girl crush confessions
We all know the type - those impossibly talented and awesome girls that just mesmerize us. They have cool personalities, dress and act "cutesy", and they are always the life of the party. Chick-love is in the air. ;)

In elementary school, I had a crush on this girl named So-hee. She was this Asian girl who seemed to have it all -- she was smart, outspoken, artistic, and she was the fastest runner in the class. And when I say fastest runner, I mean that she also outran all the guys. Watching her run was like watching a cheetah, it just seemed so easy and second-nature to her. And given the fact that I was both (a) extremely shy and (b) an asthmatic, I thought (at the time) that she possessed the most desireable qualities. I also specifically remember this incident where this boy named Ramon (who had a crush on her) burst into tears and bawled when she yelled "I don't like you!" (and my amazement that a guy would risk being teased by classmates because he cried in front of the whole class thinking, "Wow, he must REALLY like her").

My second girl crush took place when I was a freshman. I remember seeing another Asian girl (lol, I bet it sounds like I have an Asian fetish ;) around campus and thinking she was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. She had long, jet-black hair, pale skin, and a dazzling smile. One day, I found out that she was a distant relative (cousin) and though I forget how we started talking, I do remember seeing spirals every time we talked and being mesmerized by her beauty and personality -- she was the the type of girl everyone wanted to meet and be friends with. The only thing I didn't like was the fact that she knew all the guys had a crush on her and how she didn't mind flirting and sometimes taking advantage of the attention to get what she wanted. Other than that, I thought she was the best thing to happen since sliced bread.

Don't get me wrong, I didn't have lesbian tendencies or anything. It was purely feelings of admiration and maybe a tinge of envy. In my eyes, she was just the type of person who radiated that certain "je ne sais quoi" quality that would inevitably pull people into her life and make her the center of attention.

So that's that. Does anyone else have similar experience with girl crushdom? I know I'm not the only one! Admit it!

blog blog
Mood:  lazy
haven't updated the blog in awhile... i guess i've been doing a little diary writing and by the time i'm done with an entry, i'm too lazy to think of a public blog entry.

update on going-on's:
-abba abandoned me for japan,
-my bday celebration was real chill this year -- i got to eat at lawry's (*yum!),
-had a car accident, my "new" car now has a nice dent with white scratches on the passenger side,
-i'm battling with the constant dilemma of "should i quit my job and if i do, what to i do instead?",
-oh yeah, and i joined myspace.com! if you decide to join, too, don't forget to add me (www.myspace.com/jazhmeen).

Mood:  surprised
my cousin, andy, calls me friday night while i'm waiting at the drive-thru at in-and-out. "hey cuz! what are you doing tonight?" i replied, "nothing," since i had work early the next day and then i would be going home to calexico for the weekend. he suggests that we go out to a bar that night.

first off, he never calls me. secondly, even if my cousin does call me, he's definitely not a party-going, booze-drinking guy. something was obviously up.

when i persist and say i'm not going out, he replies, "i'm not asking you, i'm telling you. see you in an hour and a half." "wait, where?" "santa monica." "where in santa monica?" he's tired of my questions and just reassures me that he'll see me. i call my brother and other cousin and demand to know what's going on, but they're clueless. sure enough, andy, his gf, cindy, and sunny get to my apt. about an hour and a half later. cindy says she needs to use the restroom, so i open the door, apologize for the messiness, and turn on the lights. when i turn around to face her again, i see a person standing there in white.
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so much happens...
in just a few weeks...

things so far:
-my apt. was broken into (under very strange circumstances),
-one of my girlfriends got engaged (crazy!),
-put in A LOT of overtime -- the worst day being the 14-hour work day WITHOUT a lunch break,
-hung out at santa monica pier with the family (a rare treat).

in sum, apt. hunting sucks and i'm tired. i seriously need to win the lotto. so wish me luck!

spiders
i f*cking hate spiders.

yesterday i was taking a shower and as i'm rising the shampoo out of my hair, my eyes are closed (naturally, since i don't want soap in my eyes -- stings!). i open my eyes to the sight of a spider (daddy long legs) crawling on the shower sliding door, literally 3 inches away from my face!

i freak out and let out a scream, but no one's here to save me! DAMMIT! where's jasper when you need him?! i'm just standing there, feeling the water hit my back, paralyzed because this spider is on the side door, blocking my escape. i manage to get it to go in the opposite direction (away from me) by throwing some water drops at it. i nailed it with water a few times, watched it dangle, and whimpered at the idea of the spider (in my twisted panic) FALLING onto me nekkid and all.

worst of all, this spider must KNOW that i'm scared because it KEEPS crawling towards me. it was the most bizarre thing. maybe it can smell fear. who knows. so there's a back and forth replay of it crawling towards me and me throwing water at it to get it to go away. i realize my fear is irrational ("it can't hurt me," "i can kill it easily," yada yada), but the fact that it kept coming at me was really traumatizing. a few painstaking minutes go by before i am finally saved.

did i mention i f*cking hate spiders?

new phone
i gots me a new phone last week -- the new 815 for verizon.

it's a pretty sweet thing, compared to the piece of crap i used before... having a color screen is pretty nifty. :) plus it's got a digi cam, built-in speaker phone, and all these neat features. i'm one happy customer.

the only problem was having to update my contacts (i could have paid extra to have the data transferred from old phone to new, but i'm a cheap @$$). so as i'm reviewing and manually typing in all these names and numbers into the new phone, i realized i've lost touch with lots of people. old friends, ex-roommates, college buddies.... some i didn't ever START keeping in touch with... there were some numbers saved in there that i didn't know i had or had long forgotten about. and who knew if the number was still current? for all i know, they could have changed their numbers and never bothered to send me an updated # (not that i'd blame them).

