THE MOUTH OF SAURON
LOTR Message Boards humor and more!

Seen Around The Web - World Wide Wit (Tolkien-related, of course!)
Books-a-Minute SF/Fantasy

Save money, read super-condensed versions of SF/fantasy classics such as The Hobbit, The Fellowship of The Ring, The Two Towers and The Return of The King. A long list of SF/F books - Frank Herbert, C.S Lewis, Asimov. Robert Jordan's giant series especially, is very accurately and very briefly summed up. If only Robert Jordan was as brief... :-D

Jimcalagon's Lord of The Rings Movie News


"Bringing you the news all the other sites are afraid to publish"
Featuring up-to-the-minute movie news and rumors. Forget TheOneRing.net or TolkienOnline. This is the ONLY site that you should trust for your LOTR news!
+ a super-handy guide to LOTR characters for all you internet and print journalists. Never again shall any of you write another misinformed article!

Greatest Post Archive at Galadriel's Mirror

A collection of "greatests posts" from the Lord of The Rings and Tolkien Things message board. The "Filmarillion" is a must-read!

Failed LOTR Screen Tests

A site by Matt Wydra and why he should work for the LOTR movie.Includes failed LOTR screen tests involving big names like Pamela Anderson and Woody Allen.

The Hobbit Meets Star Wars

Strider is Han Solo! Even casual SW fans will recognize the setting of this parody.

South Park: Angband Comes to South Park

Quotes:
MR GARRISON: Now, kids, I want to talk about the fiction of J.R.R. Tolkien. He was a pitiful excuse for a man, creating imaginary worlds where black magic worked and populating them with evil creatures like Elves and Dwarves who don't exist. Don't ever read any book that he wrote, because he's an evil, Satanic figure!

CHEF: Children, Morgoth has kidnapped Luthien Tinuviel, the most beautiful woman to ever walk the Earth.

The Way The Story Goes

From the Scrap Paper Review Issue 9, written by A.D Sullivan, a Tolkien parody of Frodo, Sam and Gollum's journey in Mordor. The names are changed and the story modernized.

Appendix A

A parody of Appendix A of the Lord of The Rings meant as a follow-up to Bored of The Rings. Written by Richard F Drushel.
Excerpt:

At the end of the First Age, the Velour gave to the Half- Witted an irrevocable choice to which kindred they would belong. Orlon, greedily eyeing the immortality and smarts of the Auld Elves, chose to be of Elven-kind, and thus became a master of wisdom and interior decorating

Scouring of the Shire

Also written by Richard F Drushel
Excerpt:

"But I thought Goodgulf had expelled him from the Magician's Union," said Pepsi. "His pitchfork was broken."

"Nobody rightly knows," said Clotty with a shudder. "After Shark-eye took over, things started t' change around here mighty quick. All the garbage was t' be picked up, folks couldn't have no run-down houses no more, the streets was all levelled off an' paved. Shark-eye gets some o' these renegade Elf interior-decorator-types in t' bee-yootify the town, an' sooner'n you can snarf a watermelon, droves of architects are swarmin' in, a-goo-gooin' an' a-ga-gain' over this an' that, handin' out medals an' ribbons an' awards an' such fer such purty designin'.

The Tolkien Insanity Page

Read the unabridged diaries of the members of the fellowship (only Frodo for now). Learn some witty Tolkien comebacks here...
Excerpt:

When you are in the position of being late at work and have no reason for the boss except you slept in:

'I'm awfully sorry, but I have come without my hat, and I have left my pocket-handkerchief behind, and I haven't got any money. I didn't get your note until after 10.45 to be precise'

An ultra-condensed version of 'The Hobbit', 'The Fellowship of The Ring', 'The Two Towers' and 'The Return of The King'.

Really, really condensed. For all the idiots who flock Tolkien messageboards to ask for a book report of LOTR or a summary!
Ultra-condensed by Samuel Stoddard and David J. Parker

A Review of LOTR: Disappointing Middle-earth RPG tie-in novel

A review by a guy who though Tolkien was some cheap RPG author.
Excerpt:

J.R.R. Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings is the second 'Middle-earth' novel to be published under license to GameQuest Inc., creators of the ever-popular Realms of Middle-earth fantasy role-playing game system.

Hehe if you read it carefully, you'll notice that this whole review is a joke so don't flame the guy who wrote it!

The Tolkien Sarcasm Page

A little of everything here, home to the Tolkien Art Gallery, LOTR Board Game, a vicious review of Ralph Bakshi's Lord of The Rings animated movie and Tolkien Crackpot Theories. One of the best Tolkien-related humor site on the Internet.

The Prancing Doughnut: Russian Tolkien Humour

Some of the jokes were translated from Russian. Includes Tolkien limerics, Ring Chant parodies and a collection of Tolkien lightbulb jokes. There are more jokes in the Russian version. Makes me wish I could read Russian!

Russian version of the Prancing Doughnut : Arda-na-Kulichkah

MythTakes:Tolkien Parody

Tidbits for rec.arts.books.tolkien, Untold Stories Told which includes Ole and Sven and the Lutefisk of Doom and Frodo Sightings, and Frodo's Ghost Lives!

The Wrong Ring

The site with the cast-iron guarantee to have absolutely no accurate information on the up coming "Lord of the Rings" film.

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