, but still...it killed her. Hope's child turned a lethal blow on her, and held her as she died...and it cried, and she just comforted it. I'll never regret the faith I put in Hope...that one moment taught me better. She was redeemable. I just couldn't find the key to that redemption." Briefly, Gabrielle smiled. "But I thank the gods that we found the key to yours...and so will your sons. They'll only love you more for the change. And so do I."
"I miss her." Eve buried her head on the waiting shoulder again. "I miss Mother."
"I know...I know. It's all right, Evie." Stroking the dark hair, the warrior bard closed her eyes. How very dark, this woman's past, and how sensitive, her soul. The older woman smiled, stroking a cheek this time. "This is Xena's gift as well, I know it. This has to be her way of saying goodbye, and returning to you. She never did have the chance to say goodbye..." And then, the tears were too powerful and too vast to dam, and she cried as well.
---
"You heard?" Hours later, the bard stepped outside, gaze trailing her old friend's. Sunset, scarlet ribbons across a dying sky. Somewhere behind the house, Virgil's put-upon groans echoed with two very young, very childish voices.
"I heard." The spirit of Xena said quietly, arm propped against the entrance post.
"She needs her mother right now. So do they."
"No. No, Gabrielle. I won't upset her. If she hasn't seen me yet, I'm not making an extra effort. She'd shatter all over again. No. She's your daughter now. You make her their mother."
"I don't believe that's what you really want, Xena."
"Of course it isn't!" The warrior princess turned, voice rising, eyes glaring. "I want to go in there and hold my daughter and be her mother for once. I want to hold my grandchildren and teach them what I know and see them live , Gabrielle. But I won't, because I may not be here tomorrow. I won't put Eve through the purgatory of losing me and regaining me over and over and I won't become attached to those boys, because I can never be there for them. I'm dead." Her voice lowered, faded. "I'm dead."
"Yes." The bard nodded slowly, sitting on the step. "I think you are...spiritually as well as physically. This isn't you, Xena. The Xena I knew would have fought heaven and hell for her family. Would have scoffed at death. Would have overcome it."
"If you want to blame me, do it." Xena closed her eyes briefly. "Gods know, I deserve it. For the first time in my life...afterlife...I'm an utter coward. I'm sorry, but that's all I can be right now. I wanted to die, Gabrielle. I wanted the redemption, and I wanted the peace. It wasn't fair of me...it was cruel to you, and unjust to Eve. I let Akemi's obsession lead me to my own pit of despair, and destroyed my family for it. But its too late now, forty thousand souls are on my back and I'm too tired to mind."
"Xena, I hate to see you like this." Swallowing her own frustrated tears, the warrior bard reached out a hand, touching the oddly cool, smooth illusion of flesh.
The desperately battling spirit reached out, hands tracing her soulmates face, taking into the tears and lines. The warrior princess' voice softened. "Then you won't. Nor will Eve. I'll return to the teahouse."
"No." Gabrielle gripped the hands, knowing full well that should her friend choose to leave, no amount of fleshly restraint could hold her. "We stop this now, Xena. If you want eternal rest, gods, I'll find it for you. I'll get you into the Elysian Fields somehow...but you will not return to Akemi. You will not, do you hear me? She's destroying you, piece by piece."
"Isn't that what love always seems to come to for us?" Xena whirled, pacing, steps so quick and unearthly that a chill ran up her friend's spine. The warrior princess seemed beyond noting the difference, fingers twisting through her loose hair absently. "This has to stop, Gabrielle. My presence is only hurting you, and hurting me. You'll take Ares to the Cave of Hephaestus...and then we'll see about the Elysian Fields. For you and Solan."
"For you and Solan." The bard corrected. "I'll be okay no matter what you choose to do, Xena. I only want you to be at peace."
"I'll try." Xena met her gaze, face awash with mixed emotions. "Gods, I swear to you I'll try. Just...help Eve through this. She needs all the love she can get. She needs a mother."
"You know." Gabrielle linked arms with her soulmate. "I think our daughter is the most beautiful legacy you've bequeathed to me. A warrior is nothing without family, Xena. Nothing if they don't receive love and find it in them to give it in turn."
