Our Interview With Monet

That's right folks, we phoned Monet and asked for an interview and she jumped at the chance! (If jumping means several months of negotiating and 2000 bucks.) Here is the entire unedited transcript of the interview:

Newt: Hello Monet how are you doing?
Monet: Fine, fine hurry up.
Newt: OK. What was it like being Penance, not being able to touch or talk to anybody?
Monet: It sucked. Next question.
Soupnazi: Oh hey, you know what that makes me think of? Smarties. Hard candy shell, filled with creamy milk chocolate. Man I'm hungry.
Monet: What exactly is your point?
Soupnazi: Point? Let me see...you didn't happen to bring any Smarties with you?
Monet: No.
Soupnazi: Damn.
Newt: (Leans over towards Soupnazi.) Whuh?
Soupnazi shrugs
Newt: So what's up with you and Ev?
Monet: I really don't think that's any of you business.
Soupnazi: Thank you Captain Cooperative.
Newt gives Soupnazi dirty look. Soupnazi sticks out tongue at him
Monet: Could we please hurry it up and ask some questions! I don't have all day.
Newt: Of course. Umm...what were they again?
Soupnazi: I told you we should've written them down.
Newt: Just let me think...
Soupnazi: Wait! I've got a question: Do you wear the spandex when it's that time of the month?
Newt: What the hell?
Soupnazi: I think the public deserves to know.
Monet: That time of the month?
Soupnazi: (Slaps forehead.) Oh that's right, I forgot. Marvel women don't get that kind of stuff. Sorry.
Newt shakes his head in disbelief
Soupnazi: You know what else would be good right now? Pie. Do we have any pie?
Newt: NO!
Soupnazi: Ya sure? I'd better check. Just in case.
Soupnazi exits the room, humming "I feel like chicken tonight"
Newt: Recently you went to the dance with Angelo, do you have any feelings for him?
Monet: Please.
Soupnazi: (Yelling from outside the room.) What, you too good for Angelo now?
Newt: Just ignore her.
Monet: I already am.
Newt: Good.
Soupnazi comes back into the room
Soupnazi: No pie, but I found some cold pizza that doesn't smell too old.
Monet: How repulsive.
Newt: Where the heck did you find that?
Soupnazi: You don't want to know.
Newt shivers
Soupnazi: Hey, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.
Newt: You're not a man.
Soupnazi: Lend me 10,000 bucks and I will be.
Monet: Excuse me, have you forgotten someone?
Newt: No.
Soupnazi: Yes.
Newt: So what are your feelings towards Jubilee?
Monet: Are you dense?
Soupnazi: Yes.
Newt: Bite me.
Soupnazi: Sure.
She leans over and opens her mouth
Newt: You'd do it too, wouldn't you.
Soupnazi: That's for me to know and you to find out.
Newt: So, Monet...
Soupnazi: Wait, she didn't answer the other question yet.
Monet: If you must know, I find Jubilation to be the most annoying little brat to ever walk the earth.
Soupnazi: So are you two friends or what?
Newt mouths the word idiot and shakes his head
Soupnazi hits Newt
Newt: Ha ha, that didn't hurt at all.
Soupnazi: Monet, would you?
Monet: Certainly.
She punches Newt in the face, he goes flying through the air and crashes through the door. Newt slowly walks back in and glares at Soupnazi, thinking evil thoughts
Soupnazi: So hey, what's the deal with your Bio-Dome? What happened to it?
Monet: It disappeared. We don't know where.
Soupnazi: Oh. Newt?
Newt: Have you actually counted all your powers? If so how many are there that you know of?
Monet: Last time I counted there were 105.
Newt: Whoa!
Monet: Yes, I am quite impressive.
Soupnazi: Whatever. Look, this is getting boring, do you have anything interesting to say or not? Cause I've got better things to do. Like washing my socks, for instance.
Monet: Yes you're right, I best be leaving.
She jumps up and practically runs out of the room
Newt: Thank you. Goodbye!
Soupnazi: Whaddya say we go out and get some Smarties?
Newt: I don't know...
Soupnazi: Oh come on. Your treat!
Newt: *Sigh*

Go Back!

Disclaimer: Monet and GenX belong to Marvel. Smarties belong to a company, Nestle I think. But I could be wrong. I feel like chicken tonight is a slogan that belongs to whatever company that was stupid enough to air it. No money is being made off of this. This is, obviously, a work of non-fiction.