(A beautiful bamboo forest in China.  The camera pans out artistically along the peaceful valley, then slowly zooms in onto the Chi Sun Dao Pavilion of the Greater Wind Clan Fighting Masters in the Mystical Mountains of Breathlessness.)

(In the open courtyard, a young woman sits and goes over the accounts of her father's legacy - the ancient training dojo of the Greater Wind Clan Fighting Masters.  Though she looks like nothing more than a young woman in badly worn pajamas, all the rest of China knows her as the Fighting Flower Goddess of External Mercy.  Her friends just call her Kuina.)

Kuina: I wonder when Zoro will come back from his mystical sword training and meditation in the remote mountains.  I would say I missed him, but I won't because I'm bushido and I would never admit to a weakness like that.

(As if on cue, because it IS on cue, Zoro enters the courtyard.  He's totally bald - because the director wanted to make certain that he wasn't associated with his usual bad ass roles in the Hong Kong gangster flicks he does.)

Kuina: Hello.

Zoro: Hello.

(There is a significant pause. Yo Yo Ma plays something angsty in the background.  Kuina is the first to break the silence.)

Kuina: I notice that you are no longer carrying the Cursed Sword of Green Destiny-ness.

Zoro: I gave it away.  I'm thinking about retirement.

Kuina: Why?

Zoro: Because…because…is it time for us to have a long and significant silence that Western audiences would not understand unless they were well-versed in Eastern culture?

Kuina: Yes, I think it is.

(There is an intense emotional exchange through the use of no action or facial expression.  This goes on for a good minute. Just as it appears that someone might say something important, a Random Lackey runs into the courtyard.)

Random Lackey: Master! Mistress!  Someone has stolen the Cursed Sword of Green Destiny-ness!

Zoro: Honor dictates that I must go out and reclaim it. (clears his throat nervously) Were you going to say something, Kuina?

Kuina (evasively): No.  Were you?

Zoro: No. Want to go kill someone?

Kuina (brightening): Sure. There's nothing like getting years of repressed sexual tension out of the air with a few well-placed groin kicks.

Zoro: Amen.  Who says violence doesn't solve anything?

(As if on cue, because it IS on cue, they are surrounded by ninjas.  Standing on one of the roofs surrounding the courtyard is a figure dressed in black and wielding the Cursed Sword of Green Destiny-ness.  He cackles evilly.)

Evil Guy: Destroy the protectors of Ancient China so that it will fall into lawlessness and we may reap great rewards from the chaos!

Kuina (in defensive stance): It's Xian-Tsu - the Master of the One Armed Way!

Zoro: You villain!  You will hand over the Cursed Sword of Green Destiny-ness to me!

Xian-Tsu: I think not!  Attack, my fodder ninja!

(The fodder ninja attack.  Zoro and Kuina quickly dispatch them, since every one knows that even though a fodder ninja has had years and years of intense physical training, all a hero has to do is stand perfectly still and slash randomly as the ninjas leap through the air.  It takes about thirty seconds for the first stage of the fight to end.)

Xian-Tsu: ARGH! My fodder ninja! I'll teach you a lesson you'll never forget you do-gooders!

Zoro: Not before I get that sword from you, villain!

(Zoro and Xian-Tsu fight. Xian-Tsu is easily disarmed.)

Xian-Tsu: Hey. That's not funny.

(Zoro now has the Cursed Sword of Green Destiny-ness in hand!)

Xian-Tsu: Stop making fun of me!

Kuina: Take him out, Zoro! While he's distracted by the mocking!

Xian-Tsu: Oh, I will not be so easy to defeat as that!

(Xian-Tsu unleashes his secret weapon - Cloud of Doom Feathers!)

Zoro: Nyah!  Missed!

Xian-Tsu: Curses!  (before Zoro can take him out, Xian-Tsu uses the Secret Ninja Move: Concealing Shadows and escapes.)

Zoro (sheathing his sword): It appears that China will be safe another day, Kuina.  Kuina?

(Zoro turns around to see Kuina lying on the ground.  A single feather-like dart penetrated her swordswoman defences and pierced her skin.  She is close to death.  Zoro races to her side and cradles her in his arms.)

Zoro (calmly): I'll have one of the servants find an antidote.  Be calm.

Kuina (even more calmly): It's much too late for me.

Zoro (calmer still): Then lie quietly and try to become one with the cosmos to end the cycle of misery that we are constantly reborn into.

Kuina: I would rather be a ghost in your sword… than spend eternity in heaven without you…

(Kuina dies.  Again.)

(As a bushido master, it would be dishonorable and embarrassing for Zoro to show grief in the face of his true love's death, so the audience is left to imagine all the heartbreak and emotional turmoil he is feeling.  Yo Yo Ma plays something angsty in the background.)

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Random Quote Analysis
Alcohol is the anaesthesia by which we endure the operation of life. - George Bernard Shaw

(The second Kuina death in the space of so many universes has sent Kohza reeling from the repressed and re-channeled Zoro angst. That's why Kohza is hyperventilating into a paper bag. In his cage.)
Mihawk: Deep breaths. Deep breaths.


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Things Explained
I did it again. Mocked Kuina and Zoro's timeless vow. Deserves a flame, don't you think?  Please?  Something with lots of grammar mistakes and mispelled swear words would be really appreciated.
It's pronounced - Shantsu