Xena only reached over, a finger gently hushing further talk. "Or, as Sappho wrote...there's a moment when I look at you, and no speech is left in me...my tongue breaks; then fire races under my skin and I tremble and grow pale for I am dying of such love. Or so it seems to me."
"And so it seems to me." The bard said softly.
---
Dawn.
Of late, Gabrielle reflected, it was the only time she had any peace. Sunset was too difficult to witness, and the darkest hours of night were sleepless gorges.
Rising from her mound of bedding, she swiftly pulled on her boots and laced them, tucking the sais in habitually. The chakram found its place as well, and the katana. Over the seasons, the new weaponry had become as requisite as the sais or staff. What was it Xena had always said...the chakram owns you as much as you own it?
"You act as if you're readying for a battle." Virgil's voice cut through the dark, and she turned to see him propped in the doorway.
"Maybe I am."
He nodded, the slanting sunlight and shadows playing on his face, darkening the features, bathing the eyes in bright glow. "I'll join you."
"No." Stepping forward, she touched his arm, grip just hard enough to fully indicate her resolve. "You won't. Virgil, you've said yourself that you never wanted to be a warrior. Don't force yourself into the mold. I'm going to have to forego the trip to Amphipolis with you. Take Xena's ashes and place them in the mausoleum...I imagine Eve will be staying there for a while. Stay with her, help with Tiberius and Drusus. She needs you."
"Nothing like the Bitch of Rome." He shook his head, lips curling.
"We've all changed a great deal." Pushing past him, she headed towards the door.
He followed. "You most of all."
"And that means?" Tones calm, movements methodical, she pressed ahead to the barn and began to saddle Argo the second.
"There's no hesitation. No regret. I think you could kill now without a second thought, Gabrielle."
"Maybe I can." Turning, she touched his face. There was Joxer in there, that same boyish curiosity, naked desire to please and be pleased, naked...lack of sophistication. He was so very naive, and so very caring...but there was an edge as well, a lurking hunger, and she knew that his scrolls truly must be windows to his soul, to his darkest thoughts.
Her scrolls...her scrolls were just rotting memory. No time to read them, no time to compose them. They would eventually be forgotten, and whatever memory she left the world almost certainly wouldn't be that of a bard. A warrior, perhaps.
Sighing softly, she reached back into a saddlebag, handing him the rolls of bound, leather packed parchment. "But I won't, unless the person is undeserving of second thought. Yes, I suppose I've changed...but in the end, Virgil, change is all we have. The past can only be used to teach, not as torment. I've learned that. I have a new path now...and my old can only be used as a lesson. I want you and Eve to read my scrolls to Tiberius and Drusus. Teach them of Xena. Teach them of the bard who died seasons ago. Teach them of the warrior she became. And then, Virgil, learn to let go."
He nodded, abruptly changing the subject. "I've finished the sarcophagus. It isn't light work, it felt wrong to put him in anything less than a gods grave, even for the travel to a more permanent location. I don't know why I care..."
"It doesn't matter why. Only that you do." She prepared to head back into the house. "Argo's child can bear the weight. Enough of it...I have to go say goodbye to Eve. Just get him ready to travel, Virgil."
"Gabrielle." His voice made her pause one last time. Yes, certainly shades of Joxer in there. "You plan to come back any time soon?"
Gods forgive me, Joxer. Squaring her shoulders, she moved ahead, not looking back.
Virgil didn't challenge the silence.
---
Eve stood as soon as the door opened, leaving the two boys on the floor near the fire. She had gradually overcome her...fear...of them, and seemed to be relaxing back into the old patterns of motherhood. Of course, the bard thought humorlessly, for Livia motherhood had likely been a questionable priority. Eve needed all the luck she could get. "Tiberius, Drusus." Yes, there was Livia in the clipped tone, watered down with gentleness. "Grant us privacy."
The boys melted away, laughter dying off.
"That was...uh...a very commanding approach." Leaving the door ajar, Gabrielle watched the two retreat. Tiberius would soon be stepping into his own young adulthood, and his boyish features were fast sharpening, taking on the lean muscle and angle of his mother and Xena. Both boys had her eyes, and her raven hair, curled tightly to the skull in the Roman way, and both seemed to have Xena's hunger, dissatisfaction. None of it brought the bard comfort.
