Our Interview With Generation X
When we heard Generation X were having a press conference, we just knew we had to be there. So, after getting rid of all the other reporters by setting fire to their cars, and locking ourselves in the press room with GenX, we were ready to begin. Here is the entire unedited transcript of the interview:
Everett: Who are you people?
Newt: Wouldn’t you like to know?
Soupnazi: (Whispering to Newt) What’s that supposed to mean?
Newt: To tell you the truth I’m not quite sure.
Monet: Oh no, not again.
Angelo: You know these weirdoes?
Monet: Unfortunately, yes.
Soupnazi: Okay, listen up. Just answer our questions, and nobody gets hurt.
Newt: You don’t actually plan to fight these guys do you? They have super powers!
Soupnazi: Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that. They don’t seem too bright, so they probably won’t think of using their powers, but if worse comes to worse I have my secret weapon.
Newt: Excellent.
Everett: I’m scared.
Angelo: Me too amigo, me too.
Soupnazi: All right, let’s get started, shall we? Newt, give me the question sheet.
Newt: Here ya go.
Soupnazi: Umm, how…no who, who did……..the funky chicken? Who did the funky chicken? That doesn’t make a whole lotta sense.
Newt: It was late at night.
Soupnazi: Next question. Am you hoeutryku?
Paige: What?
Soupnazi: (Crumples paper, throws it over her shoulder.) Okay, scrap that. On to plan B.
Newt looks confused
Soupnazi: We did have a plan B, didn’t we?
Newt: OOPS, I guess we forgot that part.
Soupnazi: Let’s just do what we did with the Monet interview. Namely, make up the stuff as we go. Improvise man. It worked last time.
Monet: Oh no it didn’t.
Soupnazi: Hey, did I ask for your opinion? I don’t think so missy. So just sit down, shut up, and speak when you’re spoken to.
Newt: Hmm, let me think. OK I got one. Everett, Monet or Jubilee, which one?
Jubilee and Monet: Yeah Ev, which one?!
Everett: Uh…uh…Ju—Mon—uh…can I have more time?
Jubilee: You were going to say my name weren’t you Ev? Of course you were. Why would anyone want to date Miss perfect here?
Monet: I think you’re mistaken Jubilation. He was obviously about to say my name. Why in the world would he want to date an annoying immature fashion brain dead Valley girl?
Jubilee: Okay, that’s it.
She jumps on the table, but is pulled back to her seat by Angelo’s skin
Soupnazi: Ooh, now it’s gettin’ interesting.
Newt: OK, next question. Paige exactly how many brothers and sisters do you have?
Paige: Umm, 27.
Soupnazi: Holy crap! Do all your brothers look like Sam? If so, are they available?
Newt: Shut up.
Paige: I don’t really feel comfortable talking about that.
Soupnazi: Why not? Don’t you guys all date your cousins out there? You must’ve checked out one of your brothers at one time or another. Sam, Josh, the other ones? You gotta give me something. Work with me people, please.
Newt: She’s not from Arkansas! Are you?
Paige: Of course not!
Soupnazi: By the by, could you please talk in your accent Paige? I don’t know why you don’t in the comic. I mean, Sam does and he sounds adorable. Maybe it’ll help you with Jono.
Paige: I really don’t want to.
Newt: Come on!
Jono: {Yeah luv, why not?}
Soupnazi: Please? Pretty pretty please with cherries on top?
Paige: Fine, Ah will. Happy?
Soupnazi: Very.
Newt: So Jubilee, just out of curiosity. You wouldn’t happen to have Kitty’s phone number?
Jubilee: No.
Soupnazi: Sam’s?
Jubilee: No.
Jono: {Do you guys ‘ave any real questions?}
Soupnazi: Good question. Wait, we’re supposed to ask the questions here buddy.
Newt: Are you sure you don’t have her number?
Jubilee: What’s in it for me?
Newt: Not here, call me later. (Hands her a card)
Soupnazi: We need some new material. Let me think…what’s it like having Emma and Sean for teachers?
Angelo: Mr. Cassidy’s nice, but Frost’s a little icy.
Soupnazi: Ha ha! Frost, icy, get it? The words relate! It’s funny. It’s a word game! Did you get it?
Everett: Stop the madness!
Jubilee: Geez Ev, calm down.
Everett: No I will not calm down J. These people make no sense! They haven’t even asked us any actual questions! What kind of an interview is this?
Soupnazi: Hey, I resemble that remark! Besides, we asked some real questions. Need I remind you: teachers, phone numbers, funky chicken. What do you call those?
Monet: Nonsense?
Soupnazi: Exactly.
She sits back with a satisfied look on her face
Paige: All right, that’s it. Ah’m not standing for this anymore!
Soupnazi: Of course not, that’s why you’re sitting down. Ba dum ching!
Everett: Let’s get out of here.
They stand up and leave
Newt: Well, that went well.
Soupnazi: Yep. Can’t wait until our next interview. What say we go set fire to some more reporter’s cars?
Newt: Sounds like fun.
Soupnazi: You bet. You bring the matches, I’ll get the flammable substance. And the popcorn. A burning news van is a beautiful thing to see.
Go Back!
Disclaimer: Generation X, Kitty, Sam, the Guthries, Sean, and Emma all belong to Marvel. This is fiction, obviously. In real life, I’d set fire to the journalists too. No money is being made off of this.