12. The Tango Nami (was The Tango Maureen)

(Vivi is despondent.  Three different soufflés are in front of her; one is burnt beyond recognition, one is fallen, and one is perfect in all respects, except that it is rock hard.)

Vivi:
Why do I have to cook the food for the rally? (begins to stir a bowl of something) I understand that her livelihood depends on there being pirates to steal from, but organizing a rally to prevent the Marines from kicking them out of Loguetown? (sighing)  Nami has gotten so political lately.  It's like I don't even know her.

Sanji:
That would be the OOC.

Vivi:
Sanji?

Sanji:
Hi.

Vivi:
I told her not to call you.

Sanji:
That's Nami.  But can I help since I'm here?

Vivi:
I hired a chef.

Sanji:
Great.  Well, nice to see you again, Vivi-chan.

Vivi:
Wait.  The chef is three hours late.
This soufflé won't rise, but the heat -

Sanji:
There's another way.
Give me heat, any kind of heat.

Vivi:
Sorry.  Ace just left.

Sanji:
Anyone but him.
(He rolls up his sleeves and starts cracking eggs.)

Vivi:
This is weird.

Sanji:
It's weird.

Vivi:
Very weird.

Sanji:
Fuckin' weird.

Vivi:
I'm so mad
That I don't know what to do.
Fighting with carapone
Worked myself to the bones.
And to top it all off, I'm with you.

Sanji:
Feel like going insane?
Got a fire in your brain?
And you're thinking of drinking
Gasoline?

Vivi:
As a matter of fact -

Sanji:
Vivi, I know this act.
It's called the Tango: Nami.

The Tango Nami
It's a dark dizzy merry-go-round.
As she keeps you dangling.

Vivi:
You're wrong. 

Sanji:
You heart she is mangling.

Vivi:
Me x Nami?  I don't think so.

Sanji:
You toss and you turn
'cause her cold eyes can burn
yet you yearn and you churn and rebound.

Vivi:
I don't know what you mean.

Both:
The Tango Nami!

Sanji:
Has she ever pouted her lips and called you 'pookie'?

Vivi:
Only to you, Sanji.

Sanji:
Have you ever doubted a kiss or two?

Vivi:
This is spooky.
Did you see
I don't care when she walks through the door?

Sanji:
So what?  Be cautious.

Vivi:
She doesn't moon over girls -

Sanji (sudden nose bleed):
I wish.

Vivi:
You make me nauseous.

(They cook.)

Vivi:
It's hard to do this cooking stuff…

Sanji:
You should try it on a boat!!

Vivi:
She swindled!

Sanji:
She swindled?

Vivi:
Nami swindled!

Sanji:
Fuckin' swindled.

Vivi:
I'm defeated.
I should give up right now.

Sanji:
Gotta look on the bright side
With all of your might.

Both:
You'd be involved in her crime anyhow.

When you're dancing her dance
You don't stand a chance.
Her grip of death
Makes you fall.

Sanji:
So you think, 'Might as well'

Vivi:
"Take this ship straight to hell!'

Both:
'At least I'll have sailed at all.'

The Tango Nami
Gotta sail till our diva is through
You pretend to believe her
Cause in the end - you can't leave her.

But the end it will come
Still you have to play dumb
Till you're glum and you bum

Vivi:
And turn blue!

Sanji:
Why do we love when she's bad?

Vivi:
That's just you Sanji.

Sanji:
Try the icing.

Vivi:
Yum, that's good…

Sanji:
Fixed!

Vivi:
Thanks.

Sanji:
You know - I feel great now.

Vivi:
Good for you.

Both
The Tango: Nami!

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