Luffy and Usopp were hanging around in the kitchen.  Sanji wanted to kill them and told them so.

Luffy wailed. "But I'm huuuuuuuuungry…….."

"I'm busy making something for our lovely navigator and Robin-chan."  The tarts were almost done.  Sanji imagined the looks on their faces when he presented it to them.  Oooohhh, maybe Robin-chan would wink at him.  He loved that.

"Feed us first!"  Luffy stamped his foot in frustration.

"Ladies first. You'll get yours later." Sanji growled.  He tapped his shoe on the floorboards threateningly.  "Unless you want to get it now."

"I'm your captain!  I order you to feed us first!"

"The ladies are first!" Sanji snarled back.

"Come on, Luffy. We'll just get our own snack.  Obviously, the Love Cook is too busy catering to Nami and Robin," Usopp said with disgust.  "It's not like they'll even care when they get it."

"Say again?" Sanji said flatly, as he started washing some dishes.

Usopp looked out of the cupboard. "I don't see why you waste your time."

"I'm not wasting my time."

"Fine.  Whatever you say."  Usopp stuck his head back into the cupboard.  There had to be something to eat in there somewhere - and he had to find it before Luffy did.

"Robin-chan and Nami-san are delicate young ladies.  They don't make inappropriate displays of pleasure.  Their discretion is the proof that they are women of good quality." Sanji said gallantly.  Then he quickly reverted to the attitude he reserved for the rest of the crew. "And you know shit about women, Nose Boy."

Usopp didn't look up.  "Yup.  Absolutely zilch." 

"That's riii…." 

The dish Sanji was holding slipped from his fingers and back into the dishwater with a splash.

Usopp always lied.  Usopp always lied outrageously.

Following that line of reasoning, Usopp should have been making himself to be out the new Don Juan of the Grandline. 

Because Usopp always lied.

But he had said, "Absolutely zilch."  And if that was an outrageous lie…

The pit dropped out of Sanji's stomach.  "Get out."

Usopp and Luffy looked up from their cupboard search.  Luffy had dried squid hanging out of his mouth and was chewing industriously.  "Muwhaff?"

"Get out."

"I haven't gotten anything to eat yet," Usopp protested.

"GET OUT!"

"What'dwedowhat'dwedowhat'dwedooooooooooo!" Usopp cried as he and Luffy were booted out the door.

"Yeah.  What'd they do?"  Zoro walked into the kitchen searching for something to drink after his workout.

"Usopp was lying."

"That's a first," Zoro said dryly.

"He was lying about women," Sanji said, grinding his cigarette into shreds between his teeth.  "Like Long Nose knows any girls.  What girls has he ever had time to know?" 

Zoro wavered over his beverage choices.  Water?  Beer?  "Well, he did know that one," Zoro said eventually.

"What one?  What 'knew'?"  There were many different kinds of 'knew.'

Zoro decided on beer.  He grabbed a bottle and twisted the cap off in one smooth motion. "That one. What's her name. The one that gave us the boat."

Sanji breathed a sigh of relief. Zef and the pirate cooks had told him what happened in villages; in-breeding.  That line of reasoning could not apply to Nami-san, but Sanji could see it happening in whatever backwater hole Usopp came from.  "Had a face like a hatchet, huh?"

Zoro knocked back half the bottle and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.  Then he laughed.

"What?" Sanji asked.

"Your stupidity is amazing."

"I'm not the one drinking beer after working out."

"Are you blind? You see her face all the time." Zoro rolled his eyes at the confused look he got.  "His sketches, idiot."

The cigarette almost fell out of Sanji's mouth. Usopp might always lie outrageously but he never exaggerated his art.

The sketchbook girl?  The blonde angel girl? Sanji felt ill.

This was the worst day of his life.  Period.

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