Posted by Erendis at Imladris

Cloaks of Lorien Camoflage for hunters. Athelas antibiotic. Build-your-own Flet kit with Shimmery Ladder. Earendil's Star-Glass Nightlight -- chase away the Monsters hiding under the bed! Hoover's Void Vacuum -- it's industrial strength! Eye of Sauron/Hand of Saruman/Moon of Morgul iron-on transfers. Show whose side you're on! Dust of Galadriel fertilizer. Angainor Chain bike lock. Guarenteed. Silmaril Tai Chi balls. Talking Roll-call Aragorn: "Elendil! I am Aragorn son of Arathorn, wielder of the Sword-that-was-broken...).." Talking Conceited Boromir. "By our valor..alone are peace and freedom maintained, bulwark of the West." Eowyn Barbie (sorry, no plans for an Arwen Barbie, not a good role model. Wait, well, who knows...) Haldir Dual Action blindfold/mouth gag (specially designed for Talking Conceited Boromir but also compatible with Roll-Call Aragorn)) Quick Light, Long Burn, Faggot Brand treated firewood (also compatible with Talking Lost Cause Denethor) Ioreth combination white-noise machine/sleep aid. One I'd actually buy: The Faramir "Soft Land" protective Swoon Mat. And the ones of questionable taste: ? Beren and Maedhros velcro rip-off hand dolls (like those anti-stress pull apart NFL referees). ? Grond battering ram "marital aid."

Posted by Scytale at Imladris

Cuddly ringwraiths that talk! I'm the Witch-King and I love you very much. I'm the Witch-King and I know where you live. I'm Khamul and no-one's got a clue who I am. You're my favourite Dark Lord.

Posted by Saeros at Imladris

This came up in literary discussion, but it fits better here, it was a reply to something on McNazgul. quote: ...the veggie version would be McTreebeard! also featuring: -McGwaihir, the birdieburger? -McMeneldor, the fast birdieburger? -McLegolas, a pretty boring piece of meat, with extra Greenleaves of salad and served between two "lembas"? -McGoldberry, a piece of chick with young taste, made especially for older, bearded men...? -McArwen. Delicious, but you have to wait 67 years to get it. -McDenethor. A piece of well burnt old goat. -McOneRing. When the guy behind the counter is just about to give it to you, he chooses another way and claims it for himself.

Posted by Kelandra at Imladris

LOTR Giga pets! raise your own Hobbit, Nazgul, Elf or Dwarf! As your hobbit gets older it will grow hair on its feet and tend to eat much more often. Discourage your pet from smoking those bad pipes! Or have a Nazgul baby and feed it everyday so it grows strong and evil! (with a special adaptor, your Nazgul can attach to your friends other LOTR giga pets and fight with them!) LOTR Giga pets! Even better than a dog or a cat! Ever see those "silly slammers"? They're like little bean bags with faces on them and when you slam them against something they say a phrase. How about LOTR Silly Slammers. Sam's head! Slam it and it saysL "My poor master Frodo!" "Me go and see elves? Yipee!" Frodo's head! Slam it and it says: "Shall I ever look down into that valley again?" "These years have aged me far beyond my youth" Magic Palantir Balls (you know, like magic 8 balls). Ask it a question and turn it upside down and the magic window will reveal the answer. Examples: "Will I be pretty when I grow up?" 'Keep dreaming you hideous troll' "Does Kevin like me?" 'How could he like you? You're a hideous troll!' "Will I be a famous actress someday?" 'Maybe with $20,000 worth of plastic surgery and some red hair dye' Magic Palantir balls, let the fun begin!! (did someone already do this one?)

How's this? A life-sized Gollum with a pull cord. Pull the cord and it asks your kid riddles, and if the kid can't answer correctly it eats him/her! Remember those chewing cabbage patch kids? This is just going to the next level. Or how about magic moon letter note pads for giggly girls? Write down a secret note to your girl friend on it, and she'll only be able to read it when the moon shines behind the letter (and only a certain moon of course!) The Middle Earth way to send secret messages! I have it! Special Edition Gandalf Barbie! She comes with a clip on beard, a hat, robe and her super cool staff! Fight those Balrogs the Barbie way! And now for a limited time, if you purchase Gandalf Barbie, you'll also recieve a limited edition Shadowfax! Move your hand and he'll look like he's really walking!! And Gandalf Barbie loves riding Shadowfax on his pink saddle! So c'mon kids, pick up your very own Gandalf Barbie and Shadowfax the pony today at your local Kay-Bee toys and Toys R Us!!

Posted by Elizabeth at Imladris

There'll be a line of action figures. "Aragorn.. with swinging sword action" or "Color changing Gandalf" you dip Gandalf the Grey in cold water and he turns into Gandalf the White. Dip him in warm water, and he's gray again. A "Saruman of Many Colors" with a hologram sticker over his robe that changes color as you turn him in the light. LOTR sticker-books, and Gollum-head keychains.... Treebeard PEZ dispensers. How about a Mirror of Galadriel mug.You fill it with coffe, drink the coffee, and see an image of the Gaffer being run out of bagshot row. The possibilites are endless.... And in closing, I'll offer.. Orc toothpaste. It looks auful, smells worse (just like the stuff Ugluk smears on Merry's head wound), turns your teeth black and yellow, and tastes like badly burnt toast.

Go to page 2 of merchandising hell!

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