Eve bent to sweep up a stray toy, one of Virgil's castoffs, brief pain flashing across the pale face. "By Eli, I'll never get it right, will I?"
Gabrielle forced herself to smile. "Of course you will. Don't worry, Eve, Tiberius and Drusus will thrive on the mistakes. They do have Xena's blood..."
"Yes." Eve nodded, stepping to her side. "They do. Perhaps you can teach them some of what she taught you someday."
"Yes." The bard nodded, smile fading. "Perhaps."
"You're going again, aren't you? And not just for Ares."
"I have to do something for your mother. After that...I have no idea."
The messenger of Eli smiled slightly. "I understand. You have Mother's wandering spirit. But when you do find reason to settle, you remember, Gabrielle...you're the only family I have."
"I will. I will." Pressing her lips to the smooth forehead, Gabrielle blinked back a fresh spasm of tears. Stepping back, she forced a full smile, stepping out the door.
Virgil waited by the barn, firmly reigning Argo the second in. He nodded to the wagon, the heavy box tied tightly within. "I'd say he's packaged and prepped for transport."
"And I'm sure he appreciates the sentiment." Squeezing his hand, she swung up to rest in the saddle, smiling down. "Carry on with your scrolls, Virgil. Be my proudest legacy."
Joxer's son only nodded, and she swiftly turned the horse and wagon around, leaving them all behind.
---
Full moon fading.
Pulling closer to the small fire she had fed steadily through the night, the bard tugged on her coat.
Suddenly, the shadows began moving, and Xena's form came through, plopping down gracefully beside her. The former warrior princess angled her head sideways, lips curving. "I've been trying to figure out if I can fly up there."
"You're a spirit. You ought to be able to fly anywhere." Her friend countered.
Xena only met her gaze probingly. "Going by yourself?"
"I know everything you know."
"But maybe you haven't figured out how to temper it with what you knew all along."
"I have to do this alone, Xena...if I start accepting help and pity now, I'll never let go. As an Amazon, I know how important it is to retain control of every bit of freedom you get."
"You should also know that there's no shame or weakness in asking support." Xena stood, staring down. "At least that's what you taught me."
"Xena." The bard drew her knees up, hugging them and staring into the fire. "I survived the death of Hope and the Ides of March. I have more purpose now than ever...getting you to the Elysian Fields. I'm not going to grieve myself to your side, however tempting it might sound. Life has a lot to offer."
"Speaking from the other side of the coin, you have no idea how right you are, Gabrielle." The dead warrior crossed her arms, blue eyes wry and pleading as she gazed at her friend. "Just...go speak to Hercules, Gabrielle. He knows Ares better than even I, perhaps he can shed light on this disconcerting new development. That failing, he can..."
"Protect me? Xena, you don't get it, do you? I don't want protection. When you gave me that chakram, I believed you were handing over a lot of trust with it. Maybe I was wrong...but it's mine now. I've earned it. I know how to use it. And I'm not afraid anymore. This is my path, and my path alone, Xena."
"Something is very wrong. Ares doesn't just up and give in. Least of all not now. Not without..."
"Trying to get you back? Maybe he just figured out what I did, Xena. That you honestly don't want to come back. That you're worthless here, now. You wouldn't be happy. And nor would he. With you or without you, he loses, so why shouldn't he give in to an end of his misery?"
"I don't know." The warrior looked faintly put out. "Maybe. It's just...Gabrielle, I can't see things as clearly as I'd like from this perspective. I just don't trust him..."
"Xena." The warrior bard shook her head sharply, frown lit against the moonlight. "You don't get it. I'm not your responsibility anymore. If you wanted to die to be at peace, the least you could do is try and BE at peace. Stop worrying. I'm a big girl."
"Please..." Xena whispered, ghostly fingers reaching over to lightly graze her friend's hand.
---
"I've told her, you know you're too beautiful for your own good."
Gently slipping off the horse's back, Gabrielle hooked the bridle on a ready post, stepping closer to the nearby house with open door and brightly lit windows. She probably looked more than a bit like a thief, stealing around corners at midnight, but it had been nearly thirty years since she'd seen or heard the two men inside, and for now she just wanted to take every shade of voice and sight in.
