When you are sad, I will give you a beer, slap you,
and say, "Cry me a fucking river you fat fucking
baby... Now drink up."
When you are scared, I will comfort you... and try to
convince you that they will not search the trunk.
When you are worried, I will buy not one but two
thirty packs. That ought to hold us until 8pm.
When you are lost, I will lead you back to your
room... so that you can pass out with your
boy/girlfriend and they can take care of you.
When you are hungry, I will be a true friend... and
keep you from adding on to your fat ass and hide the
post-drinking munchies.
When you are delirious with superhuman strength, I
will sit your ass on the couch... and keep you from
getting your drunk ass kicked..
When you are confused, I will explain to you how
sometimes ugly people look like supermodels when you
are drunk.
This is my oath... I pledge until the end. Why you may
ask? Because you're my beer drinking friend!
The woman stepped closer to examine the damage and noticed something shiny within her car. Reaching in, she pulled out an unbroken bottle. ''This bottle of wine wasn't even cracked. I think this is another sign that we are to drink a toast to our new friendship.''
''That's a great idea, miss,'' the man answered taking the bottle from her. He popped the cork and drank his share.
''I'm sorry. How rude of me. Would you like some?''
''No, thanks,'' came the reply. ''I'll just wait on the cops to get here.''
A man and a woman were involved in a terrible car accident and both cars were totaled. They climbed from the wreckage and the woman stood in awe. ''Our cars are demolished, yet we walk unharmed. This must be a sign from God that we are to be best friends for the rest of our lives,'' she spoke wisely.
''I agree completely, ma'am,'' the man replied.
