1. Puking toilet-You have to puke? Go ahead and puke in it, or poop in it, or whatever, but remember, it is a puking toilet!
2. Real Appetizers-You sick of resteraunts with appetizers that only fill you up, and not make you more hungry, while, these do, and they make you hungrier with each bite you eat, just dont eat too many...
3. Solar Powered Flashlight-Batteries just cost too much, cut that price down with this solar powered flashlight!! YAH!
4. Dirt Soap-How much does soap cost, well, not much money, but it is made from whale fat, so why not use Earth's cleanest substance, DIRT! Thats right!
5. Barfing Toilet-A puking toilet with a different name, other than that its just the same, hey! I am a poet and nobody told me!
6. Waterproof Towels-Are you getting sick of wet towels hanging around your bathroom/place where you put your towels to hang them when wet, well, if you are, these are the thing for you, the special surface makes sure no water gets on it, it just repels it all!! YAY!
7. Waterproof Cowbells-Are you getting tired of rusty cowbells? Well, here is something for you!
8. Fart-scented Air Fresheners-Are you really angry at the pine trees in this world? Well, if you ask me, I say they smell to dang pinish, well, these ones smell like FARTS, so if you wanna boycott those dang craps of pine, buy the brown colored butt shaped air fresheners!!!!!!WHOOOWEE!
9. Music Golfball-GOLF IS BORING, destroy that boringness with the official, Musical Golfball®, right before you hit a golfball, you get loud country western music to lighten the course up, this 10,000,000 decibel shooting golfball will have your opponents on their knees and begging for mercy, all professional and amateur golfers need these, straight from the forests in Greece.
10. REAL Lava Lamp-You know those real boring lava lamps with the milk-type protocall in them, well, we hate them, so we went straight to a real volcano and got some lava for ourselves to put in these lava lamps! You might wanna put some newspapers around them though, when you turn 'em on.
11. Bright-orange-duck decoys-These decoys are impossible to lose unless your a moron®©, these bright orange babies will have your ducks running, and your decoys with you, no more looking in the water for a decoy again!! We will never 123.
13. User-friendly Bouncy® Ball-This super-de-duper bouncy ball comes with a® 180© page instruction manual to answer all your questions on how you work this amazing thing of® natural bounciness. Dont worry about being stuck with no instructions, you won't need to spen 5 seconds figuring it out on your own! CUZ YOU GOT INSTRUCTIONS!
14. REAL Spider Line-From the makers of the REAL Lava Lamp, comes the REAL Spider Line! Everybody knows that one of the toughest things on our planet is spiderwebs, its stronger than steel that is the same size as it, well, throw out that stupid spider wire and make room in your tackle box for the REAL Spider Line. This stuff doesnt have anything fake in it, just pure spider web, just cast it, and you dont even need bait, get fish stuck in your web, its really cool, it varies in size from 1-2 mm thick, so choose carefully! (I recommend the 1.3 mm, it rocks!)
15. 2 Gallons Of Alcohol-Everybody knows that no one drinks alchoholic beverages for the taste, its so they can go home and puke up everything they ate and act like a spider monkey! Well, this stuff is pure alcohol, so you dont have to worry about your teeth rotting, just get drunk!
16. Non-memory-needing Computer-Tired of all these ads that start with 'Are you sick of" or "Are you Tired of" well, too bad if you are, cause if your tired of having to worry about all that memory in your computer, and if you need to install something and how much space it will take up, then get one of these, it has no memory at all, so you dont have to do anything except whatch it sit there and attract dust! Its really good!
17. Special Wigs-Do people snatch your wigs off your head alot? Well, many many people have that problem, so get these special wigs, they come with a little stapler so you can staple the wig to you head, when you think wig, think special wig!
18. Censored Pornography-Wait a minute, this already exists...
19. Lensless Glasses-All you glasses wearers out there know that it is way to easy to scratch your lenses, and they pop out easily. So buy these lensless glasses, dont worry about those dumb scratches again.
20. Laterade- Have you ever tried Gatorade? Well we all know that you don't want your heaving and heavy sweating to stop right then. You want to get a drink though. So get laterade, it takes hours for it to start working. LATERADE!
21. Serious Putty- Silly putty, its too silly do you not think so? This is Serious Putty. It can't be stretched, it has no melting point, it has no boiling point, and cannot be sublimed. So don't even try! It comes in only one color, serious sky blue. It is a very serious incident. And if you do try to stretch it, it will yell at you for being silly.
22. Difficult Cheese (made by Wallabee)- Who says cheese needs to be easy? This comes in a can that has no pressure what-so-ever. It will not come out, NEVER! No matter how much you press the button. It won't. Do I have to spell it out to you? Ergh...well, I guess I just did, but still! IT WON'T COME OUT!!!! NEVER! NEVER! NEVER! NEVER!
23. Tape-o-magnets- These are special magnets. They stick to tape only to make sure your tape stays on to places and never falls off. But when the tape runs out of its "stick" it wont stick. So be careful!
24. Stock Finder-o-matic (made by anonymous)- It will tell you your stocks...............but they are wrong.
25. Anti-stick stickers- Lets pretend you are about the age of a kindergardner. You do really really good on yoru assingment and the teacher gives you a sticker. And at that age you are so happy about it you would never be able to let it go. But all of a sudden the stickiness wears out after you keep changing the place of which it should stick. Then you are heart-broken. But now, thanks to the special help of very very dedicated D.M.S.C. reaserchers, there is a special kind of sticker that never loses its stickiness....how you ask? BECAUSE IT DOESNT HAVE ANY IN THE FIRST PLACE! Isnt that a brilliant idea? Now you never will be heart-broken again when your stickers wont stick anymore cuz they never would in the first place!
26. Happy Green Elf Bubbles-These just plain dont make sense.
27. Recyclable Syringes-These eliminate the need of having to throw away syringes because of that silly ol' A.I.D.S. virus. Simply recycle these syringes and pass em on to the next person...what could wrong. Do not really do this.
28. Non-niccotine ciggarettes-These are ciggerettes that won't get you hooked on them so you dont have to worry about not being able to stop. It might not stop your cravings for them; but it wont make you more hooked then you already are! Once again...do not really do this...
29. More people with the last name Johnson-Well...what do you think? It may not be the best invention...but it sure doesnt make sense!
Current Inventions on this page: 30 and more coming!
If you would like to get in on this research and apply for a job with the D.M.S.C., please send an e-mail with one of your well thought of inventions to ME and give me all the info of your invention. To make it sell better I might just change the advertisement around a little bit, but you will still get full credit. And like always if the clicking of the button to e-mail doesnt work, do it manually by sending an e-mail to firstname.lastname@example.org.
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