it was very nostalgic -- having to remember the times in my life when i was communicating with these people, and why i must have felt compelled and thought it importaint to maintain contact with them. now, with so much time having gone by without a spoken word, i briefly wondered how they were, whether or not they were happy, and whether they ever thought about the good times. despite all this wondering, though, i have admit that even if we were to reconnect, things would be weird, awkward. it is then that i know our moment has passed and that there would be nothing left to revisit. so i hit the DELETE button. a lot. and just like that, the remnants of an old memory were erased.

i forget how easy it is for people to grow out and apart.

isn't it funny how even with improving technology -- email, instant messaging, cell phones -- to help us communicate and keep in touch with others, and how a cell phone basically allows us to be "reachable" at all times, how things still fall through the cracks?

billy corgan
Mood:  caffeinated
yesterday, jasper and i went to watch billy perform at the henry fonda theater. i was feeling a little hesitant because it was a week night and the idea of getting home late, only to get up early again for work, SUCKED. not only that, but jasper wasn't really digging the electronic sound of the "future embrace" album. so i couldn't say that i was feeling too hyped up about it.

so we get there in time to watch the first opening band finish up... and i thought that i really should get out more and watch the local bands. who knows what talent is lying around, ready to be signed to a record label? the second band was all right - i didn't catch the band's name, but i didn't like the singer's voice much. the acoustics were surprisingly pretty good at the fonda theater and it was small, intimate. it's like a smaller version of the wiltern.

anyway, so we're standing around, chit-chatting with ben and evelyn, poking fun at the stage set-up because there was a white wall of tile (imagine bathroom square tiles) in the back. when billy stepped out, people cheered and hollered. a girl who i had been eyeing in front of me breaks out her lighter and smokes some pot. she starts shaking her hips and dancing (all hippie-ish). billy's up there with three other members, two guys, one girl. the girl has skunk hair and sings harmony, i guess.

i dunno what else to report except that the music was all right. i couldn't quite get into it, i kept hoping billy would rock out with guitar solos... but the coolest thing was the bathroom tile wall, because it lit up with multiple colors and moving patterns. i think it would have been especially entertaining for those potheads ;). i got home late, woke up early and showered, and now here i am... tired as heck, but in the end, happy that i went.

dance like no one's watching....
Mood:  chatty
i like dancing. i like watching people dance. so i think i'm going to like watching that dance show, "so you think you know how to dance".

there's something just really great about dancing -- there are so many ways and styles to do it. it's expressive, it can be sensual or sophisticated, fast-paced or slow, you get the idea. i simply marvel at all the ways a body can (pardon the pun) twist and turn.

i especially like watching girls dance -- there are so many curves to a woman -- and they tend to know how to work their bodies better than guys, which is just damn sexy. sometimes girls can express their sensuality more through dance than through words. then again, if a guy can dance (which IS a rarity), then that's pretty hot, too. :) i guess this fascination stems from my own insecurities, because i CAN'T dance (although when i'm drunk, i think i can ;).

sigh... this girl ain't got no rhythmn, but she can dream...

yay! happy 4th of july weekend!
Mood:  energetic
i had to drag my a$$ to work today (the anticipation of a long weekend makes this friday extra hard to bear), but the big boss just called the office and asked how things were... i answered, "slloooowwww" and he decided to be generous and said, "take off at 2, okay?"

surprised, i stuttered, "are you serious?" he said, "yeah." sa-weet!!! my weekend starts a few hours earlier. and now to wait out the extra hour until 2... zzz...

sandra day o'connor
Mood:  blue
justice o'connor announced today that she's retiring from the supreme court, after 24 years of service. i was really surprised, especially since there's been a lot of buzz about rehnquist's retirement because the 80-year old man's got cancer.

back in high school, i learned from mrs. belcher (history) that the supreme court is, as the name implies, the highest court in the country. they are the ones who have the final say over all the state and federal courts -- so naturally, they're the big dogs -- the ones who police the police if you will. anything the supreme court says, goes, and no one can rule or decide otherwise... no one, except for supreme court itself.

so what does this mean for us now that the first woman to be appointed to the supreme court has decided to step down? justice o'connor has often been called the "swing" voter, because many times it's her vote that makes the majority decision in supreme court cases. among other important decisions, o'connor, along with the majority of the court, refused to reverse the 1973 decision that gives women the right to seek abortion (roe v. wade) and also wrote the 1990 decision which struck down affirmative action.

now that she's retiring, this leaves a certain prez to nominate a (conservative) justice to the court (i.e. the majority will now become more conservative). so why should we care? because their decisions affect our lives! they're the ones who tell us what we can and can't do with our bodies and our property, their decisions define our liberities and our abilities to take certain actions. like i said, no one can issue rulings contrary to the supreme court, except for the supreme court itself... so it wouldn't suprise me if the new, more conservative supreme court tried to reverse previous (o'connor's) decisions.... and with two abortion cases set to be reviewed next year... watch out, everyone. it's going to be a bumpy ride.

'Twas a sad weekend in Hundred Acre Wood
how sad -- one right after the other.
tigger and piglet

uninspired... or just plain lazy
Mood:  lazy
i've been meaning to update my blog... but lately, i've been feelin' a little uninspired. running out of stuff to writez about, peoples! give me some ideas... or better yet, create your own blogs so i can read your thoughts and what's going on with y'all.

entertain me and i will try my best to do the same.

that is all for now. ;)