LOTR meets Star Wars

Top X ways LotR would be different if directed by George Lucas Posted by Inferno on theOneRing.net

Let's see what everyone's response are. This would be fun to compile. =) Here's a few from me: All the main characters 'have a bad feeling' about something at least once. 'Meesa Smeagol. Meesa yousa humble servant.' Saruman's Orcs attack Helm's Deep with AT-AT's. Aragorn discovers he is Eowyn's Brother. 'Tom Bombadil I am. Help you I will.' The Nazgul King Force-chokes all the insolent orcs. Bree, where the most wretched hive of scum and villainy hang out. We must be cautious. The Prancing Pony has a weird group of people playing funky music in the corner. Bill Ferny has the death sentence in 12 villages. Anyone care to add to the list?

SW/LOTR Posted by Robin Smallburrow on theOneRing.net

Balrog is 40 ft high and is run by puppeteers. Frodo: You do not need to question us. Orc: We dont need to question them. Frodo: We are not the Hobbits you are looking for. Orc: These arent the Hobbits were looking for. Frodo: Move on. Orc: Move on. Witch-King of Angmar has cool double bladed staff that he uses to kill Quai Gonn Theoden. The Rohirrim ride Taun-Tauns. "You've never heard of Shadowfax? Fastest steed in Middle-Earth. He made the Kessel run under 12 parsecs." A young Aragorn holding up a broken sword in front of Gandalf. "I never knew my great-great-great-great-great-great-grandfather was in the orc wars." Opening line: "A long time ago, in a hole in the ground..."

More SW/LOTR! Posted by Idril Celebrindal on theOneRing.net

- Boromir is frozen in carbonite instead of being sent down Anduin in a boat. - Arwen wears funky makeup and elaborate dresses with lights. She often secretly switches places with her handmaiden to experience the wild side of Middle Earth. Aragorn can never figure out which one is which. - It turns out that everyone in the Fellowship is a blood relative, including Legolas and Gimli. - Hobbits are played by Ewoks and the Shire is a giant forest. - Sauron: "Gandalf never told you what happened to your father." Frodo: "He told me enough! You killed him!" Sauron: "No, Frodo -- I am your father!" - Orcs all wear white plastic armor. - An orc bangs his head on the door while he's rushing into the Chamber of Mazarbul in Moria. - The Fellowship navigates an asteroid field instead of passing through the Pillars of the Argonath. - Instead of restoring the monarchy, Aragorn recreates the Old Republic. - Sam Gamgee is a moisture farmer, not a gardener. - Saruman the Hutt keeps an entourage of dancing girls in Orthanc and sends out bounty hunters to capture the Hobbits. - Aragorn is verified as the heir to Isildur by his high midi-chlorian count. - Gollum played by infamous floppy-eared CGI amphibian. "Baggins! It steala the Pwecious! Weesa hates it forever an' ever!" - Galadriel: "Many Bothans died to bring us information about the Ring." - Entire history of the Ring summarized in text crawl at the beginning of the movie. - Instead of a Balrog, Gandalf must fight a giant space slug.

I care (wait, that's number one!) Posted by Bullroarer on theOneRing.net

2. Gollum made more "plush-toy"-like. Adorable eyelashes and floppy ears, most likely. 3. At the Cracks of Doom, Frodo hears Bilbo's voice saying, "Don't use the Ring, Frodo..." 4. Gandalf constantly glows when he returns from apparent death in Moria. He's also kind of see-through. 5. Instead of "The Scouring of the Shire," the hobbits return is handled with a happy happy sequence of dancing hobbits being cute and adorable. Think "Plush Toys." I think that's enough EVIL. No wait, there's no such thing as too much EVIL.

Sure! Posted by ritergrrl on theOneRing.net

Aragorn keeps saying "it's not my fault!" when things go wrong. Legolas is fluent in over 1 billion forms of communication, but still has to hit Gimli on the head to get him to pay attention. Frodo's moment of crisis when he finds out that Drogo's drowning is just a cover story - his father is really GOLLUM! Fortunately, they change Arwen's hairdo after the first film.