"And you really think that's going to curb her tendency to explore without escort."
"Of course not, Herc. Women are vain...I mean, I probably made it worse. Now she knows she can get attention outside the village walls. I won't be able to hold her in. I'm not cut out for this single parenthood thing."
"Do you hear something?" It was the more brawny of the two that spoke, rising from his seat.
She slid closer to the wall, smile growing.
"Herc, I rarely hear anything anymore, that's the whole idea of being an old man." The still vibrant voice of Iolaus explained patiently.
The demigod was apparently too busy to respond, so she flattened herself along the wall, fingers resting on the chakram, foot ready to swing out...and surely enough, the door suddenly flew open and a blaze of pure flesh and blood power feinted her way. Ducking, she caught the lunging brawny arm with her free hand, twisting it and stomping her foot down at once. Hercules backed off immediately with a groan, but rushed back into the fray. She let him push her back against the wall, hooking an arm over his shoulder and resting the chakram on his neck gently. "Hello, Hercules."
He blinked. "Gabrielle."
"Gabby!" Swooping away from the table, Iolaus came through the door and crushed her to his chest as the demigod let her slip back to the ground, quickly pulling back to take her in. "Talk about ageless grace..."
"You don't look bad yourself." The bard smiled, brushing back a strand of flyaway hair. Glancing beyond his shoulder, she took in Hercules, now standing solemnly by the door. "And you..."
"It's great to see you, Gabrielle." Finally the demigod moved forward, gingerly pulling her in for a hug. "You've picked up a few moves...seem to have the clout to go with them. I suppose it wouldn't do good to ask how you are."
"I'm fine, Hercules, and I don't need to be treated like an orphaned child." Tapping his arm, she stepped back towards the door. "Though I wish I could say I'd come for better reasons. I need your help in getting Ares to the Cave of Hephaestus."
"He's down? Oh, no." Iolaus shook his head. "That's too good to be true."
"That's what Xena said." The bard muttered.
"You sure you're all right?" Hercules arched a brow.
She cast him her most withering frown. "Will you help me? I could get him there all by myself, easily, but Xe...I have it on good authority that I ought to take you along."
"I...sure." Hercules spread his hands in supplication, eyes crinkling with a smile. He, she noticed, hadn't changed much at all, a certain sign of his immortal heritage. Iolaus looked older, grayer, in comparison, his motions seemed slowed and unsteady. And how left out he had to feel in their font of youth, she realized. Hercules squeezed her shoulders again. "It's already been decades too long since we worked together."
"I'll go with you." Iolaus decided, leaning against a wall.
"No, you won't." Hercules turned, wagging a finger. "Remember Brielle? You disappear down the road, she disappears over the city wall...and the slavers appear in town. Home town still needs a hero, Iolaus. You hold down the citadel."
"Ah, that's just your way of saying I'm too old." His best friend shrugged, looking not a bit put out by the coddling.
"At least you don't have the difficulty of being declared too young." A soft, smooth voice drifted in from the doorway to the modest house. A young woman stepped into the courtyard, surveying them all.
Iolaus grimaced. "See? She's incorrigible."
"And you love it." Hercules waved a hand to the fourth party. "Gabrielle, meet your half-namesake, Brielle. Only daughter of the Golden Hunter, and asking her to forget it is asking certain death. Brielle, the Battling Bard Gabrielle."
Brielle moved forward, accepting the bard's hand with a brief grip of her own. "I grew up hearing of your legend, as well as Xena's. Is she with you?"
"No." Briefly, Gabrielle turned to glance at Hercules. He shook his head, eyes pleading. "No." She continued more firmly. "I've been on my own for a while...Xena finally decided a...rest...was in order."
"Huh." Iolaus squinted. "Imagine that."
"Yeah, imagine that." She smiled wryly at his disbelief. "Get in out of the cold, Iolaus...Hercules and I need to talk for a while."
"I'll ready my bed for you." Brielle put in, taking her father's arm and steering him inside.
"That's not necessary..."
