(Scene One: A Young Woman and A Young Man are sitting in a restaurant.)

Young Woman (smiles): I'm ready.  Let's go.  Right here.  Right now.

Young Man: Remember same as before.  You handle the Royal Army.  I'll take care of the rebels.

Young Woman: Got it.

(He takes out a huge shotgun; she removes strings from - ahem - the front of her shirt.  They lay them on the table.)

Young Woman: I love you, Leader.

Young Man, You too, Vivi.

(And with that, Leader and Vivi smooch, grab their weapons, stand up and try to stop the civil war.)

Leader: Everybody be cool!

Vivi: Any of you pri-pri-pri�E(gives up on the swearing) any of you people move, I'll have my father execute every last one of ya!

=================

(Scene Two: Usopp has geri-curls - Sanji seems to have gained weight.  They're in a nice ride - smooth wheels.  And the only term to describe their current look is 'totally bad ass.'  Sanji is enlightening Usopp about the food they serve in Alabasta.)

Sanji: You know what they call a Big Mac in Alabasta?

Usopp: 'Desperately needed nourishment?'

Sanji: They call it a Le Big Sand-o.

Usopp: What do they call 'a pirate bento'?

Sanji: I don't know.  I didn't have one. But you know what they put on french fries in Alabasta instead of ketchup?

Usopp: What?

Sanji: Sand!

Usopp: No way!

Sanji: I seen 'em do it.  And I don't mean a little bit on the side, they fuckin' cover them in it.

Usopp: Yuck!

==================

(Scene Three: Sanji and Nami are sitting in a booth at a trendy 50's style bistro.)

Nami: My captain, your boss, told you to take me out and do whatever I wanted.  I wanna dance, I wanna win, I want that treasure, so dance good!

Sanji: Whatever you say, Nami-swan!

==================

(Scene Four: Sanji is gunning the engine of his car and using a portable Dendenmushi.  An unconscious Nami is sitting in the seat next to him.)

Sanji: I have a problem here!

Kureha's Voice: What is it?

Sanji: It's Nami. She's sick. I'm bringing her to your apartment.

Kureha's Voice: If some navigator can't handle prehistoric islands and the diseases they have, then that's your problem, alright?  Wait, are you using a portable Dendenmushi?  Who are you, I don't know who this is, don't come here. I'm hanging up. (click)

Sanji (pulling into a driveway, tires squealing): Too late.

==================

(Scene Five: Nami is passed out on the floor of Chopper's apartment.  Kureha is holding a HUGE needle.)

Chopper (running and screaming): MEEEEDDDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCCCCC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kureha: Chopper, get over here!  First unbutton that girl's blouse, then make a mark directly over her heart with this felt tip pen.

(Sanji boots Chopper across the room and grabs the marker.)

Sanji: I'M DOING IT!

(Sanji gets a lot of pleasure out of unbuttoning Nami's shirt.  He draws a pretty heart over where her real heart is.)

Kureha (handing Sanji the giant syringe): Ahem.  She's dying.

(Sanji then brings the needle down hard, stabbing Nami in the chest. The syringe plunger is pushed down, pumping the cure for Nami's horrible dinosaur island illness out through the needle. Nami's eyes pop wide open and she bolts up, needle stuck in her chest - screaming. Sanji, Chopper and Kureha, who were in sitting positions in front of Nami, fall back, scared to death.

There is a long pause.)

Chopper: If you're okay, say something.

Nami: Money.

(Sanji and Chopper face fault.)

Kureha: Anybody want plum wine?

===================

(Scene Seven: After a bunch of strange twists of fate, Zoro and Mihawk find their duel to the death taking place in a pawnshop�Eun by some very interesting characters.)

(Shanks and Ben stand over the bound and gagged duo of Zoro and Mihawk.  Lucky Roux is dressed from head to toe in tight leather that is studded with zippers and chains and is giggling insanely while munching on a drumstick.)

Shanks: Eenie, meenie, minney, mo�E

===================

(Scene Eight: Still Shanks' Pawnshop)

(Zoro has escaped from his bonds. Lucky Roux is unconscious on the floor.  Zoro decides that it is payback. He looks around the pawnshop and picks up a big destructive-looking hammer, then discards it: not destructive enough. He picks up a chainsaw, thinks about it for a moment, then puts it back. Next, a large aluminum bat. But then he spots what he's been looking for:

A Samurai sword.

Holding the sword out in front of him, Zoro stealthily sneaks across the room and towards the door, where he can hear unnerving muffled noises.  The door slowly swings open - but we cannot see what is inside the room.)

Shanks' Voice: Do you mind?

Ben's Voice: Seriously.  Can we get some privacy here?

Mihawk's Voice: Yeah. No kidding.

(Zoro sweatbeads massively.  He has learned a whole new meaning to the term 'getting medieval on someone's ass.'  He walks out of the pawnshop, taking the sword with him, and never looks back.)

===================
Scene Nine: A Backyard

(Sanji and Usopp have gotten themselves into a mess and clean-up man has been called in - his name is Mr. Straw.  Sanji and Usopp have stripped to their shorts and are standing in the backyard.  Mr. Straw turns on his hose and starts washing the sand off the two pirates.)

Usopp: Goddam that's cold!

Mr. Straw: Better you than me.  Don't be afraid of the soap - spread it around.

Sanji: I've got sand in my unmentionables.

Usopp: Then don't mention it!

====================
In the Vortex

Nami (slugs Sanji and screams): You owe me, buster!  A hundred thousand berii!

Usopp (wistfully): I was so cool.

Luffy: It definitely could have been worse.  At least I wasn't in a scene with Ben.

Vivi (who has been thrown into a panic from her alternate reality smooch with her childhood friend): EVERYONE - YOU AREN'T TRYING HARD ENOUGH!  STAY IN CHARACTER!

(Chopper grabs onto Vivi and cries.)

(Ben, Shanks, and Zoro avoid one another's eyes.)

Ben (quietly): I would like to propose that what goes on in the alternate universe -

Zoro: - stays in the alternate universe.

Shanks: Agreed.

===============
Random Quote Analysis

"I didn't think I should touch her because she was pretty." - Skippy Mitchell

(ShuShu has made himself comfortable in the Random Quote Analysis space.  He is hogging the couch and the remote and has also acquired a beer hat.  The two little straws go straight into his little canine mouth.  He's watching a National Geographic special on the mating behavior of wolves.
Kohza: It's the canine equivalent of the Playboy Channel.
(Kohza is sitting as far away from ShuShu as physically possible. Blood is seeping through his primitive hand bandage.)
Kohza: Could I be let out to see a doctor?  Or get a rabies shot?
(ShuShu growls.)
Kohza: Just kidding. (mumbling) Could I at least bleed to death comfortably on the couch?
[Are one of you going to analyze the quote?]
ShuShu: Wan.  Wan Wan Wan.  Wan.
[Thanks.]

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====================
Terms Explained
Thanks go to http://surf.to/koenswolfs for the Pulp Fiction Script.
And the rule that 'what goes on in ------ stays in -------' is a good general guideline for trips for foreign countries, college, and anytime you think you'll have so much it'll be illegal.  As in 'warrants the attention of the police' illegal.
I think I'm going to hell for this one.  To make it all more 'clear' I included the pictures below.