Our Interview With Sam Guthrie
Now that GenX’s restraining order has taken effect, we decided to prey on…uh, I mean interview members of other teams, before word gets around. So, of course my first choice would be that southern blond hunk of imaginary man, Samuel Guthrie. Here is the entire unedited transcript from that interview:
Newt: Hi Sam, how are you?
Sam: Fine, Ah guess
Soupnazi: *sigh* Hi Sam *sigh*
Sam: Hi.
Newt: So Sam, I once saw this picture of you picking you nose, is that something you usually do?
Sam: Excuse me? Ah never do that!
Soupnazi: Yeah moron, he’s perfect. So Sammy, can I call you Sammy?
Sam: Ah guess.
Soupnazi: *giggle* Thank you for agreeing to this interview Sammy.
Sam: No problem. Ah know how hard it is t’get in tough with us X-Folks, ‘specially after them two crazy people scared the heck outta mah sister and her friends. What were their names again? Oh yeah, Soupnazi and Salamander.
Newt: (Gives him dirty look) You never answered my question, do you pick your nose?
Sam: No ah don’t. Say, what were ya’re names again?
Soupnazi: Ah, ummm…Gertie and…Larry?
Newt: James, my name is James!
Sam: OK! Geez.
Soupnazi: Ya, you don’t have to yell. You’ll damage his cute lil’ sensitive ears. Are they okay Sammy?
Sam: Ya, sure. They’re great.
Newt: Soup--I mean Gertie, could you please lay off the baby talk? I’m gonna hurl.
Soupnazi: (shoves Newt) Then stay away from Sam’s nice shoes!
Newt: This is worse than Rosie’s interview with Ricky Martin.
Sam: Is that all? Cause Ah really have t’go an meet the team.
Soupnazi: That’s wonderful. We’ve only been dati—err, I mean talking for 10 minutes and already you want to spend all your time with your friends. Are they more important than me?
Sam: What? Ya’re not making any sense.
Newt: Don’t mind her (leans over to Sam and whispers) She’s not completely right in the head.
Sam: Ah, that explains it.
Soupnazi: *sigh* Aren’t those just the bluest eyes you’ve ever seen Larry? Do you think they look more like the sky on a perfect summer day, or the clearest waters of a tropical ocean?
Newt: My name is James! And I swear if you don’t shut up I will hurl all over you!
Soupnazi: Stop saying that, it’s gross!
Sam: Do Ah really have t’answer that question?
Newt: No.
Sam: Thank you.
Soupnazi: What kind of shampoo do you use? Your hair is silky and shiny and smells oh so good. It’s the colour of corn silk, and reminds me of rays of sunshine. *sigh*
Sam: Was there a question somewhere in there?
Soupnazi: *sigh* Not really.
Newt: If I were you I’d run before she gets to your accent.
Soupnazi: That reminds me, you have the most adorable accent. I love accents, especially Irish ones, like that guy on Angel, but your accent is sooo cute, I love it! Say something, oh please!
Newt: I warned you.
Sam: (Looks at his wrist) Umm, look at the time, Ah really have t’go.
He gets up to leave.
Soupnazi: Nice talking to you!
Sam: Ah guess.
Sam exits.
Soupnazi: Was he even wearing a watch? Oh, well it doesn’t matter. He is even more adorable off paper. *sigh*
Newt: Can we go eat now?
Soupnazi: Ooh, can we have chicken?
Newt: Taco.
Soupnazi: I don’t know, I think we’d better go and talk to Sam some more. If we hurry we can catch up to him.
Newt: Taco.
Soupnazi: Oh Sam! Yoo-hoo, Sammy-boy! We still have to talk about the perfectly even shape of your teeth!
Newt: Run Sam Run!!!
Soupnazi: Chicken, or else. I can go all night.
Newt: Damn.
Soupnazi: Is that a yes?
Newt: Yes.
Soupnazi: Goody goody yum yum!
Go Back!
Disclaimer: Sam belongs to Marvel. No money is being made off this. This interview never happened, except maybe in my dreams. I’m joking. Sorta.