"Of course it is." Hercules interrupted smoothly. "You are a legend, Gabby. Let the youngling worship." Then, as they lead the horse and wagon around to the barn, he grinned. "It keeps her out of our hair."
"She seems all right to me."
"She is. More than all right, but bold, unsatisfied with the humdrum. Right now, that just isn't good...Thebes has been victim to attacks from slavers lately, and we're afraid she's going to put herself in their path. She's such a burgeoning adventuress, like you and Xena...since her mother died, Iolaus has been the only thing holding her here."
"But nothing holds curiosity back for long." Remembering her own dogged determination to escape Potedaia so many years ago, the bard smiled, eyes sparkling faintly.
"Right." He stared at the sarcophagus, hands resting on Virgil's intricate work. "Aphrodite told me months back of Xena's death, but the mortal world isn't very aware yet, and I hope to keep it from Iolaus as long as possible. He doesn't have a whole lot to live for, you know, and Xena always seemed to be one of the chief inspirations."
"She had that way about her."
"Tell me." He leaned against a wall, arms crossed, tones soft. "Aphrodite was too distraught to give even the slightest detail."
Rubbing the horse down, the bard rested a cheek on the sleek fur, considering her words carefully. She hated talking about it, even these months later, and rarely did. Even Eve had gotten only a brief telling. But then, Eve hadn't asked for more...hadn't known her mother long enough to want every detail of her death. Sighing, Gabrielle met his gaze. "She finished a journey that began years ago. A journey I was never quite able to understand. She found her peace. And it hurts to admit it, but it was the right ending to her life. I have to stop being selfish."
"Oh, bard." Large, work-worn hands framed her face, blue eyes meeting her own with wry sorrow. "Sorrow is a kind of selfish even the best find unbeatable." His voice quieted. "We all suffer it. We all move on. It just takes time...and you do seem to have that on your side."
"He didn't." Jabbing a finger towards the sarcophagus, she shook her head.
"Big brother, big exit." Hercules muttered, taking her arm and steering her back towards the house. "Let's get you to bed. He won't rot overnight."
---
For I've traveled a hundred sunless lands in my mind and I find myself alone still, and oh Eli, it's so very easy to give in to the temptation and fall weak on the wine of friendship...
Swiftly jerking upright in Brielle's bed, the warrior bard closed her eyes, fingers digging into the covers.
"Xena." Her voice cut into the heavy, still night. Asleep, the hosts, and sleepless, the guest.
Rising, she methodically donned her armor, climbing through the open window and heading towards the barn. "Xena, I have to do this alone."
---
Hours later, or perhaps days, Gabrielle dismounted, stomping her feet heavily on the ground in a vain attempt to dispel the feeling of pricking needles. Staring at the monolithic cave before her, the bard considered. Getting in would be a problem. Stepping forward, she gingerly touched the rough stone, not really expecting it to give way. It didn't.
Narrowing her gaze, the warrior bard slipped a hand down to her side, encircling the warm metal of the chakram with her palm and fingers.
"If this doesn't do it, nothing will." She offered to a watching owl, settling her mind and releasing the weapon. It swung, a graceful arc, slicing into the weakest spots of the stones, revealing an entrance. "Hmm." Angling her head, she carefully passed her fingers over the panel that seemed to have been uncovered. "Very original. But if it works..." The door slid up. She smiled. "It works."
---
"Heavy son of a bacchae." Tugging the sarcophagus into the cave with one last tug, Gabrielle threw herself back against a wall, watching the door slide back down with faint trepidation swiftly pushed away. Well, she'd gotten in. Getting out couldn't be too difficult.
Steadying her aching feet, she moved closer to the alter, staring up at the familiar raiment of the war god. So he'd been prepared. Self-confident lout.
"Made of the finest of materials." The warm, rich drawl from over her shoulders stopped the bard cold. "You wouldn't even have been able to find it in Japa." Strong fingers clapped over her forearms, warm breath nuzzling her throat. "All mine , bard."
"Ares! How did you..." Wheeling, she ducked for the chakram, lifting it and letting it fly before the question could be completed.
"Bad choice." The God of War predicted, grabbing her arm and sweeping her under the alter.
