Beam me home!
Answers to Densa quizes....
1. Is there a 4th of July in England?
Yes! There is a 4th of July in England! It comes after the third of July!
2.How many birth days does the average man have?
Just one!
3. Some months have 31 days; how many have 28?
All of them! Even January has 28 days!
4. In baseball, how many outs are there in an inning?
6 -Three per side! Even the 9th inning has 6, but the game is called at the 3rd out when the home team is behind. Also, score yourself a penalty of -1 if you think you don't count the 6th out in the inning.
5. Can a California man legally marry his widow's sister?
No! Because he is dead! There is no legal precedence for a dead man to marry! Remember, we are asking if a man CAN marry, not if a man was legally married. Score yourself a penalty of -1 if you are thinking of what the man did in the past.
6. Divide 30 by 1/2 and add 10. What is the answer?
70 -Now pay close attention, or your math teacher will be upset with you: 30 divided by 2 equals 15, 30 divided by 1/2 equals 60 (did you forget about inverting and multiplying?), add 10 and get 70! If you still think 30 divided by 1/2 is 25, then what does 30 divided by 2 equal??
7. If there are 3 apples and you take away 2, how many do you have?
2 -You took them, remember? You are in a store, if there are three apples and you take away 2, you will get busted for shoplifting!
8. A doctor gives you three pills telling you to take one every half hour. How many minutes would the pills last?
60. Start with the 1st pill, 30 minutes later take the 2nd, then 30 minutes for the 3rd. The effects of the pills will last for 90 minutes, but in 60 minutes, the pills are gone! It is like ice cream. It can stay in your refrigerator for years, but would you eat 8 year old ice cream? If it takes you 15 minutes to eat the ice cream, the ice cream lasts 15 minutes, but I am sure there are some of you who would argue that it would last 16 minutes, just to get this question right!
9. A farmer has 17 sheep standing in a field and all but 9 drop down and die. How many sheep are left standing?
9 -If 8 out of 17 die, all but 9 die...(which means 8 die, get it?) Keeping the dead sheep doesn't count!
10. How many members of each animal did Moses take on the ark?
0 -Moses didn't take any animals on an ark, Noah did!
11. A clerk in the butcher shop is 5' 10'' tall. What does he weigh?
Meat - A butcher's clerk weighs meat, how else does he know what to charge?! (The butcher only cuts it, eh?)
12. How many two cent stamps are there in a dozen?
12. There are 12 2-cent stamps in a dozen! - You know, a dozen is 12!
13.How far can a dog run into the woods?
The reason: Once the dog gets to the center of the woods, the dog is running out of the woods!
14. How is it that a person born in Massachusetts, whos parents were both born in Massachussets, is not a U.S. Citizen?
The reason: Prior to 1789, when the constitution was ratified, Massachussets was an English colony and the United States didn't exist
15. Clara Clatter was born on December 27, on a hot summers day, how is that possible?
The reason: The southern hemisphere has its summer during our winter
16. How can a woman in New York, without getting a divorce, legally marry 10 men?
The reason: Only if it was her job, as in Justice of the Peace or a Minister.
17. Why are 1990 dollar bills worth more than 1989 dollar bills?
The reason: $1,990.00 is one more dollar than $1,989.
18. Explain how a taxi can reach its destination in an hour and a half, but take 90 minutes to return when there is no other traffic?
An hour and a half is the same as 90 minutes!
19. Even when the Arctic natives are starving, why won't they eat penguin eggs?
The reason: Penguins live in the Antarctic, not the Arctic
20. Why can't you take a picture of a man with a wooden leg?
The reason: You need a camera to take a picture of a man, not a wooden leg!
21. How many times can you subtract 5 from 25?
The reason: Once you subtract 5 from 25, you no longer have 25!
22. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the biggest mountain in the world?
The reason: Mount Everest has always been the largest mountain, even before being discovered!
23. How is it possible for two fathers and two sons to pay only for a buffet when the buffet costs per person?
The reason: They were son, father and grandfather!
24. In a criminal trial, what is the relationship of the defendant to the trial judge, if the defendant's brother-in-law's only sister's husband is the father of the son of the judge?
The reason: He is married to the female judge.
25. Which weighs more, a pound of pennies or a pound of dimes?
The reason: A pound is a pound, the world around, 16 oz!
26. Two U.S. coins add up to 55 cents, but one coin is not a nickel. What are these coins?
A nickel and a half dollar. Although one coin is not a nickel, the other coin one is!
27. What is it that the people who make it, don't want it; the people who buy it, don't use it; and the people who use, don't know it?
The reason: A coffin is something a maker doesn't want, a buyer doesn't use and the user doesn't know about!
28. A man rides into a town on Sunday, three days later, he leaves on Sunday, how can this be?
The reason: The horse was named Sunday!
29. What's more powerful than God.. The rich don't want it; the poor have much of it, and if you eat it you'll die?
The reason: There is nothing greater than God, more evil than the devil, the rich want, the poor have, and that kills you when you eat it (leave this one alone)!
30. Johnny's mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May. What was the third childs name?
The reason: If Johnnys mother had only one child, what would his name be? What if it was Franks mother, or yours, or your childs mother?
31. Two ducks in front of a duck, two ducks behind a duck and a duck in the middle. how many ducks? (Not 5)
Three, they are swimming in a single row
32. A man is driving his car without its lights on, the streets lights are not on, and there is no moon. A black cat runs in front of him. He brakes quickly and avoids it. How did he see the cat?
Who said anything about driving at night? It's daytime!
33. It takes 3 mins to boil 1 egg. How long does it take to boil 3 eggs? (Not 9)
Three minutes, you place them all in the same pan.
34. On what side of the cup does the handle belong?
The outside! Ever try to drink from a cup whose handle is on the inside?
35. What kind of dog has four legs but never runs?
A sleeping dog! (or a dead one) If they are running, they are not sleeping. Dead dogs also would be a correct answer.
36. Where are potatoes grown?
Where else? In the ground
37. If you hop out of your flop, to drop by the shop for a mop, and to top it off, your pop is a cop, what should you do when you come to a green light? On a green light you go, an a red light you stop. (If you said stop, I don't want to drive with you!)
38. You have a wooden barrel filled with water. what can you put in it to make it lighter?
A well placed hole makes the barrel lighter by at least the weight of the part of the barrel removed. It would also drain some water.
39. There are 2 babies born on the same day at the same time in the same month in the same year at the same hospital from the same biological mother. How is it possible they are not twins?
They are triplets!
40. What word in the English Language is always spelled incorrectly?
Even when it is really spelled incorrectly, 'incorrectly' is always, one way or another, spelled incorrectly!
41. What can you keep even after giving it to someone else?
When you give your word, you should keep your word! You can also give a cold or your name and still keep
42. What belongs to you but others use it more than you do?
Even if you go by an alias, it is your name to your friends, used mostly by others!
43. The more of these you take, the more of them you leave behind.
Footsteps, try to follow them!
44. I live alone in a small house with no doors or windows, and when I leave I must break through the walls.
A chicken and an egg, which came first? (The chicken, of course, followed by "and an egg"!)
45. What is is that you will break when you call it by name?
Silence, it's golden!
46. What fastens two people yet touches only one?
A wedding ring, till death do us part!