Big Brother 2: The Marvel Edition


Scene opens in a very busy-looking camera room, with lots of people running around frantically. In the middle of the room is our lovely Ms. Tilby, smiling and looking pert and cute and being completely in the way of the people doing actual work.

Trish: Hi, I'm Trish Tilby, host of Big Brother 2: The Marvel Edition. Before the break, we introduced you to the first three houseguests, Bobby Drake, Jean Grey-Summers, and Erik Lensherr. Now, let's meet our next three houseguests!

Cut to shot of small blond girl sitting on a chair.

Girl: (smiling vacantly) Hi, my name's Tabitha Smith, also known as Meltdown.

Cut to shot of Tabitha roller skating on a boardwalk in a string bikini.

Tabitha: (voice-over) My code name used to be Boom-Boom, then Boomer, but I was all like, hey I need something cooler, something that like, totally reflected my personality and stuff. So, I came up with SuperChick. But then my teammates all got this funny look on their faces, and they turned all red and covered their mouths with their hands and like, totally had to leave the room and stuff. I think they had some bad fish or something. Anyway, so my old boyfriend Sam was all like, Tabs, I think that maybe you need something a little more...original. So anyway, to make a long story short, I picked Meltdown, which is a totally cool name. Uh, yeah. That's it.

Tabitha stops skating and leans on a bench.

Tabitha: Like, this bikini is totally up my butt! Wait, what did you say? What's a "thong"?

Cut to shot of Tabitha shopping in a totally like, trendy store. Let's call it Le Château*.

Tabitha: (holding up a very slutty, very tacky pink snake skin minidress.) Like, ohmygod, this is so perfect for when I go into the house!

Person: Uh miss, would you please answer the question.

Tabitha: What? Oh, right, the question. What was it again?

Person: Why do you want to be on the show.

Tabitha: Oh, okay! I think it would be totally fun to be on TV and stuff, and I'd really like to be a role model for teenage girls who are all self-conscious and like, think they have to study and get good grades to succeed in life. I'm living proof that you don't have to be smart to...do stuff. Why are you laughing? Stop it, it's not funny. Oh, hey, I also would really like to hook up. You did say you were putting hot guys in there, right?

Cut back to Trish, sitting on some control panel next to all whole bunch of TV screens.

Trish: Well, that was........interesting. Huh.

Cut to shot of a big ole mansion. Sitting under a tree we see a young man smoking. A cigarette. I just realized that I should really be a little clearer about what I mean.

Young Man: Hey amigos, my name is Angelo Espinoza, and I'm an alcoholic. Nah, just kidding. I'm just a hardcore druggie. (grabs his head in his hands) Owowowowowieowieowie!!!! Okay Ms. Frost, okay! Stop it! I give up**! (relaxes) That's mucho better. Anyway, yeah. My code name's Skin, I go to a "private school" in Massachusetts, and I fight crime with my mutant powers.

Cut to shot of Skin in battle.

Angelo: Okay, so all I can do is stretch. But I can go really far, and sometimes I actually help in fights. Did I mention I'm grey?

Cut to shot of Angelo in class, not paying attention.

Angelo: (voice-over) I came from the barrios, where I used to be in a gang. But now everyone thinks I'm dead. Long story. Anyway, life there was hard, but it was nothing compared to advanced quantum physics with Sean " exactly how am I qualified to teach" Cassidy. I'd really like to go in the house because I really need a break from training and homework. Also, I've been grounded so many times that staying inside is second nature to me, so I think I have a really good chance.

Cut back to Trish, standing outside a door marked "control room" with her arms crossed, looking quite pissed.

Trish: Of all the nerve! How dare they tell me I'm "in the way," and "interrupting production." Arrogant little son-of-bit.....Uh, hi! Welcome back. Ha ha. Well, we'd better get this over with. Here's the next person.

Cut to a shot of a pretty blond-haired girl jogging outside a large mansion. In the background we see a camera crew talking to Angelo underneath a tree.

Girl: Hey, I'm Paige Guthrie, a.k.a. Husk, and I'm a contestant on Survivor! (hear whispering) What do you mean it's Big Brother! That show sucks***! Ah well, it's better than nothing.

Show Paige on her bed, writing in her journal and generally looking thoughtful. She sits up.

Paige: I come from a big family in Kentucky, but I don't like to talk about them. I don't even like my accent. My brother Sam is the leader of the mutant group X-Force, but I'd rather you forgot that. Someday I'm going to be a great leader, even better than Sam, which is why I have to be Miss Perfect and study all the time and be really competitive with Sam. But otherwise I'm pretty normal.

Cut to Paige in a library, reading a book. (reading in a library. What will they think of next!)

Paige: I'd really like to be in the Big Brother house because I think it would broaden my experience and let me interact with people that I'd otherwise never get to meet. Because someday I want to be team leader. Did I say that already?

Cut back to Trish, talking on her cell phone.

Trish: Uh huh, oh yeah. No, I'm already looking for other work. This show won't last. I told Larry it was a bad idea. Did you see that last girl? Booriing! And what was up with that Hair? Anyhoo, gotta go. Ta-ta! (she hangs up) Well, after the break we'll meet the last four houseguests. Bye-bye!

Who will be the final four? Stay tuned to find out the next time I can think of what to write!

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* Le Château is an actual store, that actually sells stuff like that

** In case you didn't get that, Emma is giving him a little mental kick for lying

*** Big Brother does not suck. It rules. It is the best show on Earth. Paige has no idea what she's talking about. We would really like to keep our jobs.





Disclaimer: Big Brother belongs to CBS, I think. The Marvel characters belong to Marvel. Survivor also belongs to CBS Le Château belongs to someone. All of these people/places/things were used without permission. No money is being made off this, obviously.

Also, all mutants in this story are taken out of context for comic effect, whether we like them or not. Don't take offense at anyone's mis-portrayal. That is all.