Scene: The Sands of Moria

Gimvi: Wait until you see the fabled hospitality of my people! 

Bengorn: Will this hospitality include lots of water?

(Cut to Legolus.  Girls squeal.)

Legolus: It won't be as good as Pointy Ear hospitality.

Gimvi: Last time I checked you didn't have the best mimes in the world!  (laughs heartily) Yes, that's right!  You'll all get to see the fabled mimes of Moria!!!

(Sanry and Zoppin argue with Bengorn.)

Bengorn: We can't stop for breakfast again.

Sanry: You don't like my cooking?

Shandalf: He didn't say that.

(Sanry and Zopping kick Shandalf in the shins. For the hell of it.)

Cham: How are you doing, Mister Frolu?

Frolu: Great!

(He smiles. But it's not his normal cheery smile. It's strangely reminiscent of a giant smile that hovers over a volcano in the East…)

Gimvi: Just over this dune and we'll see - NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

(They cross the dune. It looks the same as the rest of the country they've been traveling through.)

Gimvi: No, it's all ashes and dust!

Bengorn (awkwardly): Er, there, there, Gimvi.

Shandalf: So is the fate of all who delve too deeply into the dark arts of mim - OW! Stop it!

(Shandalf kicks back at Sanry and Zoppin.)

===============
(Stuff Happens. Mostly walking. Eventually Shandalf and Frolu have an Important Talk. They realize they have a Guest.)

Voice: Preciousssss…

Frolu (looking down into the ravine below them): What is it, Shandalf?

Shandalf: It's the Goldum.  It too is bound to the Hat, the greatest treasure in the world.

Frolu: It's gross.  Let's kill it.

Shandalf: No.  For once the Goldum was a Riverfolk named…Nagol!

Frolu: Gasp!

Shandalf: Yes!  Nagol was a beautiful young girl, but her lust for the Hat twisted and warped her into…that.

(Quick shot of the Goldum - same as the Gollum we know and…know, but now it has stringy bits of brilliant orange hair.)

Frolu: It's still gross and I still wanna kill it.

=================
(Yadda, yadda, yadda. More stuff happens. Porcs, fights, more fighting with Porcs, Legolus does lots of cool stuff that makes girls swoon. The bodies of the fangirls impede the advance of the Porcs so the Fellowship can escape, etc. Big nasty bad thing chases them. Stuff dies. Stuff being defined as pervy old men with long hair….)

Scene: Outside Moria

(The party mourns for the loss of their wizard, Shandalf.  Some more than others.)

Zoppin: Okay, all done mourning now.

Sanry: Ready to go! Time to save the world!

Frolu: SHAAAAAAANDAAAAAAAAALLLLLFFFFFF!!!!!!!!

Bengorn: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Cut to Gimvi.)

Gimvi: Um, aren't you supposed to be telling us that we don't have time to grieve, Bengorn?

(Cut to Legolus.  Girls scream.)

Legolus: I think they're grieving a bit too much.

========================
(Blah, blah, blah, more Pointy Ears, blonde mildly ominous Kayadriel "here are some cryptic words, don't fail the world, watch out for the giant grin hovering over the volcano, okay, see ya!"  At the river's edge. Bengorn and Frolu are having an Important talk.)

Frolu: I miss Shandalf.

Bengorn: Me too.

Frolu: I know what!  I'll head to the Gates of the Grandline!  And give him this hat!  I know he says he doesn't want it, but I'm sure that he does.

Bengorn (slowly): Frolu, do you remember when we grieved in Moria?

(Frolu nods.)

Bengorn: Do you know why we grieved?

(Frolu's eyes fill with tears.)

Frolu: Buh-buh-because Shandalf abandoned us! (weeps)

Bengorn: Abandoned in a very technical sense, Frolu.  In a 'worm food' sense.

Frolu: But he'd come back for the Hat. I know I would come back for the Hat. And I know that if I were coming back, I'd come back on the Grandline. So that's where I'm going.

(Bengorn gives up on explaining that difficult concept of 'death' and moves on to another topic.)

Bengorn: And you're going by yourself?  With no plan?  No support?  You against every evil creature from here to the Gates of the Grandline?

Frolu: It'll be fun. I can hike and sleep under the stars and sing all the live long day -

Bengorn: Through the most dangerous areas of our world? (Bengorn glares at the hat suspiciously.) Are you sure that's the One Hat?

Frolu: I love my hat! It's the One and Only Hat for me!

(Frolu "Smiles" happily. Bengorn shudders.)

Bengorn: Sounds like a plan. Get outta here, kid.

Frolu: Cham? Pack animal Cham? You coming?

(Cham mumbles about child labor laws and gets into the canoe. Everyone waves bye from the shore as Frolu and Cham set out on the really perilous part of the journey. The remainder of the Nakama stand around awkwardly.)

Bengorn: Anyone up for warmongering on the plains?

Gimvi: Maybe we should save the hoppitz?

Bengorn: What?

Gimvi: They kinda got kidnapped while me and Legolus were setting up the tents.

(Shot of Legolus. Girls squeal.)

Legolus: Our bad.

=====================

(On the other side of the river. Yes. On the other side of the river. Deal.)

Voice: Preciousssss….

Frolu: Oh!  Ew.  It's Nagol.  Let's kill it.

Cham: No.  I have a better idea. Let's make it carry all this stuff.

Nagol: Hoppitzzz wants to see the Grandline!?  Hoppitzzz needzzzz us.

Frolu: Us?

Cham: There's someone else here?

Nagol: Hoppitzzz are denzzzeee.

Cham: And cute!  Don't forget cute!

Nagol (tossing the three orange hairs in her head): We are cuter.

(The Hoppitz laugh. So does the audience.)

======================

(Scene: The forest.  Sanry and Zoppin are about to get gutted by a P-orc.)

Sanry and Zoppin: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!

(A giant something stomps the P-orc into a smear.)

Voice: Nasty little goblins!

Sanry: Oh my gawd, what is it, Zoppin?

Zoppin (in awe): It's a Forest Guardian.

(beat)

Zoppin: Trapped in a box.

(Cut to a HUGE Gaimon.)

Gaimon: All who lay a hand on the forest will DIE!

Sanry and Zoppin scream: AAAAAAAAAAA -

=====================
Random Quote Analysis
Anyone else? The gas mining business has been really good this year and we've got plenty of carbonite to go around. - Francis, dealing out RPG punishment at PVP

Kohza: Thank goodness for capestone. Or I would be a lot more scared right now.
(Mihawk has managed to acquire some Nutella. He's spreading it on a piece of peanut butter toast.)
Mihawk: You're not my type. Contrary to what everyone thinks, I am not Pervy McPervster. (glares at ceiling in general direction of the Author)
[Plus you're still not over Crocodile.]
Mihawk: Shut. Up.
Kohza: Crocodile? (shakes his head sadly) You could do much better than him.
(Mihawks stares at Kohza. Kohza recoils.)
Mihawk: Did I ask your opinion?
Kohza: Excuse my forwardness, sir.

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