May the Fellowship be with you ... Posted by Eledhwen on theOneRing.net

Anduril will be a light sabre, so Aragorn can turn it on and off. When on, it will be a very bright white. The changes to the Aragorn / Merry & Pippin / Frodo & Sam scenes will be done by interesting circles and lines rather than just a straight cut. Minas Tirith - floating in clouds. Instead of horses, the Rohirrim will ride those camel things from Empire Strikes Back. Or flying motorcycles. Sauron will sound like he is wearing an aqualung and will appear (complete with theme music) dressed all in black with a floaty-flappy cloak. At the end he will reveal he is really a good man at heart and that he is someone's father.

And when... Posted by Publius on theOneRing.net

... Aragorn reveals Narsil/Anduril, he'll flip the switch a couple times and say "See? Nothin." Liv Tyler will be replaced by Natalie Portman, wearing bizarre make-up and hair. Arwen will be infatuated with Frodo at first but later turn her attentions to Aragorn. Boromir will be a long-time sidekick of Aragorn, and will be portrayed as an exceptionally hairy guy who mostly just moans and howls. (Related note: In that upcoming Star Wars book where Chewbacca dies, it'll turn out he's shot full of arrows while defending some ewoks from a horde of jawas.)

Oh well... Posted by glaze on theOneRing.net

All of the bad characters will be spectacularly poor shots who never hit the good guys (which leads you to wonder why they were so terrifying anyway) while the good characters are all crack bowmen/swordsmen/axemen/wizards who could pick the sprinkles off the witch-kings ice cream from 2 leagues away. All of the bad chracters will have vaguely threatening English aristocratic accents. Bad characters will be spectacularly ugly aliens or white men. All non-human good characters will have fur or be cute. Shadowfax will come equipped with a hyperdrive that seldom works. Oh, well.

And... Posted by burma on theOneRing.net

Sauruman will fall into a pit Sauron will fall into a pit Denethor will fall into a pit Barad Dur will be destroyed with a single arrow shot down the exhust port.

Aragorn and Arwen , after fighting the enemies ... Posted by Patty on theOneRing.net

are preparing to swing across a chasm to the safty of other side. Arwen turns to Aragorn and kisses him. "For Luck" she says. Hey, wait a minute, that's in PJ's film!

Hee hee Posted by Saxman on theOneRing.net

The With King will step up to Eowyn and start doing some overly-elaborate sword spin. Eowyn will just look at him, then shoot him with a crossbow (hey, you guys forget that George didn't just do Star Wars). Twenty years from now, The Silmarillion will be released amid unbefore-seen media hype, and will not *quite* meet the expectations. Fuzzy dice hanging on Eomer's horse (Another obscure one, here: Harrisson Ford's car in American Graffiti). Sauron was actually Gandalf's pupil "Before he turned to evil."

The opening shot of the movie... Posted by Kyriel on theOneRing.net

...is a long, slow look at the underside of a Nazgul steed flying overhead The Three Hunters chase the orcs across the Forest Moon of Rohan on speeder bikes. The staircase leading to Shelob's Lair goes down through tree roots into a subterranean cave which is surprisingly dry, considering that it's located below the water table on a swamp planet. Gollum travels across bodies of water by walking on the bottom and using a little periscope to see out. Gimli speaks only in beeps and whistles (sorry, ritergrrl, I'm hitching a ride on your coattails with that one). Sam watches helplessly from behind a force field as Shelob "kills" Frodo, then comes out swinging when the force field drops. He kills Shelob and she falls backwards, in two pieces, into a convenient orc pit. Eomer's braid suspiciously switches from one side of his head to the other

Lucas Before Star Wars Posted by Blue Wizard on theOneRing.net

10. Middle Earth looks suspiciously like Bakerfield, CA. 9. Replace Palantir with transistor radios. 8. Barad Dur is an AM-radio station on the outskirts of town. 7. Wolfman Jack = Sauron 6. Opie= Aragorn & Cindy Williams = Arwen 5. Gollum renamed "Terry the Toad" 4. Nazgul drive '57 Chevys 3. Drag race across the ford to Rivendell 2. Galadriel tools around Lothlorien in a white T-bird 1. Additional incription on The One Ring: "Class of '62"

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