"Let me go, Ares!" Watching the weapon bounce to and fro on the cave walls, she tried to shake him off, and the immense distraction as well. Over and over it seemed to go, never stopping, never hitting her, never returning.
"Uh-uh." Ares shook his head, smiling grimly. "It won't hit me if it means hitting you. Remind me to thank Xena...oh, next lifetime, when she can't elude me."
"Bastard." Not knowing what he meant, not really caring, she wrestled an arm free, eyes focused on the stone beneath them. While the cave did seem notably lacking in godly creation, there was something glinting from the niche near her knee...jamming said knee up, she sent the God of War careening sideways...not far enough to shake his grip, but far enough to make a dive for the specially forged weapon. Scrambling for it, the warrior bard swung, watching the chakram fly past her head and driving the ornate dagger desperately into her captor. Ares only laughed, gripping her hair and flipping them over, knees driving between her own and pinning her.
"Not hind's blood." He offered candidly, teeth biting down onto her throat lightly. "And even that would be unlikely to slow me. This is my territory. All better now."
"Ares!" Voice falling to a frenzied whisper, she pounded fists into his chest, eyes stinging. "What is it you want ?"
His eyes hardened. "Everything she wants to protect. Everything she's afraid she can't protect. And she's right, you know. The dead can't interfere in mortal destiny. She should have appreciated life and what I had to offer when she had the chance. No holds barred now..."
"That's right." The door ground open, and familiar, seething tones echoed in. "No holds barred, big brother."
"Oh, you." Rising, Ares balled a fist, abandoning his prey for a newer target.
"Gabrielle." The demigod locked eyes with his brother, tones brooking no disobedience. "Catch that thing and leave him to me."
Standing shakily, the warrior bard held out a hand, faintly amazed when the chakram returned, faintly relieved. A lot mad. Slinging it towards the god again, she yelled in horror as it bee-lined for his brother instead. Hercules deflected the chakram easily, gauntlet sending it flying apart.
"Halves." Falling to her knees to grasp the piece nearest, she struggled for meaning. "The darkness and the light..."
"I *told* you." Xena's voice echoed in her head, vibrating with exasperated fury. "That's why you needed Hercules. He's light. Ares is dark. Light has to cage dark. You silly, stubborn..."
"Oh, damn." Stumbling back to her feet, the bard faced reality again. Hercules had fought his way to her side, holding the undoubtedly infuriated God of War at bay. His blue eyes held no humor in them as he shoved her out the door.
"You..." Ares' shout was cut off abruptly as the door slammed back down.
---
Gabrielle stared at the closed rock formation, head ringing. It had been hours since it had shut, and sealed, and it showed no signs of reopening. Fingers tightening around the Chakram of Light, she lifted her head, staring at her companion. "I messed up."
"We all do." While Hercules had simmered down during the vigil, his tones still held traces of exasperation.
"I can't do this." Not really certain whether the remark was aimed at him or Xena, she kicked dirt into the already dying fire. "I'm not Xena..."
"No." The son of Zeus met her gaze. "You aren't. But you'll make your own stories. With time. You'll have your own legacy, and your scrolls just might keep the past alive anyhow."
Lowering her head in acceptance, the bard sighed, standing and heading towards her horse. "I think I'll take a ride."
"Do I need to follow?" The glint in his gaze belayed any genuine annoyance.
"No." Slipping astride, she smiled down at him, hooking the newly freed chakram to her belt. "I only make mistakes once, Hercules. I'll be more careful from here on out. I have a friend to see safely home...then to the land of the Pharaohs, may they endure forever. I hear they need a girl with a chakram...of light."
"Bard." He held up a hand, tossing what had rested in it's grasp, and she caught the small medallion.
"This was your wife's. This was Deianeira's."
A faint smile crossed his eyes, battling with the tiredness. "You reminded me a lot of her in your younger days."
"And now?"
"People change, Gabrielle. She did as well. It isn't necessarily a bad thing...it just is. I still see a lot of the girl from Potedaia in you."
"Yeah, well." She deposited the gift in her bodice. "I'm glad someone does."
"You'll do just fine." His voice trailed the galloping horse.
She could only hope.
---
